Selfish?

You are NOT being selfish Pitmom...

Change the situation you are in. There should be sharing with responsibility especially when the animals are theirs too. The grandson should have some chores too.

I hope that things work out, only you can change things. You deserve a good life...

Hugs, Karen...

Yeah, you need to start getting more ruthless. If they brought 5 animals to your house and aren't looking after them, then those animals need to be found new homes. It's not just not fair on you, it's not fair on the animals either.

It's hard to make people do tasks that they don't want to do and even harder to make them do a good job instead of a half-assed one. Instead of trying to get them to do more stuff, I think it would be a lot easier if you simply did less. Don't do their laundry, don't cook for them, etc. They are both old enough to be doing this sort of stuff for themselves, and should be doing so.

The grandson's lack of schooling should also be addressed, but it doesn't sound like anyone is motivated to tackle that. What are his thoughts about going back to school? He's not being 'home-schooled' if he isn't doing any studying.

Thanks everyone.

Family meeting with mandates sounds like a good idea.

Since I am the one paying the rent, I'm considering send her a certified letter with a 'notice to cease', following the legal rules for eviction.

Be careful Pitmom, and be prepared for a sub-optimal outcome. I wouldn't go legal yet - that's the "nuclear" option, and is likely to do significant damage to your relationship.

Choose your words and phrases carefully. You don't want to escalate this to the point where you put your daughter on the defensive. Don't be accusatory, and keep the conversation focused on how her behaviour makes you feel. Saying "I need help, I can't keep up this pace anymore." is constructive, and will allow the conversation to continue, whereas saying "You're a layabout and I need you to start pulling your weight" will probably cause your daughter to shut down.

Your daughter is not going to simply sit back and take this. She's going to kick and scream and fight and pout (or whatever the equivalent of all that is in your family); this could become nasty. Don't lose your cool, and keep your head in the game. Remember - from her perspective she's potentially losing her meal-ticket for both her and her son.

Put the family meeting off for a few weeks. By all means do it, because it has to be done, but get yourself in a place where you can approach the situation with a clear head, and a good game plan.

you get soft pitmom and ya screwed. what has happened with my mums situation highlights this......more severe, but this is the exact method of it's birth my friend. back in my day i copped the electric cord and 2 hours of squats. not advocating this, but young people got it too easy and manipulate big time. just a friendly heads up. don't wait weeks, i disagree.....rules and boundaries...my friend. you parent, they under your roof. this is the crux.

First, let me say thank you again. Over time, I feel that you all have become my friends. Your input is invaluable to me.

One of the reasons I am considering 'eviction' proceedings is that while I provide shelter for the two of them, they are not eligible for any housing programs. They must be 'homeless'.

I've talked calmly, I've written letters, I've lost my cool and screamed like a banshee...all to no avail.

Hints, suggestions, outright orders have failed to have an impact on either of them.

As for the pets, as I've mentioned on another thread, the dogs are a bonded sibling pair and cannot be separated. It would be disasterous for me to have Micah whining and barking if she were left alone. I live in a trailer park that would prefer dogs no more than 35 lbs and discourages ownership of this breed. Management leaves me alone because I know the Fair Housing Act law on Service Animals. Each dog was documented into separate households at the time they were acquired. When my daughter 'lost' her home and moved back here, the 'one dog per household' rule had to be waived in our case as she had no place else to go. Tyson is her Emotional Support Animal and Micah is mine. Five years together now and separation is nightmarish even for a vet visit.

The cats are a bit of a different story. Originally feral kittens, we have managed to 'domesticate' them quite well but they are all indoor/outdoor and know their territory well. It would break my heart to see them caged at a shelter, waiting for a forever home that may never come.

The care of the pets themselves is not the issue...their LEAVING IT ALL TO ME while they are HERE is. She was considering moving across the country, to Seattle where there is a facility that specializes in Cushing's disease. In that case, I would have gladly accepted total responsibility for the animals.

In that case, I would have only the dishes I used to wash. Only myself to clean up after. I'd go through less paper plates, tissues, toilet paper, etc.

I do NOT do their laundry. However, we do use different detergents and dryer sheets and if they weren't here there would be more storage space for those type of supplies.

Winter is coming. We live in a 10x55 mobile home with only 2 bedrooms. My garden is my 'extra living space' but in cold weather I am confined to indoors. I dread the cold and being stuck in the house with two people that, while I love them dearly, I am resenting more and more each day is just more than I can handle today.

Sigh
I feel your pain- you're in my prayers