how do I know

I've also been thinking about your posts, and I came up with:

If your car wasn't running right, you would take it in for a tune up.

Counseling is a tune up of thought patterns.

It popped in my mind, and I liked it.  I hope you do too and that it makes it easier for you to go in.

bev

helpless said...
I think about how my life would be if I never got married and had kids. How much easier it would be to be alone. That thought alone drives me crazy because I would give my life for my kids. I sit there and think about how the neighbours seem to have this wonderful life. I look at people and automaticaly I compare them to myself. Of coarse they always end up being better. At time I even forget what I was thinking about. It is as if I black out.

I have these thoughts (memories) about being a small girl and something bad happening to me. Something I do not even want to write about. Not knowing if it is a true memory or just a horrible dream that I still remember a bit, drives me crazy.

I remeber thing that I have done and regret with all my heart. I have a lot of regrets.

My life seems like a movie. When I am in front of people(the camera) I smile, laugh, and I am always pretending that everything is ok. When the camara goes off so does the smile.

What should I do.

I would suggest you get a good referral to a counselor from your primary care Dr. I think many of us go thru the mental "jostling" that you have been putting yourself through. For me I work with a counselor to help me understand why I am looking for something else instead of being happy in the moment... like you with a good paying job, great kids, spouse etc. Counseling has really helped me. I have not taken any meds. Personally for me I dont want to take meds. Perhaps I am a bit of a control freak that way. Works for me. Try a good counselor. My guess is that it helps big time.