Daily Check In Thread For All!!! #177

Hello all

I'm having an iffy day. Not good, not terrible. I'm getting side effects again from the venlafaxine. It's a slight pain in my urethra which occasionally stabs. It had seemed to settle since I'd last had it a week ago (or I'd just stopped noticing it) but I've since upped the medication. Hopefully it will settle down again. I will be so sad if I have to stop it and try something else. The pain isn't really that bad, very easy to ignore if I wasn't so focused on it. It's more of a soreness really.

I'm seeing the Dr on Monday so will see what he says about it. I'll know by then whether it's settled.

You could have a bladder infection going on or something. UTI? It might not have anything to do with the medication you are on.

I hope you get it sorted out.

Hugs, Karen...

Lynn--sounds like my aunt--who died a year ago last week. She was a sharp woman--and she was incredibly independent. She threw people out happily, and had a soft spot only for animals and children. We tried to help her--but she refused point-blank. It was her choice as an adult--and nothing we could have done would have made a difference. So--you are a good daughter. A check-in once a week would be good--but all you can really do if you live there is irritate him and frustrate yourself.

All you can do is see if he is on the radar of the Council on Aging (or whatever they call it where he is.) They were the ones who finally had to help her transition to elder housing and manage things. She would not have tolerated family or a friend doing it--but a stranger could be managed.

Hello everyone. I am new to this forum but not new to this problem.: the problem of depression. You see, nearly four years ago, I lost my mother. Well she was the ripe age of 83, the circumstances surrounding her death are at best, sketchy. Not long after she died, it was revealed to me that he had had a 20-year affair with another woman. Several comments my father made while my mother was still alive pointed to the fact that something was wrong. I'll try not to go into too much detailbut my mother was a very sickly woman and my father was sort of a caretaker for her for years. She was bipolar and schizophrenic. She was also a type 1 diabetic and later on became very fragile with congestive heart failure and kidney disease. My father was very dysfunctional in the fact that he was very controlling over her. He complained about all the work there was taken care of her and yet he didn't want anybody taking over too much. I used to use my vacation time from work semicolon 2 weeks out of the year to care for her while my dad took a respite break. She was so spoiled and demanding that it took everything out of me to take care of her. But my dad made her that way. Now that I know what he was up to, I understand where he was when he said he was leaving her for awhile to go to meetings. He was actually going off to have a rendezvous with his girlfriend. Anyway to make a long story short she was found on the floor unconscious and the neighbor said she had been on the floor for about 20 minutes before the EMS arrived almost as if my father had just left her there waiting for her to die. When the nurses asked if he wanted an autopsy he rolled his eyes in the back of his head and said no. Of course it was an easy decision. She was old and probably no one cares about how an old person dies. But me my husband and my brother all know that there's more to it than that. We believe she was murdered. And so I'm here because I just can't get past this grief and not knowing and I don't know what to do about it and it's breaking my heart. Not only my grieving for my lost mother but not knowing how she really died bothers me. I really have no one to talk to about it. I feel all so alone. There are no therapy groups such as this type to really help me. My brother needs help too. He is so distraught. This whole situation is so bizarre. I feel like no one would believe me even if I told them.

Post Edited (stit60) : 2/21/2018 12:45:38 PM (GMT-7)

Hello Stit60,

My mother died about 5 minutes after I gave her a dose of liquid morphine, which she'd been on for several days at that point. I will always wonder if I somehow accidentally gave her a couple of drops too many and hastened her death. However, the truth of the matter is that she would never have recovered and it was near the end time, so in many ways it doesn't matter.

I urge you to let go of your speculation. From your description, it doesn't sound like your mother had much quality of life remaining. (sickly, bipolar, schizophrenic, diabetic, congestive heart failure, kidney disease) It is probably best to let her go and rejoice in the fact that she doesn't have to suffer any further. And by the same token, give your father the benefit of the doubt. It sounds like he devoted much of his life to taking care of her.

I know the constant wondering is wearing on you, but at this point you will never know the answers. Letting go of the questions will give you some peace, otherwise you can only continue to drive yourself crazy.

Peace.

Stit, sorry to hear of your horrible situation. Can you talk to your brother about it at least? Sounds like you are carrying around a lot.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I hope that it works for you.

Hugs, Karen

Andy1986 said...
Stit, sorry to hear of your horrible situation. Can you talk to your brother about it at least? Sounds like you are carrying around a lot.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Thank you Andy. That is at least tge,saving grace in this. My brother and I are in touch and talk almost every day. It bothers him a great deal. We have both been supportive of each other which helps. We were even thinking of starting a support group for children if murdered parents.

Don't forget about karma...

I suspected my mother was beating my grandmother, who was my adopted mother. I couldn't prove it. But in the end she got her karma.

What comes around goes around. Still think about the grief counseling. It would help you to feel better.

Hugs, Karen...

And I am glad you are having contact with your brother.

Maybe your dad was away or napping when she collapsed. And he is getting older.

It is so hard to know what happened. I know you have suspicions. But I think once you heal from the grief, you will be able so see things more clearly. Whether something happened or not. Work on you. You will be able to know by other people's actions. If they get married right away. How he acts now.

I hope that nothing bad went on. I hope you find the truth. But for the time being, give the benefit of a doubt and work on the grief. Things will fall into place as they should.

I hope you have a good day.

Hugs, Karen...

Hi Karen

Same here. Weather is beautiful. Just getting a few things done before the week starts.

Nerd

A bit chilly here, but sunny. We're expecting a nasty Nor'Easter at the end of the week. Rain, not snow, thank goodness.

The situation in my home has hit another snag...square footage. A solution is being sought. Continued thoughts and prayers welcomed.

I splurged and bought some blooming hyacinths. Their scent fills my entire mobile home! The yellow and purple crocuses are blooming like crazy in the garden. The iris, tiger lilies, day lilies and orienpet lilies are all sprouting. The daffodils and tulips have their foliage up, too! I'm seeing leaf buds on the flowering quince and the neighbors forcythia is starting to bloom!

Hoping everyone is having a peaceful day.