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trying to find a way to cope

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Posted 6/18/2006 1:07 AM (GMT 0)
Hello,
I am new around here and i joined because i dont have anywhere else to go. i live in a country where things are very much controlled by the husbands and in laws. its not in my hands to go to a therapist. i requested my husband and he refused saying that the therapist will put you on anti psycotics and you will be sleeping throughout the day and who will take care of the kids then. i have two lovely daughters three and a half and one and a half. the causes for my depression is that after living a great and independant life i decided to marry a person who took me to a place which has become a hell for me. i dont have anything in my hands. i dont have any help around and i dont have any more friends as i dont have time for my friends anymore. i am always working and i never got any care or reward back for this. i will tell my life story and my conditions if anyone is interested to be my friend here.
Posted 6/18/2006 1:38 AM (GMT 0)
Oh Fozi, here's a big hug for you :-)

Sounds like a very difficult situation to be in. Is there any way your husband would really listen to you if you explained how tough of a time you're having. I remember when my kids were little and I had no friends (due to having children young) and it was lonely.

I'm taking an anti-depressant called Celexa and for the first bit, I was really tired but after a few weeks, it has helped tremendously.

Anytime you want to come here and "talk", there will be someone to listen. I wish you the bast and wish I could do more.
Posted 6/18/2006 1:59 AM (GMT 0)
thanks softy,
I have been up all night to wait for the reply. tonight i couldnt sleep and i have a hard day coming soon....my father in and sister in law are staying with us as he is undergoing treatment for hepatitis c....my husband recently finished his treatment for hep c ....and during his treatment he has even hit me and his doctor told me to bear with him as these were the side affects of peg interferon. my mother in law is clever enough no to treat her husband at her own place so she sent him here saying that there is always electricity shutdown in her town and the injections cannot be stored as they need to remain in cold chain.

My gols in life were to raise my kids as fine people and they are being affected a lot. I feel like crying and I feel like going away somewhere ...where i dont see the faces that make me suffer like this specially my mother in law who is trying to control my life through my husband.
I dont feel like a person anymore.

Posted 6/18/2006 3:35 AM (GMT 0)
Fozi,
Are you in a mideastern country? It sounds like it to me...are you from a mideastern country? I know that many people of the Islam beliefs do not like psychiatric medicine...there is a belief among many muslims that if a person is a "good" muslim, he or she won't have these type of problems. I find that sad, as there are physical causes of depression as well as situational reasons.
Of course, you may not even be in a mideastern land or be a muslim, but there's others on this forum that are. Maybe Akram or Blackxwind will see your post. It can be slow on the weekends, so please don't feel like no one cares if you don't get many replies right away.
HUGS!!!
janet
Posted 6/18/2006 2:46 PM (GMT 0)
Hi I saw your post and it does sounds a little familiar to what happens over here. i think I know which country is it but i don't want to give it a bad name, which isn't the purpose of this thread.

I know a good doctor in egypt and in jordan, PM me if you need his address.

Fozi my guess is don't have a job. Does your husbend mind that you work? if not go ahead and do it , do something for yourself, you will feel greate.

I don't know how you husbend is treating you, if you don't love him anymore and can't live with the way he is treating you then you should move out to your parents house for a start. and make him come to you.
Posted 6/18/2006 4:03 PM (GMT 0)
Hitting your wife is a side effect of peg interferon. Give me a break. Hitting is wrong no matter what and I can't believe a doctor would make an excuse for that.

Fozi, do you have family or friends out there somewhere that can visit you? It sounds like your situation is overwhelmingly lonely and I remember being in that place and I wouldn't wish it on anybody.
Posted 6/19/2006 10:08 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Fozi,  I am so sorry you are going through this...I cannot image what you are going through.  There are many countries still today that treat women in this manner, where is acceptable for the husbands to beat their wives and treat them as cattle instead of a person.  It is wrong but when your in that situation I'm sure that it is depressing and hard to see an end in sight.  I used to take an interferon (not for hepatitis but MS) and never once did it make it angry, or want to hit something or someone.  A real man would take ownership for what he has done instead of trying to blame his actions on something else.  You said in your post "i decided to marry a person who took me to a place which has become a hell for me."   are you able to speak to your parents?  Do you think they can help you get out of your situation?  I don't have any magic answers but we are here for you.  Welcome to healing well forum...Take care
Posted 6/20/2006 6:12 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for all the replies....whenever i wanted to write a message my kids didnt allow me so here i am again....  actually i am in pakistan...i studied in US...but when i was about to graduate i fell in love unfortunately...that was the other side of him that i saw..... he was also graduating from the same school...he didnt pay his fee for the last two semesters and couldnt register into last semester due to non payment... instead of persuing my degree i paid for him...he graduated....i thought i can do it any time when i have money...but after he graduated he planned to go back to pakistan....i had a daughter from him and i had already married him...couldnt think of leaving him....and then he showed me the future picture as good as anything...so i followed him.....

then i got stuck and i got too dependent on him.....i didnt have anything in my hands and slowly everything went out of my control...they have the tactics you cannot imagine....

my parents ...sure they can help as they have always helped me in everything...but now they are old and they are happy to know that i am happy as i am the only daughter.....i just cannot imagine to make them worried and make their life difficult ...they worry for me too much...and i am happy that they are happy for me..

i am depressed because of my circumstances...if they are changed i can get better automatically....but i dont find how to...

i love you all for caring...

thanks

 

Posted 6/20/2006 8:16 AM (GMT 0)
Fozi,
It is admirable that you don't like to worry your parents, but think about it this way...you love YOUR children very much. When they are adults, you will still love them very much. If they needed your help then, wouldn't you want them to tell you? Even though your parents are getting older, they want you to be happy. They raised you for you to have a happy life. I hope that you will let them help you. It's not too late!
I wish for you the best!
janet
Posted 6/20/2006 8:54 AM (GMT 0)
hi fozi,

I agree with janetlee, these are your parenrs and they would not do something to hurt you. they just want you to be happy, and to be strong because life is dificult, You either get sinked or you can go clime a mountin :)

You got to beleave in your self. be confident and tell your parents what is going on, they can help you, being old means they have a lot of knowledge and exirience in life that you can learn from them. and offcourse they love youas u said your the only daughter.

If you want happyness in this life, you must persue it no matter the cost.
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