Posted 12/19/2016 8:43 PM (GMT 0)
It's been 5 years, and i still cant get over her. I messed up so bad. She was a perfect girl. Smart, funny, caring. She moved to a new place,(i cried the day she left and couldnt sleep for next few weeks) way far from where i used to live(Her dad got transferred). So we promised that we'll keep in touch and get back together as soon as we can(we were in 9th grade). Right after she transferred, she tried to sabotage my best friend's(dude) relationship, who was in relationship with her best friend. I didn't like what she tried to do, that didn't feel the like the girl i used to love. We fought. I started swearing(i shouldn't have done that). She blocked me on facebook and it felt right cos i stood up for my bestfriend. I made a rebound girlfriend with whom ive been on and off since last 5 years(The rebound girlfriend is a great girl too, but i dodon't feel the way i used to feel for my ex, and I'll probably mess this one too, I'm sure), But few months later it hit me. I knew i had lost her but getting her back wasn't in the priority list, apologizing was.
I just wanted to apologize for what i had done. It's been 5 years, I haven't heard a word from her.
I'll go months without being sad over her. But then I'll hear a song, or smell something that reminds me of her. Then all of the feelings come back, and I feel like i'm back at square one. These past few days, I've been having dreams abouther. Dreams where we're happy, and together again. I cry in my dreams because i'm so incredibly happy. Then I wake up.
I can't seem to get over this girl. I truly feel like i'm being punished for losing her. Like, I had my chance to be happy with a perfect girl, and I screwed it up. So my punishment is to unhappy for the rest of my life. I'm embarrassed to talk to my friends because it's been so long.
The girl I'm in relationship(rebound girlfriend) with right now is a keeper, she's out of my league, she's one the nicest person ive ever known. She put up with all my crap, she's been there for me for the past 5 years. I have no doubt that she really loves me alot.
But i just cant, no matter how hard i try, no matter what i tell myself, i just cant get over my ex.head and I'm afraid I'm going to mess my current relationship as well. I put this hypothetical situation in front of me like what if my ex comes and asks me to choose between her and my current girlfriend, my answer always is my current girlfriend. But recently I dreamt of the same situation and went for my ex in a jiffy. I woke up realizing how much i still like her.
I dont even know what im writing this for. Its not like i havent tried everything myself.
I just dont things to get more messed up than they already are.
P.s. I'm sorry for any typos, i usually skip a word or two sometimes.