Why?

I have not been able to work since Feb. (chronic pain). Besides pain meds and other meds, I am on Cymbalta. Today I had an aptment with a urologist, first visit. Woman where you sign in is someone I know. She asked me why I had "retired". Tears started rolling down my cheeks and my lips were quivering like a child's. She quickly said, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that." I felt sorry for her. It wasn't her fault. When I got into the room to see the dr., just making conversation as I was standing there, he asked me where I worked. I mumbled, "I don't work." He said something else, I don't remember what andtold me to wait while he checked on something and left the room. When he left, I startec crying again, not big wracking sobs, just tears and this horrible feeling. He came back in as I was trying to mop up my face and asked me what was wrong. I dont' even remember now what I said, just something about not being able to work. He was very nice, told me my problem can be anything from just a bladder infection to cancer (because I smoke), etc. I left there and had to fill a prescription, went to the drug store. A woman I know works there (small town) and she is super nice, even had me a box of books in her car. But when we stepped outside to get the books, she asked me how I was doing, and there I go again, crying. I've never done that. I'm embarrased about not working, but I've never blubbered in public.

I cried at every kindness for over 6 months. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't work then either--but not because of something real. I couldn't work, because I couldn't even apply for a job without bawling. I think crying was my reaction to getting used to changes in my life and it did pass after a short while--I just needed to figure out some ready answers for people who were interested or caring.

bev