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depresive relapse.. sigh

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Posted 6/13/2006 2:33 AM (GMT 0)
Well after a year with out having any symptoms  of depression... it's back agian. I was doing really well.... that is until my 21st birthday in April.... somehow birthdays make me feel so lonley & bring up hurt feelings of abandonment. My best friend/my dad didn't even remember it. I felt so unloved & unspecial and just wanted the day to be over. Birthdays just remind me that somewhere out there there is someone who is also having a birthday that is surrounded by lots of friends & family who care enough about them to make their day special. And how I'm just not good enough to have someone to love me enough to do the same for me. Fast forward 2 months.... my younger sister (biological cousin but we were raised as siblings long story.. I was never legally adopted) is turning 19 on the 20th of June & my Aunt is planning a huge surprise birthday party for her & asked me to help. I got a gift card & a passing glance on one of the most special birthdays a person can have... but A gets this huge production. I am feeling very depressed & disconected from my family & friends. I used to be a bright happy person with lots & lots of friends but isiolated myself when I was feeling depressed & pushed them away. Now I have virtually no one & I feel so alone.. like at 21 my life is already over & not worth living anymore. Gosh this crap sucks.... I hate this ugly cycle of getting better only to have it all torn away agian. Making friends only to have depression isiolate them away.... finding someone to love me only to find out they abandon me like all the rest. Sometimes it's just so hard to cope.
Posted 6/13/2006 7:59 AM (GMT 0)
hi Mbsss,

You sound like me, when I feel down or sad i would go sleep it off. , this offcourse disapeared now that i took ovrr my life and do the things that i want to do and not feel afraid and loonly. my parents were confused, my mum supported me but my dad ( who also depressed ) would not beleave i will ever be cured, he's always deppresed anyway lol.
Posted 6/13/2006 10:13 AM (GMT 0)
Happy 21st Birthday!! We cant give you a party but I don't want to let it go by unnoticed.  My real dad once forgot my birthday.  He lives 200 mile away from me and works a lot but still it hurt.  Instead of disconnecting yourself from your family how about trying to write a letter or note telling them how you feel.  I know it is much easier to act like everything is okay, your fine and just go one being hurt with it inside but you really should address the issue with them.  You are entitled to feel hurt, anger and maybe even a little jealousy.  We are always here...take care
Posted 6/16/2006 5:23 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, I can really relate to your post, although I am much older than you at 44..I remember many a birthday being spent alone and miserable..that no one cared and I was forgotten about and unloved (which in reality is not true..it was the depression talking and feeling of abandonment that you are going through)..no body remembered it - not my friends or even my family..what little family I have left. My friends and family also knew I spent Christmas alone and Thanksgiving, and they would not call me on those days. It was just another day. In my twenties and thirties it really bothered me..but it doesn't anymore, because I am used to spending Christmas, Thanksgiving, Christmas eve and New Years alone..so I figure..what the heck..my birthday is just another day, and I will spend it alone as well, and not have any expectations that anyone will remember it..that way, if someone does, I have always enjoyed "pleasant suprises". Sometimes, I just go out by myself and treat myself to appetizers, and a drink..

Just a suggestion..why not make hints to your family and friends that it is your birthday and see if anyone would like to meet you out for a drink or dinner somewhere to celebrate? What will probably end up happening, is that they will all invite their friends, and you will get lots of presents and people buying you dinner or drinks out of it. I recently started doing that..I would tell my friends about two weeks before my birthday, that I did not want to spend it alone, and if they would like to meet me somewhere for a drink..many times, I get a resounding "yes" and then my birthday ends up being really nice. Sometimes, people get really involved with their own problems and busy hectic lives..so please don't take it personally..I don't think people forget your birthday on purpose or do it maliciosly and you are certainly worth having a great birthday..but maybe just put out a few "hints" a few weeks before hand...and they will come!
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