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Posted 8/27/2006 11:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi every one, I have suffered for so long and am at a low right now, although i must admit that i have been inspired and a tad cheered by the forum.

my name letmebe is simply as i feel ..... i can hear me now saying to my family, just leave me and ille be fine, friends have been pushed away because i can not be bothered. depression is so selfish and all we think about is ourselves.. but not on here. that amazes me .

This has been bugging me for a while. I have never contemplated suicide, I can not go there. WHAT I WANT(think i want) is to get away from me. just to be left alone, not to be asked anything, not to have to consider another being ..... does this make any sence? ring any bells ? 

Why is it that suicide is considered to be the ultimate symptom of depression? any answers?

Posted 8/28/2006 12:31 AM (GMT 0)
Suicide is the most frightening possible outcome of depression. So suicidal thoughts are the symptoms we must be most aware of.

I like your name. I must admit I often would like people to just let me be.

I haven't had a chance to welcome you, so welcome to the forum. Its been a big boost for me.
Posted 8/28/2006 2:15 AM (GMT 0)
i agree with you friend...i dont want anymore demands on me to do anything anymore, its like i am burned out on everything and everyone after being alive for 50 yrs i seen it all and done nearly it all ( i have nt been to jail or anything like) that though my problem lies from my nutso family i had to deal with my whole life and the pattern of abusive relationships i got myself into as a reuslt of being too ignorant to make good choices....i dont mind living alone b/c i do what i want when i want to frankly i think the rest of the world is nuts between the fighting going on in the world ( thou shall not kill rightexcept when its your foe at war)i know how you feel. i ahve decieded the 'friends' i was with were burning me out with their problems also and had to cut them loose for a while, i think  i have problems relating to people in general b/c of whati been through, its like going through a war then coming home, peeps dont know what you been through and what its like ..in my case i got taken advantage of a doctor who did a needless operation on me my neck and put inthe wrong sized metal plates and now they have to come out and i almost died from the operation in the first place and i dont want to do it again as there is no guranatee ti will be any better and i am tiredof taking chances on bad docs again so i am a pain med person now and a xanax person now  i have trust issues now with docs and laywers etc. it is too long to go into read some of my posts if you want to know waht i been through... good luck

letmebe said...
Hi every one, I have suffered for so long and am at a low right now, although i must admit that i have been inspired and a tad cheered by the forum.

my name letmebe is simply as i feel ..... i can hear me now saying to my family, just leave me and ille be fine, friends have been pushed away because i can not be bothered. depression is so selfish and all we think about is ourselves.. but not on here. that amazes me .

This has been bugging me for a while. I have never contemplated suicide, I can not go there. WHAT I WANT(think i want) is to get away from me. just to be left alone, not to be asked anything, not to have to consider another being ..... does this make any sence? ring any bells ? 

Why is it that suicide is considered to be the ultimate symptom of depression? any answers?

Posted 8/28/2006 2:45 AM (GMT 0)

by the way, i forgot to say, that i am trying to move past this 'victim conscienceness' i have gotten myself into...it is a cycle...and i am trying to get by it but it is hard b/c i feel no justice has been served for me.

how do i get past the idea that i have not had justice served in my life from peeps who intentionally hurt me?

my therapist told me i have to learn how to forgive and forget and move on...i have to write angry letters and get it out of my system, if i did that and mailed them i would be put into jail though for what i want to say to those people would not be nice.....

any thoughts on how to forgive and forget and move on from my hurts?

i have tried to put it behind me and go back to being a sp ed teacher b/c they need em down here but i am not ready to do this and dont know if i will ever be ready to go there again b/c it reminds me again of being 'victim consciencess' ....and i want to get past this.....i cant work with hurt kids anymore b/c i feel their pain also and makes me feel helpless all over again...

Posted 8/28/2006 8:25 AM (GMT 0)
hi everyone.. dont you just hate it when you bump into people with problems ... my depression comes from no where and then i find something. Yes Ive suffered rejection and could not even consider an emotional relationship .. all my emotion goes to my children. I work full time and have been a single parent for 7 years although i was a single parent previous too . so in all i have carried the can for many years.. two of my children are at home and 1 has my baby grandchildren... yes she is a single parent too .... my fault! i make it look easy!


they think im super woman ... everyone thinks i cope ...... but emotionally i am very fragile ...... thats why im so alone .. thanks for answering and i hope i can get to know the site and lots of people on it . i already feel better ... lets hope im more in control than i think


on the subject of suicide ..... i hate violence and to me suicide is violent .. it does not come into my vocab or thoughts, its just not there... the other feelings are so close like...... just wanting to be left... sometimes im scared that i may go over an edge but luckily for me i am able to shy away from alcohol and all that so i take my pain on the chin ..... maybe im not in as high a degree of depression that i think but im very aware that i am burnt out, zapped without enthusiasm, struggling to get to work and dropping like a fly at what used to be mini crisises ... screaming in my head and sometimes unable to breath if they do not let me be.

i used to be so strong and good in crisises.. im losing sight of me .. gonna go and get my tabs which are citrolopram ... only 20 mg ..... maybe its time to speak to my doctor again..... i just wish someone would do it all for me .... bless you all and thank you x

right thanks for letting me ramble .... catch you all soon xxx
Posted 8/28/2006 7:24 PM (GMT 0)
A couple of things come to mind- First welcome

There is another thread started by Atedogs regarding "do we really want to die". In those posts there is a lot revealed about folks attitudes about suicide. I think suicide is the ultimate selfish or cowardly act. I am not judging anyone else, I am just speaking from my life and experiences with depression and the loss of someone close to me through suicide. Most of us here are not selfish people as you have seen, we are just struggling every day to be the best we can be and that struggle is tiring and making us weary. On the other thread we talked quite a bit about how we don't want to die what we want is for the struggle to get easier or go away so that we can live our lives in a more peaceful manner. Having struggled with so much for so long, and I fully admit that my struggle has been a cake walk comparatively, we have accepted the reality that even recovery can be cut short by relapse. This is our struggle and only death will end it even as it ebbs and flows within our lives. I think that is why suicide is part of this issue.

Missie1227 - I have posted this before but will offer it to you here as well. A dear and wise friend of mine once told me that forgiveness is not about the other person it is about you. Forgiveness does not mean that you accept, approve of or condone the hurtful behavior that other's have committed against you. That behavior was about power and through forgiveness you take the power away from the hurtful person and return it to yourself. Forgiveness is taking the power back because you no longer allow the hurt to rule you. I think t hat may be something like what your therapist is talking about.

Best Regards,
Posted 8/28/2006 9:14 PM (GMT 0)

I love your quote, its so true. Knowing that and doing it are different things. How do I do this when I am tumbling down in a spiral of negativity. When I fight and try, something knocks me back every time.




. A dear and wise friend of mine once told me that forgiveness is not about the other person it is about you. Forgiveness does not mean that you accept, approve of or condone the hurtful behavior that other's have committed against you. That behavior was about power and through forgiveness you take the power away from the hurtful person and return it to yourself. Forgiveness is taking the power back because you no longer allow the hurt to rule you.

Posted 8/28/2006 10:36 PM (GMT 0)

letmebe said...

I love your quote, its so true. Knowing that and doing it are different things. How do I do this when I am tumbling down in a spiral of negativity. When I fight and try, something knocks me back every time.




. A dear and wise friend of mine once told me that forgiveness is not about the other person it is about you. Forgiveness does not mean that you accept, approve of or condone the hurtful behavior that other's have committed against you. That behavior was about power and through forgiveness you take the power away from the hurtful person and return it to yourself. Forgiveness is taking the power back because you no longer allow the hurt to rule you.

Well, you have to give yourself permission to take care of yourself, you are the only one who knows how to do that.  I know it sounds simplistic but it is key.

Posted 8/29/2006 4:10 AM (GMT 0)
Hey, letmebe,

I never seem to be able to master the "quote function"....
"Why is it that suicide is considered to be the ultimate symptom of depression? any answers?"
Do you mean ultimate symptom or ultimate answer? There are various specific symptoms of depression. But there's no single ultimate symptom.
If you meant 'answer'; that's easy: people want their pain to stop. Getting high wears off, many drug users are people who feel like life sucks and they just want to get away from that feeling. Unfortunately, people equate death with the idea that their pain will stop forever.

vale,
Poet
Posted 8/29/2006 4:40 AM (GMT 0)
Stronglady,
quote:
"I think suicide is the ultimate selfish or cowardly act. I am not judging anyone else"

Actualy that's exactly what you're doing. In breath you're labeling millions of people as selfish and cowardly; but that sounds bad so in the next breath you throw out the caveat: I'm not judging. Let me ask you something, the guy who throws his body onto a live grenade 'cause there's 4 or 5 guys in the foxhole. That's deliberate self destruction, suicide by definition; and according to you he's a selfish coward.
Who are you to judge or evaluate the hearts and minds of men and women whose lives you nothing of?
Oh i know this isn't going to win me any friends; but i can empathize with people who feel they suffer more than they can bear, and are lost in a tragedy.

quote:
"I am just speaking from my life and experiences with depression and the loss of someone close to me through suicide." Indeed, which you obviously haven't gotten over. And now it's a double tragedy, you, left with your anger and pain and unable to confront that person with your feelings.
That must have hurt you badly. In such an instance, many people do take their feelings and sweepingly apply them to anyone who acts in a similar vein.
But you're spitting on the bodies of total strangers; and while your feelings are valid, to take those feelings and paint them on all persons past and present; is simply illogical. I'm sorry you got hurt that badly.

vale,
Poet
Posted 8/29/2006 5:48 AM (GMT 0)
Poets, wrong, I'm not angry about what my friend did, never have been.  When he died I had a sense of sadness and the knowledge that it was such a waste.  Suicide as a selfish, cowardly act is simploy my personal opinion which I don't project on anyone else. It is the standard that I hold for myself. If I killed myself it would be selfish because of the people in my life that I would leave behind.  There aren't too many that would really care that much but the people that are there for me are wonderful, caring people who inspire me everyday.   I know them, and myself, you don't and that makes me the expert on what my life and the people in it are all about.

Posted 8/29/2006 5:40 PM (GMT 0)
suicide is not nice at all . and it hurts you and the peoplle you really love in your life . i should know it very well . attempted to kill myself 4 times before now . the last one was 8 years ago . almost died this time ' even had a priest at the foot of my bed praying for me and my soul . it really scared the crap out of me ! plus also lost my 2 very precious kids as well due that terrible mistsake i made back then but luckily i didn't . death is forever and you can never come back at all . once ur dead , ur dead !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! . i lost my 16 years old 5 months ago . he was killed by a train . was not his fault at all . it was a tragc accident . bet he wished he was still alive but he isn't and there is you wanting to kill yourself . life is very precious . you are just going thru a bad patch at the moment . killing yourself is not the answer . it only causes more problems for yourself . things does and will get better . don't do anything stupid . be strong
Posted 8/30/2006 4:39 AM (GMT 0)
HI

My thoughts on suicide can be summed up by saying this I have been down that road and it hurts like hell wanting to commit suicide to me means you have lost your coping mechanism. The pain and the hurt the depression what ever the case may be that you feel the pain outweighs the coping. I sometimes can't cry hard enough to make the pain go away or curl up in a small enough ball each and everyday I fight to cope no to live not to be happy but to cope
Posted 8/30/2006 11:54 AM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone, I think it is very clear that this topic has different meanings for everyone.  I don’t believe that any one person who chooses to take this course in their lives makes this decision lightly.  Depression is very individual for each and every one of us, meaning we are not going to have the exact same experiences and feelings.  Anyone who is having suicidal thoughts for whatever reason needs to get help from a mental health care professional immediately.  I don’t believe that this topic should be debated further here on this forum. Thank you
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