I gave up on having a fulfilling life!

It's all cool now.

Post Edited (Cappuccino) : 8/21/2017 8:49:59 AM (GMT-6)

I understand panic, not wanting to leave the house, I just think trying to put it behind you and start fresh would help. Bad things happen in life. We deal with it when we can and then move on. It just seems like you are hanging on.

I guess it is like this. If we can't change something or make it better, it is best to move on.

I get where you are coming from. You feel you were treated badly. You were taken advantage of and bullied. What can you do to not get into that situation again? We learn from experience, and often the hard way. But we still learn. What have you learned from this?

Did you report the support workers that were abusive? Was anything done of it? Do you know why if nothing was?

As for the girl that talked you out of everything and took advantage. Did you learn from that? Do you still see her? I hope not.

There is a lot that you could work on and learn from. Then move on to something else. I hope you can do the acting again. I think it would be good for you and it teaches skills.

Have a good rest of the day.

Did they get restraining orders against you? If so, you should do your best to stay away. Why didn't they give your laptop back?

What do you mean you were being noble?

Okay, I see my words were totally ignored. I was trying to be nice, but I'm going to put it more bluntly: nobody ends up in jail 4 times by accident. If you don't change, you're going to end up with more court orders, more bannings from contacting certain women, etc. throughout your life. And quite right too: too many women get harrassed by men as it is. Support workers trying to do their job don't need it from their clients as well.

@F27 - The people who play Pokemon Go and end up in dumb places deserves everything that happens to them really. Including ending up in jail <_<.

@Peter A - If you write a long post to somebody, it's just nice to get an acknowledgement in return, that's all. Particularly as in my case I don't have a lot of energy, and writing long posts takes it out of me. At any rate I was only trying to help. Absolutely shattered, so you are spared another long post from me for tonight at least.

Well, the inflexible hours are because of lack of staff - you said it yourself already. It sucks, but it's something both you and the staff have no control over. Your best bet is us not going ahead with Brexit, because so many care workers come from Europe...

It's a shame you can't find somebody to go with you to social events for at least the first couple of times, while you get used to the new group. Would your sister go with you? I must be honest, I don't think she's got the best breed of dog there. Siberian huskies are beautiful-looking dogs, but require an awful lot of walking if they are not to get restless: they're basically outdoor dogs by nature. Maybe she could trade it in for another Yorkie :-?

It's incredibly sad about your sister's children; I don't even have any advice to give. I hope one day she will be able to see her children again and have a relationship with them.

Okay, that sounds like a man your sister and her children are better off keeping well away from. Some people are just destructive; doesn't help when they have enabling parents protecting them from the law either.

The Husky is feeling insecure and probably not getting enough exercise to calm him down. Your sister really should have gotten a different breed :-/ I wouldn't get a Husky myself, not where I am living. (I'm not allowed to keep pets anyway unfortunately.) Would have to be surrounded by open countryside before I would get a massive dog requiring loads of exercise: that way I could just let it out into the fields if I was feeling too tired to walk it.

I'm way too addicted to screens. It's not good.

There are times when it behooves us to use our inside voice.

You've landed in a safe space, and you couldn't ask for a more sympathetic member than NiceCupOfTea when it comes to autism. That said, there are some boundaries that should not be ignored.

Have a good weekend, Peter. I hope you can find some peace in the chaos.

I'll try to reply properly either tonight or tomorrow. Would reply now but I'm going off to my parents' shortly and it would take too long. Not that I have anything particularly interesting to say but I just cannot reply in a rush - every time I try my mind goes even more of a blank than normal.

I should say in advance that I am absolutely terrible at maintaining onging correspondence with even my friends, so if I do end up disappearing into a void it will probably not be because of anything you've said or done wrong: it's just the way I am. I'm trying to change it, but change is slow and tiredness is infinite.

PS: I'm also pretty sure Karen (getting by) was warning F27 and not you. Not that I saw anything unfriendly about F27's post in the slightest, but still - we all interpret things differently.

Post Edited (NiceCupOfTea) : 8/20/2016 7:50:56 AM (GMT-6)

I forgot to mention - that service user also went to a "Meetup" dating event once and badmouthed me, and a friend. The female organizer removed me prior to this apparently due to comments I made on the group's page, and he obviously just went to one of her events to give her my address. Well anyway, once I lost both of those female support workers thanks in no small part to him, and how I acted, their boss (who is a woman too) was reading out stuff from an email in front of me once about their outlook on me, where they mentioned things, and it was all about how I made them feel uncomfortable. She got a personal response from that Meetup organizer as well, where she said largely the same things. Call me paranoid, but I know this was a set-up, or more like a sham.

My friend was also my neighbor for over 3 years, until I was removed from my flat. He's under house arrest at the moment for being in prison, and lives elsewhere now. He stayed at the top floor of the accommodation, and like me, he finds life is dull, repetitive, and hard to cope with.

Anyway, he was constantly being arrested for throwing objects into a beer garden below the flat, and also into the street, from his windows. He was not intending to hurt anyone. He just wanted to let off steam, and I know how frustrated he is because of all the text messages I receive, many of which include remarks about how fed up he is, and he often says he doesn't care if he goes back to jail. However, I'm aware he was in jail years ago for attempting to torch another flat he resided in.

Unfortunately, if you're somebody who gets arrested a few times, and the court know that you've been in trouble for the same type of crimes, you will probably have to go to jail once they realize there's a pattern. The court just has to ensure others will be safe. To be honest, what he done may be viewed as being among the more petty of crimes, but it's criminal behavior nonetheless. What if you were walking down a street, and suddenly a piece of a radiator hit you on the head? So you cannot ignore bad behavior like that. It's a risk to the public.

However, I do generally think this era has a lot of stunted, bizarre, and mean-spirited individuals that just bully others for the hell of it. He has more or less giving up on finding himself a girlfriend, too. Nice women are out there somewhere, and we can't stop looking for our Miss Right.

OK. Sorry. I've just had a bit of a depressing year. But like you said, venting only goes so far, and one has to listen, take in the good advice offered, and try to improve.

@Peter - This reply isn't going to be my best, but the main impression I have got from your last couple of posts is that you aren't taking any personal responsibility at all for making women feel creeped out. If they feel creeped out around you, it's not because of other people slagging you off to them - it's something you're doing, I guarantee it. You may not mean to have that effect - in fact I don't think you do - but it's you all the same. You come across as pretty intense on here. Intensity isn't always a bad thing (e.g. when used for creating art) but in day to day dealings with people it's not usually a great idea to be too intense: it makes most people feel uncomfortable.

Your friend/neighbour doesn't sound like he would make a good partner - from your description of his behaviour, he seems the sort who would use a girlfriend/wife as a punching bag when he was angry. Maybe I'm being unfair, but I don't think somebody who torches their own flat is the most mentally stable of people. He also doesn't sound like somebody I would want to keep in touch with. Try to find, if you can, friends who are a more positive influence. No wonder you have such a depressing view of people when you hang out with some seriously depressing types. If you meet a wrong 'un, run the other way before they drag you down with them.

I just joined some Meetup groups again, but I'll probably not pluck up the courage to attend any events by myself. And I doubt the organizers that may remember me will bother to take me out of pending mode.

I don't know, but maybe word has gotten out about me, or I said the wrong things in the past that has put people off. Still, it's unfair to judge me because of what someone else has said, but I do a pretty good job of messing up my chances by being too revealing.

If for some reason I don't obtain support because they don't get back in touch, or I think it will be pointless like before, I'll probably just have to take a more 'relaxed role' for the rest of the decade, or maybe even for the rest of my life. It would be sad and unfortunate, but no less truthful.

I'd rather have intersex helpers so everything feels like it was before when my support hours were fun, with everybody getting along, but that won't happen now that social services reckon I'm some nuisance to females. It is nice having extra money now with my PIP claim, but that's no substitute for committing to real relationships. I'm honestly tired of being alone while everyone else has everything come so easy, and after so many years of this monotony, it's gotten to be a real drag.

Since I don't really have any sane friends to go out with that are my own age, and nobody is supporting me, it's practically impossible now to do much with all this anxiety. I've never used medication, and I don't particularly want to start now.

My sister is more socially capable than I am, but I know she also finds it hard to be in big groups, and she has a lot on her plate because of the hassle with her children, which only seems to get worse. An example of why you cannot trust someone comes in the form of the neighbor of the person who gave my sister the Husky. She was paid to take the dog walking, then I think she found someone cheaper, which angered this other woman. Then the neighbor began doing revenge tactics, reporting the dog for some reason, and telling the police her neighbor played her music too loud. Who needs people like her?

There's nobody else outside of a professional capacity that can support me to be involved in filming, but I've had a bad year as it is from being messed around by social services. Do I want another year that ends up being a waste of time? Now it will soon be too cold to go outdoors for long periods of time. The weather doesn't particularly bother me, but it's better going for a walk when the weather is more modest.

One disadvantage of having nice support workers is becoming too fond of them because they seem to be around for a fairly long period of time when nobody else is, but now I don't feel like I can totally trust them. I'm sure they don't want to get people into trouble, but they do get used as snitches a lot when they have to answer to others above them. It almost seems like I'll never get a fresh start with support workers anywhere, because they'll have tons of notes about me, and the bosses might say things to them that I may not agree with. If you want a fresh start, it should be fresh, and if people already give a heads up about somebody's traits or past problems, and bring their baggage with them, it may make people unsure of that person's motives, even if you know you're not a bad person. Maybe I could beat them at their own game though, and be a positive part of something, so they see good results that counteract their opinions.