Why do we do things that purposely hurt us?

Hi SundayGirl,

Very interesting and great question! I often wonder this myself. I have suffered from depression and anxiety most of my life..and I feel that is what I am "used to". I am used to chaos, instability, uncertainty, poor impulse control, doubts about my abilities, etc. I am now taking medication (finally), but I still think the way I did when I was depressed. I try to improve my thinking by self help workbooks and counseling..still..it is very hard to change a way I have thought for 40 years. For example, when I am in the shower, I sometimes feel my thoughts start to race a bit..and the negative thinking comes along..it takes me a few minutes to tell myself to think more positive..it feels I am unaware I am having negative thoughts as I am so used to them. Now, that I am on medication..sometimes it is really weird to feel good..and then I wonder..I am feeling good..do I deserve to feel good..etc.

Rianna,
I am right there with you, sister. I have to keep busy with mindless tasks or the demons of self-loathing start jabbing at me.
I feel all those things you do.
Just sit tight, the corrective thing will come sooner. Glad you are feeling better as of late. I hope you keep in mind that you will hit bumps and it might hurt a lot....