Hi Trina and Rich - thank you so much for replying
Today is meh. I am isolating myself again, which is not good - but I am not in freakout mode like last week. I think the reason I can't leave the house when I get this way is because I don't have the energy to deal with people and pretend to be fine, because
opening up the whole "bad day" can of worms isn't worth it to me. Fortunately or unfortunately, I have a wide network of friends and family to whom I feel held accountable to some extent. Today I managed to dress and leave the house, do some errands, do some laundry etc. I had evening plans I cancelled (I do that a LOT) because I just don't feel like myself today. Kind of forgot what myself feels like, to be honest.
Trina, I currently am not using any of my coping mechanisms. Usually I can get into a book, maybe even tv. My phone and social media can be dangerous because I get sensitive that my friends are out doing fun things or I start doing the whole comparison stuff. I do clean (as Rich suggested - and you're right, redirecting my head helps and makes me feel like I've done something positive!) but there are those days when I just can't. Last week scared me and I'm still recovering from a crap week but I'm on the up and up, I think? I hope?
I currently have no routine or set schedule so I know I need to make one for myself. I know I "need" to do a lot of things to get better. Sadly, I am struggling to find the will to do it!
I know this too shall pass, and I hope anyone else who might stumble onto my woe is me posts knows that too. But it sure sucks being in the thick of it!!
Sending good thoughts <3