Stick a fork in me...

Hello all. I'll try to keep this brief but I can make no promises.
Years ago my son was arrested for weapons possession (that in itself is a long story). I had told him he'd have to wait for a bail reduction hearing. Meanwhile, his sister and step mother went behind my back and arranged for bail. No one read the fine print at the bottom of the page. After he was incarcerated, no one kept up on the payments.

My daughter had given my phone number on the paperwork, so the collections agency started calling my home about the debt. I was livid. Eventually it all went to court and both my daughter and my son agreed the debt was theirs to pay and arrangements were made.

Well, those payments got defaulted on and.....yep.....I start getting the phone calls again! Then, my daughter is sent more court papers saying they are going to collect all of the interest, too! I talk with the lawyer and ask if a lump sum payment is made, can this all go away? Terms are worked out and my partner agrees to make the lump sum payment and my children can then pay her back.

My daughter has been making the payments...my son has not. Last night, she starts complaining to me...that I should talk to him and tell him he has to make payments, too. I came close to exploding on her.

None of this is MY mess! The weapons were my ex-husbands. I did not arrange for the bail. I had no papers to read the fine print from. Yet, I was the one harassed over and over about the payments! My daughter and grandson live with me...rent free (not what I had in mind) and she has the audacity to complain to me about him not paying!? My partner paid so that she wouldn't get socked for all of the interest and this is the thanks?

So, I called my son. Told him he needs to respond to her texts. Told him that I agree he should be helping to pay the money back to my partner. Then, I told them both this is the last I want to hear anything about the bail, EVER!

My ex husband is dead...never should have had any weapons to begin with...step mother should have had them removed from the home after his death...has never paid one dime on this bill or gotten one phone call about it...has gotten off scot free!

I'm angry. I'm tired. Stick a fork in me...I'm DONE! I'm so tired of being 'the bad guy' (she uses a different term).

Thank you all for 'listening'...if I didn't have a safe place to unload this...well, we know what thoughts follow, don't we?

You have a very good and caring partner. That was so nice of her to help out your children; I know I wouldn't if my partner's kids were in that situation.

I don't have kids, so you can take what I'm going to say with a grain of salt, but I think you need to set up some ironclad boundaries with your son, daughter, and grandson. Let them know that there is only so much you will do or take.

Your not the 'bad guy'. If you were, your children wouldn't come to you for help when they need it.

Thank you all. Your responses mean a lot to me.

My son says he understands it's his responsibility, too, and now that he's starting a new job that pays better he'll get on it.

My daughter has apologized to me for arguing about it.

A little progress.

Keep 💪. Some stern straight up words does wonders. HT