My mom, me, and depression

I'm 20 (almost 21) and a freshman in college. My mom became sick with depression when I was around 14 or 15. Since then it's been a huge rollar coaster of issues. Shes been in and out of hospitals and group homes. At first I would visit her in the hospital and the homes..but now I won't. My dad makes me feel like I'm being incredibly selfish by doing this and that I'm helping make my mom worse.

I also suffer with major depression. I'm struggeling with self-injury right now and was nearly hospitalized right before Christmas. I'm also stressing with school and the number of times I've done poorly in my classes. I should be a junior status after this semester. I'll be lucky if I'm a sophomore the way it looks.

The problem: My mom currently is in the hospital. She was admitted a couple days after Christmas and has been there since. I refuse to see her. I'm only about 15 mins away from the hospital shes in. I also refuse to talk to her or have anythign to do with her right now. I say I have to figure out myself first and worry about her second. If I was in school hours away, would my dad still expect me to drop evreythign to go see her? I just don't know. It adds stress to see her.....and it adds stress to not see her. Any suggestions???? I'm going nuts with what to do and how to handle all of this.

sounds like my wife ...the root of her depression /anxiety is (her moms constant poor me whats wrong with me throw everything in your face type of person attitude )and her psyhc told her to stay away and when you visit to always be in control of when you can leave ...I know it is likly hard to want to see her ,but being 15 mins away iit is easier for you to leave when you have had enuff,but I can feel what you are saying by not wanting to go and yeah you do have to look out for yourself first..tough way you are in we live a few hours away from my wife parents and have gone visiting for the weekend and we would nicely get there and turn and drive the two or more hours home because my wife cant deal with her so ..that being said I have no advice in what to do just what we do here and it seems to work....its been about 5 years now and we do stay the whole weekend most time snow so it will get better when you learn your tolerence level....goodluck

J

HI,  I wanted to maybe put a different perspective on this (hopefully?).  I worked in the mental health field for many years, and ran two psychiatric residential care facilities (group homes as they are sometimes called).  My clients had a variety of severe illness from schizophrenia to bipolar to dual diagnosis.  I saw the effects it has on a person not only mentally but also physically when their most loved family wont come to see them.  As you all know NO ONE chooses to be mentally ill rather it be one of these terrible diseases or depression, why punish them for it. 

Fishkiller - By your post it sounds as if you may be a little angry at your mother for becoming sick when you were 14.  Maybe it is because you feel she took a part of your childhood away and or attention that should of been yours by her needing to go to the hospital and group homes.  You didn't say in your post if your parents are still married.  Did you stay with your dad? or did you have to go to live with other relatives or elsewhere?  This all is a factor in how you will feel about her.  Then to top it off, you also have depression.  I am not saying you don't have a right to be angry if this is the case, I would be too if I were in your shoes.  However, you only have one mother and think if something happened to her tomorrow and she was no longer here could you live with not having seen or visited with her or at tried to have a relationship.  It is obvious that this situation is causing you a lot of stress whatever the reason for it is.  Please let us know how everything goes ~elisha

Post Edited (els) : 1/16/2006 7:07:49 AM (GMT-7)