Need some advice/help.

Hi there,

I have read some postings and there seems to be alot of supportive people out there. I need some help because I am very depressed I have had phases of this since I was 15yo and 8 years later I am still battling with it and losing. I have trouble sleeping most nights and this seems to triggers depressive thoughts. I haven't been to a doctor and have rung around today. I am alone in a new town (a small not so good town). We moved here because my partner got a good job. I couldn't find one here for months and then I finally got one and went for one day and quit!! How stupid. I had studied for 4 years before that and loved that and then got into teaching and did that for a year and it nearly killed me, the staff weren't supportive and I was working 7am-1am (all nighters), and only had two saturdays off last year. So  the thought of moving away to hopefully a better life sounded great. Well now I am here in the new town and I am stuck in a depressive rut. I tried relief teaching and gave up after a day. All through uni I stuck at my jobs and even loved them, then did teaching and can't get over the depressive year I had. I feel like a quiter. I don't know what to do because my family have high expectations. So I don't know what to do. I having found what I meant to do in my life. I can't be bothered getting up in the morning.  I cry heaps. I haven't made any friends down here because I feel trapped in  the house. I tried to join groups but there ain't much around here. I am so fatigued, have a constant sore neck, anxiety, panic attacks and headaches and zero motivation. I have no clue what I am doing here, I don't know who I am, and sometimes it would be nice to have a shoulder to cry on. I never really think about suicide because that would be tooo much effort. I know that this is a chance for me to get fixed. Because it seems the same old record is playing each time, I know what the lesson is, but it is real hard for me to learn it and I am wasting my life away. I wish I could stop feeling negative and sad. Would drugs help? I have tried hard for so many years to not need them, but I can't do this by myself anymore. I just feel like getting up going to work kills me both mentally and physically. Does everyone feel like this? Is it possible to find who I am and do something I love. Sorry for this moan. i simply don't know what else to do. What are some good depression drugs and sleeping drugs? What do I need to know. I tried one type of depression drug for a week and I felt like my head was being bashed in, so I stopped it. I have a DEEEEP sense of worthlessness and no confidence. Please help.

Thank you for your advice. I will see a doctor tomorrow and have done some hunting around and found a support group for depression that meet every thursdays. But as for a job I am at a loss for what to do. I just need something "peaceful". I just wich I could wake up and feel well. Because what makes me feel depressed. I definately will be asking for some sleeping tablets when I go to the doctor. I just think I have a confidence problem i.e. I don't have any!!! I don't know why I am a bit of a "quiter" now. I just freak out after doing something. I just self-sabotage.

I feel better that I have had a peaceful day at home with my 2 cuddly cats. I am always all over the place emotionally. Like now I am good as gold. But if something triggers me off I will cry and cry and cry. I am so mad at myself for letting it effect working. I do think I will talk about going on some sort of drugs with a doctor. Sometimes I just feel like a break from my feelings like it is "overwhelming". I can't hide at home for ever (I am lucky my partner had a good job!! so I can for a little bit). I just find it awkward also in social situations, Like I feel like I have to "fake" how I act around people, like it isn't me. I miss having a friend to go hit the shops with and go to a cafe with. But it is all part of this vicious cycle. Stuck in house = no friends. So it is really my own fault. I was wondering about depressive drugs...what ones work really well? I just don't really know what to do. I feel like I don't know what is my purpose is here? All I really want is a feeling of calmness, and some good decent sleep. To sleep through the whole night would be great. I will have to start helping my partner out financially. I can't be unemployed all this year! However, whilst I have been home I have been doing heaps of chores and cleaning up so I don't feel "lazy" just a little lost.

I don't really know what I am going to say to my family about pulling out of this job. I am not a liar and hate lying, but they just won't understand, so maybe I will leave telling them a while until I feel in a better place emotionally. Maybe it will get them off my back, them thinking I have job! But is mean not to be honest, but all I will get is a whole lot of negative stuff if I tell my family, like I am useless bla bla bla which won't help at the moment! Anyways, I will keep on ringing around for a doctor and I am definately going tomorrow. Even that scares me at the moment! How silly. Thanks again for the advice and am eager to hear some info about depression drugs that have worked well.

hi there, there seems to be only one doctor in town who will take new patients, so it seems I have to fill out forms and wait for record transfer etc. In the mean time I will have to wait and go crazy!! This town is like that it is real backwards! Anyway, I have got myself booked to see a counselor in two days and will go to the support group in the evening so hopefully that helps. I am at a loss for what to do about a job though. I suppose I just have to start making myself feel better first, and then look into it later, in the mean time I am letting people down, because they all have high expectations. I suppose this is one time in your life where you have to say "I don't care what you think, because I have to look after myself and do what is right for me!" I will let you know the outcome of all this and hopefully I can start to heal this.