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Posted 6/13/2016 3:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hi all.

I am feeling a bit more depressed than usual lately. Looking thru the threads I found the topic that nailed my feelings. Aone. Not knowing if I should participate in that ( for fear I might trigger more sadness for
Sunny13 ) forum , I decided to post my own thoughts. My feelings are virutually the same as Sunny13's. I don't think I could put things any better than the first 4 lines in Sunny13's post.

I live a very lonely life these last few years. I have my cat ( Lupin ).
Aside from my cat , I am simply wandering around like a lost puppy most days. So sad/strange that some people ( such as myself ) can't find either a friend to see almost dayly , or a parner/love. I don't relish the thoughts of growing old by myself , but I think it may be my path.

I want to mention that I am 52 , and have been on long term disability
(LTD ) for about 9 years. I point my age out because it seems that anyone around my age is almost fully occupied with there own lives and work.

What do I do about my loneliness? I get out and walk around town , stopping into a cafe for a coffee or burger. Sometimes I walk thru the malls , or go to the library. Really just passing time. I have quite a few
friends/aquantances ; mostly people I know from the places i regularly go. This does offer some temporary relief , but I don't know any of these people well enough to say anything more than " I'm a bit down today" if they should ask how I am doing.

Family? I have 2 brothers and my father, as well as my fathers g f. My father and I are estranged. My oldest brother lives in a different province , but when I tell him how low my mood is , all he can offer is
" well , you better get some help " :(

My other brother lives near me , and he helps me a bit , but not enough. Several times last week I texted him, asking if we could get together some time during the past weekend. " OK , sure " was his replies. So yesterday a m I texted him and I still haven't heard back from him. So , you see that my family is not there for me.

I realize that many people go thru life alone , but I am tired of being alone. Sunny13 is correct in saying there is HOPE.

But at my age , the hope has grown smaller. It seems tougher to meet friends at my age than it was ( for example ) when I was 20 years younger. As well , it seems tougher to meet a partner. But I would be content with ONE true friend that I could see regularly , and ( to use steet lingo ) hang out with, have FUN with.

It is ironic that we live in a world with about 7 or 8 billion people and yet many of us are alone , and not happy with being alone....

Derwood

Spinal injuries ( 4 compression fractured vertabrae ) , mobility issues ( can walk with a cane ) , depression.
Posted 6/13/2016 3:53 PM (GMT 0)
I spend a lot of time alone, but being I don't have to makes it easier for me. I have few friends, most are internet friends. I only have one or two good friends that I see. And they both have lives and are busy. But I get that. But I am happy being alone, but don't want to be lonely. If that makes any sense.

I see nursing home probably in my future. I don't know how I will adapt. Right now I own my own home and can take care of myself. I am married so I do have a partner, but he is older than me and I don't foresee getting married again if anything happens to him. I don't have children, so there is nobody to spend time with me or take care of me. I have grandchildren through marriage, but don't see that happening either.

Though I try not to think of the future, it will happen. Though we truly can't predict anything. We never know what is going to happen.

I find liking myself makes things much easier, being happy with my own company. Works for now anyway. Like I say, we never know what is going to happen tomorrow.

Try to take life one day at a time. Try to enjoy your own company and keep going out to the mall and other places to see people. Some people just "people watch" and they are happy with that. Going to the same places gives you the chance of seeing a person more than once, striking up a conversation and making a friend. Keep trying.

I hope you feel less depressed soon. Depression really stinks. And can take over if we let it.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 6/13/2016 4:08 PM (GMT 0)
Derwood,

Gratitude: I can walk with cane.

Try a gratitude journal, write something every day.

Even though mobility is limited, to your darndest to get out and wall. Someone passes you try eye contact so good day or hello. Some wont bother, others, their face will light up. You just made their day better.

Do the same thing waiting to cross the street. Thing is people just are polite and talkative anymore. Freak them out with kindness.

Peace
Trina
Posted 6/14/2016 1:09 PM (GMT 0)
I don't know if you are religious or not, but my church has people that bring mass out to people too ill to go to church, and also people that just generally visit people to keep them company.

A charity I am involved with is called the Society of St Vincent de Paul and we go out to visit people and spend time with them each week. Well I used to, but now I have people visit me instead as I'm unwell. But it's an easy way to have someone come around and chat once a week. The charity has local chapters all over the world, and it's not just for church goers, we visit anyone that asks (and don't worry we don't try to convert people either, just offer love and support)

I'm sure there are other charities that offer similar things, usually smaller ones.

I understand the loneliness though, when I can't work and am at home alone all the time my mood really plummets. Have you tried making some online friends? Some computer games have a nice social aspect where you can meet with other people and play the game together.
Posted 6/16/2016 9:40 AM (GMT 0)
Hello all. I am feeling better today , both mentally and psyically :)
I have addressed a couple of minor health issues recenty. Ever scince I started taking morphine sulfate my bowels have been very irregular, usually towards diarhera. So my Doctor suggested I try memtamucil and I started using it about a week ago. Back to normal!

I was diagnosed with an enlaged prostate about 15 years ago. The last few days were uncomfortable for me ( I take 0.4 mg Tamsolosin ) for it , but it is not always effective. So yesterday I went grocery shopping and picked up some unsweetened cranberry juice. I had a cup of it as soon as I got home, and today I feel normal smilewinkgrin

Some times a few changes can make quite a difference; this was one of those times :-)

BenotAfraid, I get that idea of positives. It makes sense , and I will continue to work on it. I can walk with a cane. Lots of people cannot.
Two days ago , after reading your post , I went for a walk and concentrated on being lucid ; feeling as aware of my surroundings as possible. It felt good , and while crossing a crosswalk my eyes met a person travelling opposite to me. We exchange pleasant smiles...It was uplifting :-)

Andy , I hope you are feeling better soon. Sounds very tough from what I understand of your condition. Yet your posts are so positive...
Inspiring. I plan to try and start some on-line gaming today. Chess, an old favourite that I am likely a bit rusty at. But it will be fun to try gaming against someone other than the computer. Thanks for the idea.

I have noticed that my sweet Lupin has been more close to me and even more cuddly than usual lately. I love her and treat her accordingly, and she is constantly by my side. I only have to say " Lupin , it's bedtime " and point to my bedroom , and she is up off of her chair and leads the way into the room and jumps up onto the bed. I pet her and tell her I love her and she lays down beside me. I love my Lupin.

I hope everyone has a pleasant day,

Derwood wink
Posted 6/16/2016 11:02 AM (GMT 0)
It's nice to have an animal companion, I sometimes wish I had a little dog to cuddle with but don't think I'm allowed in my flat, plus they take a lot of looking after. Am allergic to cats so unfortunately can't get one.

I did some dog walking a few weeks ago for someone that was disabled and it was a nice way to get out with a dog. But the poor thing was so old and hated long walks. Not much energy and had cancer so I hated to make him walk further than he wanted to. He died unfortunately but been trying to find another dog that needs walking.

I try to see the positives in life but it feels very forced at the moment, I've always been a negative thinker so I'm trying to change the habits of a life time. Is slow progress but my therapist thinks I can do it.
Posted 6/16/2016 12:50 PM (GMT 0)
I tell my dog "NI NI" and she heads for the bedroom. It is awesome how they can be so good for us.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 6/17/2016 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
Andy, you might want to put a notice, at the local senior center. Ask at the reception desk, the best way to do that.

Peace
Trina
Posted 6/17/2016 10:36 PM (GMT 0)
How's Lupin doing?
Posted 6/18/2016 2:11 PM (GMT 0)
hi everyone, hope you are all fealing fine and happy today.

Lupin is doing great F27. Thanks for asking : she is main reason to keep going from day to day. My best friend. She also very sweet and intuative. Also she never leaves my side when I am home ; I go bed , she trots along and goes to bed with me. I have a seat ; she sits next to me.

F27 , you mentioned in the dayly check-in that you are a Canuck too. Which province do you live in? Just curious is all. Ignore if you prever not to answer. Thanks for cheering me up yesterday :)
Made a big difference.

Andy , So sorry that things didn't work out with the dog. My moods used to be quite good. But at certain times in my life , such as now , it has plummeted. So I am as hopeing my psychologist can help me and yours can help you.

Hi Char, Karen , Trina , HAPPY TURTLE , PA_grandma , Joan , Seashell , IndiannaBoy , and EVERYONE on the forum. Hope you are all doing well.
Posted 6/19/2016 6:29 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Derwood. Thanks for responding to my post about chatting. We will have to see if we can overcome the time thing. I'll share a little about my life and what I do when lonely. And I too have a cat I call Sweetie. I am 59 and married 41 yrs to a wonderful man who is also a work-a-holic.😊. I also have severe spine pain and have had numerous surgeries which have actually made things worse in the long run. I used to be very active in my church and with friends. Now I can't do much so by my own choice I refrain from going out much because it just ruins it for everyone else. I never dreamed my life would end up like this. So I picked up the hobby of making greeting cards for friends, family and for my church. It makes me at least feel like I am still a part of the human race I guess. And it keeps me in contact by phone, at least, with other card makers. Loneliness is an awful thing and what has helped for one person may not work for another. If you don't already have a church family or a hobby maybe you could check that out. I believe in God and I know He is there even though right now I don't understand His plan for me. I know He loves you too. I will pray for you and hope we can "chat" soon!
Posted 6/30/2016 6:42 AM (GMT 0)
When my depression reached the point of full disability about 20 years ago I found a volunteer organization that I could fully support their activities. I now spend at least 40 hours a week with that volunteer work. It's a work I'm very passionate about and I'm doing great things at the same time. I've made many many very dear friends over the years with this.

And you're not the least bit old. So...get your chin up. Life is not all bad.
Posted 6/30/2016 4:23 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for your thoughts Mary and SportyPig. You both have shared good thoughts and insight and I am greatful for that. SportyPig , I have thought about volenteering , but I think my psyical state ( at least for now ) is not stable enough for me to commit to this sort of thing. I am perhaps more like Mary in that I
am becoming more house-bound as time progresses.

Having said that , I am up and getting myself mobile after waking with more depression than usual , and a bit more stiffness than usual. So I credit myself a bit for clawing my way out of the hole. I
had to take a bit of my breakthru meds and likely will require a long
soak in the tub to get moving properly , but I know it would be a mistake to crawl back into bed. Also, I have to get my new meds at the pharmacy today , so I am at least facing the day.

I suppose if things were easy none of us would be here , and I turn to Healing Well quite often. The sharing and commaraderie are a big help , and so is the advice given.

So perhaps I am making a bit of progress with my psyical and mental condition? I sure am trying , and I WILL try to keep my chin up. The flip-side is that it is difficult ( for me ) to always be positive , knowing my condition will continue to worsen. But I am fighting to
improve my life , and I am relying on all the help I get here to make the journey better.

Derwood ( and Lupin )
Posted 6/30/2016 5:43 PM (GMT 0)
Derwood:

You said:

"The flip-side is that it is difficult ( for me ) to always be positive , knowing my condition will continue to worsen."

I used to always be negative, until I read a column about the importance of being positive when going into a problem, positive that you can solve the problem, saying that you attitude doubles the chances that you will solve the problem.

You also said: "Also, I have to get my new meds at the pharmacy today , so I am at least facing the day."

Did you miss what Sporty Pig said? He said he volunteers 40 hours a week and it makes him feel great.

I believe that volunteering can help also, but turning around one's psychic energy from concentrating on our problems, to dealing with somebody else's, like I'm doing right now.

Have you ever tried volunteering, at local library, hospital, school system, or walking dogs, etc., at a kennel?

How are your new meds working? Has you new attitude come in yet?
Posted 6/30/2016 6:17 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Tim Tam.

I'm glad you have been able to turn your depression around. Not all
people succeed at that. I am glad for you , and trying to achieve that too.

No , I did not miss what Sporty Pig said. Perhaps you missed the part where I mention that I am not psyically able to volenteer? In
any event , I have volenteered in the past. At my local Humane
Society. I liked it a lot , but ultimately I grew depressed with all the animals being put to sleep. But todays reality for me is that I can't
volenteer due to my psyical condition.

I will start my new meds later today , and will be reporting back on how things go. My doc is upping my Fentalyn from 25mcg/h to 50.
So I am hopeful that I will be feeling better , but time will tell.

No my new attitude is still developing. I am here for help and to offer help. I still have a ways to go. One step at a time and I will get there.

Darren.
Posted 6/30/2016 9:09 PM (GMT 0)
Darren:

Thank you for your response.

I did miss the part where you said you had physical disabilities. I had seen a reference to it 2-3 weeks ago, but that was not in my thinking today.

It did say in an earlier post that I've just re-read that you can walk with a cane. And, you said in your most recent post that you once worked as a volunteer in a dog kennel.

My deceased wife used to say she couldn't work in a dog kennel because she'd want to take all the dogs home with her.

I'm pretty much the same way. I did get a stray dog about 7 years ago, and that dog and I just got back from a walk. During the walk, I saw limbs in the median, picked them up and put them into piles, to the truck can pick them up the next time its riding around.

I felt real important. Oh, yeah. One stack had like 20 sticks or limbs. Oh, tired, yeah. Hot. Oh, yeah, it was hot today. Got a good workout. None of that would have happened without my dog.

Yesterday, two women stopped and needed directions. "Yeah, hang a left when you get to that...." Something like that. Felt real important. That would have happened without my dog, either.

Of course, neither one of us would have gotten a walk if I don't feel bad everyday when he or I don't get a walk. So we work as a team.

So, I guess the point is, if you can find something to get out of the house for, like a dog, or a volunteer thing, like walking a dog at a kennel, or talking to a senior at a senior citizens home.

Do you have transportation? Did you notice I didn't say I did any volunteering, or that I traveled any further than the block around my house? That's because I have trouble with transportation, due to an ear condition in which all sounds are too loud, including my car motor.

I can now ride in the back seat of my car, which is a big step up, because for 5 years, I couldn't do that.

Anyway, so are you able to get around? If you are, that could put you in some places where you might be able to help somebody, which could turn the psychic energy around from worrying about yourself to worrying about others, which is what I'm doing right now.

I also years ago ran across a column on being positive before taking on a problem. I had never thought of that once in my life.
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