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Posted 6/12/2017 2:49 AM (GMT 0)
Hi my name is Vennessa Betancourt and I have been feeling like nothing is helping me I go to school at UCLA and I feel very depressed. I have been on anti-depression meds and for a couple of years when I was 12-13 I stayed at a mental hospital because I was failing classes missing school and I was cutting. I thought I was over the cutting phase but I guess not. I feel sick when I see my room mate shaving her legs and doing her eyebrows with tiny razors. After graduation last year I felt very different I didn't have any brake out. The doctors reduced my doses and I thought I was on my way to a new life. I was rapped a couple days after when we had my party. I called the police but they didn't have any real proof to back up that it was the man. it was hell to think I was used for my body and not my feelings. My whole life was ****ed up from then on I was ready to die. I was looking for chat rooms that I thought could help so now I'm here if anyone wants to help I'll be waiting :/ - BYE Vennessa Betancourt


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Post Edited By Moderator (BnotAfraid) : 6/12/2017 11:16:48 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 6/12/2017 6:16 AM (GMT 0)
Welcome to the forum,

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I know what it is to be taken advantage of that way as when I was 17 the same was done to me.

I was walking home after a huge fight with my now ex husband and it was dark. I do not remember much but my head was slammed against the railroad tracks and I woke up with my ex screaming at me to stay alive! I was very dizzy and could not remember anything for a moment. He asked me what happen and I asked him the same. I was so scared, he grabbed a long jacket and took me back to his place and after so much fighting I stupidly took a shower and never told ANYONE. I was a virgin until that night. Still to this day, I refuse to walk alone in the dark no matter what.

I am glad that you called the police, but I am so mad they did nothing.

I never told my counselors this and I won't as I decided the week after my rape that I would never let that stop me from living, ever! I was heartbroken and I felt like I could die myself for a week I felt shame, fear, had nightmares and spent 3 nights not sleeping, but in the end I made the choice to live! You must choose to live! Myself and many other women are survivor's because we made the choice to let someone else take our lives!

You can't give up, you have family, friends and a bright future to be here for, giving up is not an option you have to believe that. Go back to your doc and tell him you need more help, make sure they help and be your own strength. Never give up! Too many people love you. Too many people care, I said this to myself daily even before my rape and even now. Say it, mean it and live! Finish school and have a life, get help! No cutting, no giving up!

Go to the resource page and call a hotline or talk to your parents but you can't give up! Please this guy is NOT worth your life, EVER!

I am sorry again and I hope you do get help and chose to live, life gets better. I have an 11 year old son now, my world. You can do this, please get help and live.
Posted 6/12/2017 1:49 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry for what you have been through Vennessa. I think you should tell the doc what is going on. You could probably use an increase in your meds. And therapy right now is very important. You need to deal with what has happened and know it wasn't your fault. We have a way of blaming ourselves when these things happen.

Know you are not alone. We are here for you. We have all been through something traumatic. One way or another maybe different degrees. But depression alone is traumatic.

You didn't deserve what happened to you in any way. I am truly sorry for everything that happened to you.

Please see a counselor for the self harm if you aren't already. We can't discuss it here. Feel free to email one of us if you need to talk. To get an email address, click on the name of the poster. At the left of the post.

I hope things get better and that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 6/12/2017 5:33 PM (GMT 0)
Vanessa,

In this day it would be nice if justice could be delt out in turn and not in Gods own time or Karma's.

But we do not control this. We only control what we know and what we can do about it.

You have worked so hard to put that self-harm monster down in it hole. What right does that piece of trash have, that coward that hurt you, people like this have not right to take our mental health!

Talk to your doctor and ask about therapy. You can strong over this, use the anger and rage for good and constructive things for yourself and community.

Taking care of yourself first is the key!!!

You are NOT what happened to you. It is not your fault.

Keep posting, we care.

Check out our resource thread at the top of the page, 6 pages of numbers, links, books, etc....

Peace and Strength
Trina
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