This is my second post on this website. Im a 17 year old male. I cant quite put my state into words. My brother is pretty severely depressed. He is very analytical and very smart, so his mind tends to take him into dark places. Some of this has rubbed off on me. I cant help but think sometimes that people are all in on something that I am not in on. Surprisingly I am pretty adept socially. People tend to like me right off the bat, however, usually i become nervous or anxious or paranoid and I tend to drive people away. I dont do this as a defense mechanism or anything, I just try too hard to be liked sometimes. Additionally, people never dislike me when i push them away...they more or less just become friendly but indifferent. Im not going to sugar coat my post, I smoked ** for a while and it definitely made me more depressed. I would become extremely anxious and nervous around people while high. It came to a point where I simply could not talk to people without being extremely awkward and uncomfortable. However, the opposite happens when i drink. Although I have only gotten drunk about
6 times, I always become extremely sociable, and people gravitate towards me. I literally become the life of any party, and i develop an incredible amount of friends who believe that I am always that cool and great to be around. All of my anxieties and worries go away and I truly believe that i become myself. I dont have addictive tendencies so I dont believe I will develop alcoholic tendencies, but my goal is sort of to get myself in a drunken mental state while being sober. In other words, lose the anxious tendencies without having to drink.
Post edited due to forum rules and guidelines #1. No discussion of any illegal activity - i.e.: illicit drug use.
Post Edited By Moderator (els) : 6/20/2006 3:32:37 AM (GMT-6)