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Something that keeps bugging me...long read (sorry)

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Posted 5/12/2016 7:55 PM (GMT 0)
A few years ago I was totally into kickboxing and then I got into boxing for a bit. I had a fight at a fairly large venue. It was Battle of the Badges.. Police against Firefighters. My fight was basically just an exhibition fight as I didn't fight for either team. Anyway, I trained hard for the fight. I lost about thirty pounds to be able to fight in the weight class they needed.. I ate very healthy and trained daily alone and with a personal trainer. I was in the best shape of my life.

When the morning before the fight came I still needed to lose a couple of pounds to make weight. So I worked out in the sauna and made myself sweat it off which worked and I made weight. After weigh ins I refueled with Gatorade. When it came to fight time i was in my dressing room doing mitt work with my trainer and I felt tired already. When the fight started I did okay in the first round, I probably won it but in the second round I totally gassed. I became so exhausted I didn't know how I would be able to finish the fight. I had to finish that and one more round. I could barely fight.. I mean I held my own to a certain degree but she won the decision by the amount of punches she threw compared to me. Thankfully she wasn't really a hard hitter.

So.. I lost the fight. I have been beating myself up about it ever since then. I had the skills to win but I didn't because I gassed. I don't know if I gassed because of nerves or the weight loss. It bothers me to this day. I know in my heart of hearts I should have won.. but I beat myself up thinking about how others viewed that fight and me. I think they probably just saw me as a loser and not a good fighter... and that is what I tell myself. I don't know how to get this out of my head. Any suggestions or thoughts?
Posted 5/12/2016 9:30 PM (GMT 0)
I am willing to bet that you gassed because of trying to lose the weight. Though nerves may have had something to do with it. But when you drop weight fast like that, it isn't going to sustain you as if it would if you had eaten properly. My cousin had something similar during wrestling. He had to spit in a cup over and over to make sure he made the weigh in. Just saying...

There is so much in life we need to put behind us. If you didn't care what people thought about you, it probably wouldn't even bother you and better yet, you would probably forget about it. It is hard not caring what people think. I don't so much anymore but I think that has to do with my age.

Try to just be happy you even got to experience it. Not many people do, win or lose. And most of all just don't care what others think. At the end of the day, it doesn't even matter. And it isn't so much what they think, it is what you think that they think. Pffftttt. Who cares??? You need to let it roll off your back and proceed on with things that are important now. I wish you success...

I hope you can put this past you. Life is just too short...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 5/12/2016 9:54 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen.. I'm trying to let it go. You know what's funny. My fight song was AC/DC's "Hells Bells", every time I hear that song I get sad :(
Posted 5/12/2016 10:45 PM (GMT 0)
Don't know if it makes a difference, but you went about 3 rounds longer than almost everyone I know could. ;-)

You don't always have to win to win.
Posted 5/12/2016 11:31 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks F27!
Posted 5/13/2016 2:43 AM (GMT 0)
To me that's very amazing.
However, you need to talk to your personal trainer and ask why you gassed. You need answers and a fighter trainer or personal trainer can probably answer these questions.
Just in my opinion you did great, An amazing thing to accomplish, amazing.
Posted 5/13/2016 3:21 AM (GMT 0)
Well my personal trainer didn't corner me for the fight. I didn't really have a coach as I had just started with a new boxing gym. So, I took it on myself to lose those last few pounds. A good friend of mine ended up cornering me but she hadn't really followed my training. She was a kickboxer that I had done kickboxing with previously and she offered to corner me since I had no one :(
Posted 5/14/2016 5:45 AM (GMT 0)
Well, if there was a profesioal fighter you could talk to that would be your best bet. However, if you've moved on from that then you need to let it go, the answer will probably be something you've probably though of and leave it at that...time to deal with the present and give yourself a pat on the back for making it to where you did as that was good...now what does your future hold, time to let it go...
Posted 5/14/2016 6:11 AM (GMT 0)
Growing up my brother was really critical of me. He made a comment before my fight that the girl might be tougher than me. Than after the fight he said "see what I told you". It really hurt my feelings. He had no idea how much and how hard I trained for that fight. I completely believe if I hadn't gassed I would have won. Anyway.. like you said.. I need to let it go.

This isn't the only thing I beat myself up about. I tend to see myself through my brother's critical eyes. It's something I really need to work on.
Posted 5/14/2016 4:56 PM (GMT 0)
Chris, can't change the past. YOU have an amazing past. Be proud! I know no one who could fight 3 rounds dehydrated. You go strong.

So if you do it again, you know. You pay it forward to some one else if you get the opportunity.

Life is constant lesson and adventure.

Peace
Trina
Posted 5/14/2016 6:02 PM (GMT 0)
So he told you so. Maybe the girl was tougher. There will always be greater and lesser people than yourself. That is just the way that it is.

Trina is right, you had a remarkable past. Remember the good and let the bad go. Or talk about it here. We are here for you.

You are an amazing person.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 5/16/2016 1:34 AM (GMT 0)
I agree with the other's in what you did was remarkable. However, you do need to deal with your brother issues and counseling might help. I also have issues with my brothers, they all made me to believe how "stupid" I was and it still hurts, counseling has helped and has given me some inner peace.
You can't pick your family but you can pick your friends and I will stand by you any day, we will root for you. Your better than what your brother told you, you know it in your heart and now you have a terrific life. Your amazing...no one can bring you down without your permission, don't give this to your brother, stand tall and be proud.
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