Advice for spouse of depressed, chronic fatigued, arthiritic illness and more

Not sure where I fit in for where to post - my hubby has depression, chronic fatigue, auto immune disease, arthritis - and lots of it still tbd. It's been horrible for him going from a competitive athlete to being so limited, but we have dealt with it as best we can. There have been many ups and downs with opioid addiction and loss of work and all that crap, which we have managed together and we have done pretty well for the last 3 years since his illnesses took over (we've been married 20), but today, when we were trying to deal with a house repair and I had a different opinion, the husband lost his crap and screamed and swore at me like you do not want to ever hear in your life. I'm not sensitive to swearing, but this was mean. And even after a reattempt to calmly discuss, I was not only diminished, but also devalued and told he wouldn't discuss the situation with me again (he'd just do what he wants, but actually won't do it because he's now lost his drive which is the saddest outcome it all). So now he's shut down again and the project fell into the black hole of despair. Make no mistake, I have supported this man completely financially & emotionally with all my heart, but at what point am I allowed to be pissed off and what happens when I feel bullied? I know he needs support and love and understanding and space and time, but don't I? If anyone spoke to a friend of mine this way, I'd be pointing them to the exit.

You have a right to your emotions and shouldn't stifle how you feel because of your husband's illness.

I know your husband is going through a lot, but so are you. Since his behavior bothers you, I would tell him so in a calm manner, instead of bottling your emotions in.

Are you going to individual counseling? Sometimes it helps to discuss what your going through with someone who is neutral. And in situations like this, you shouldn't neglect your own mental health.

Thanks everyone for the support, it means a lot!