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Posted 5/31/2006 2:27 PM (GMT 0)
well, today is not a good day. i'm really mad at myself. yesterday i wanted to go on a walk with my brother and sister, and i couldn't. its just so upsetting to not be able to do the things that i used to do. i cant take them to the park, or the local pool, or out to eat. i cant even get a job because im so afraid of leaving the house. i can go to my grandmothers house if i can make it to the car, but even that is hard, and i dont know that anyone understands. i also went onto myspace, and saw all my ex, "friends" and how they're getting on with there lives after what they did to me, putting up hurtful, toxic things about me, and now im so depressed. as they go out and have fun, im stuck here, feeling sorry for myself. this whole thing feels so unreal, like im gonna wake up at any minuet. one moment im crying, then im screaming at the kids for no reason, then im drained, then im bouncing off the walls and laughing uncontrollably. i wonder if im going crazy. i dont know up from down anymore. i hate being alone, and im sick of being scared, but i dont think i can fix it. iv been taking my paroxetine, but its not helping, and im so confused. i just needed to rant i guess. 
Posted 5/31/2006 4:07 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, Alyx!
I posted on the anxiety board asking about you, oping you were okay. Did you go to the psychiatrist? Have a real sit-down discussion with your Mom about what's going on with you? I hope so! You'll have to address these matters one way or the other. You can only "run" so far, Alyx. Your doctor may want to try you on another medication and I truly believe you need a therapist to help you sort these things out. As to your ex-friends on my space, why give them the pleasure of tormenting you by reading their silly, stupid posts? If you knew that there was a gallon of putrid vomit in a bucket, would you go look at it out of morbid curiosity, knowing it would make you ill? I doubt it! When you read their garbage, that's what you're doing, making yourself sick over these rude mean people's lies! So many times, we think that people that seem happy must be happy, but believe me, it ain't always so! I'm living proof! LOL!!! That's another story, but just cuz your ex-pals seem like they've got it "all", it isn't so. Would you want to be like them? NO! So what's to be jealous of/ They'll pay their dues one day, one way or the other!
Take care and keep us posted!
ajnet
Posted 5/31/2006 4:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Alyxandra,  It sounds as if your going through some really harsh things with some peers at the moment.  You do need to talk to your mother or a therapist about what is going on.  Especially since this whole situation has evoked these type of feelings in you.  Kids are and can be really hurtful and hateful and when they see that they can torment someone.   The problem with this situation is that they are going to continue this behavior until something or someone makes them stop.  That something is up to you or your parent...one is that you hide away in your house and continue to let them KNOW that they have hurt you which is only going to make them keep on doing what they are doing or two, you go on about your life like they dont exist and arnt effecting you until they get bored and move on to someone else.  Or your other option is if you know who the people are who are doing this and who have put nasty things about you up on myspace then you can file a police report against them for harassment which is what they are doing to you but chances are this is only going to aggravate the situation more.  It will be okay you just have to hang in there and be strong.  You are way much better then those snotty kids, hold your head up and dont be ashamed of yourself. 
Posted 5/31/2006 11:19 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Alyx.
i had someone who was telling lies about me when i was young, and it caused some horrible moments, i mean the truth can be dealt with much more easily than lies, and i fely really hurt and ashamed, but one day i turned what this person begun around so everyone else questioned her, the problem stopped at that moment, i allowed myself to confront the problem,

while i think you should stay away from these people, and i agree with Janet, they will one day get whats coming to them, i also think that, maybe you can write a little letter, keep it short and to the point, express your feelings, not what happened, Say that you are hurt, that this will affect your life ........, and if they were in your shoes how would they feel, Ask them, do any of you have a concience, and how can any of you even consider yourself a friend to anyone if this is how you treat them,when you get it written and you feel happy that its clear, show it to your mum, then send it to them, "DON'T look for a reply"

Theres a good chance there is one or two in that group who are stirring the others, tickle the conceince a little and you may find one who will think a little more compassionately. But no matter you have done the right thing, been courageous and challenged this,
Posted 6/1/2006 8:45 PM (GMT 0)
I can tell you that it is important to stay away from places real or online that I know will trigger me. If myspace is causing distress in your life because you can see your ex's friends, then I would avoid going there. Please keep us posted on how you are doing. I hope you find the answers you are looking ror.
Posted 6/7/2006 4:24 AM (GMT 0)
hay there

i have the same issues as you

i have 2 sons and cant even make it to ball games or take them shopping w/ out going balistic

even whe i do get out i have to be w/ either my boy friend or my best friend, no one else is capable of handling my panic attacks. i don't even go out to dinner anymore. i just dont want to be around groups of people at all.  So don't get so down on your self.... your not alone.  the only way i am able to handle not being there for my children is my ex-hubby will take videos or pics for me.  i am able to talk to them and they understand that mommy is just not feeling well and cant be there. I also reasure them that i do love them and am doing my best to get better. it is just going to take some time.    Keep your chin up it realy does get better.

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