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Hi...I'm somewhat new here.

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Posted 9/18/2006 7:44 AM (GMT 0)
I guess I've been a member for a while, and have used the chat once or twice but this'll be my formal hello.

Back when I was in high school I saw both a Psychologist and a Psychiatrist for my depression. Turned out I was diagnosed with bi-polar, severe depression, anxiety disorder, etc. I took my meds (Wellbutrin) for a couple of years and eventually it dwindled to the point that I only took it when I was feeling depressed. After my first year in college, I stopped taking my meds thinking that I could turn myself around and control my problems myself. As it turned out, that didn't work so well.

Typically I've had my heaviest depression in the summer time, but it has been spilling over into the autumn and winters and I'm still a bit reluctant to see a doctor to get back on meds.

Now though, my insomnia (which has complemented my depression) has gotten so bad that I feel I should get back on meds. I should say that I'm still in college so it's been two years since I stopped taking my meds. I have spoken to my parents about counselling sessions and they shrug me off saying that I'm not depressed because I have nothing to be depressed about and whatnot and that I cannot go to a doctor. I am a Finance/PoliSci major with aspirations of entering politics so my father says I shouldn't because it'll be on my medical record and hurt me later on.

I've started alienating my friends and family again, and my mood swings are arguably at an all time high.

I guess my dilemma is that I don't want to go against my parents but I'm thinking that it would be best for me to get back on the meds. They of course don't understand this and didn't even while I was in high school. I'm also taking Flexeril for a pain in my neck (result from a torn ligament) that I've had for years and the pain gets worse (it seems at least) when I'm most depressed.

A common thing asked is if I have suicidal thoughts: All the time. BUT, I would never go through with that because of how my friends and family would think of me and the hurt I would cause them. I know there is help so the suicidal thoughts, though there, are kept at bay.

Such a nasty way to say hello at this forum, but I guess that's what this forum is for.

So hello to everyone.
Posted 9/18/2006 12:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Icarus,

Welcome to the forum!

Do you know how many successful people have suffered from depression (both unipolar and bipolar)? In fact, it's a very interesting fact that many famous artists, politicians, etc. have been bipolar, and many people see this as part of the key to their ability. The shame is not in being depressed, but it can be in letting it get out of control and swallow you.

If you're bipolar, it's not really a question of whether or not you or anyone else likes the idea of being on meds: the simple fact is that without them, the illness gets out of control -- sooner or later. It sounds like you and, more so, your parents could do with learning more about the illness and getting past the "stigma" factor. Bp is not something you can simply choose to ignore and it'll go away (neither is unipolar depression for that matter). A good book I read on the subject was Miklowitz's Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide -- I recommend it highly, and you can get it through the Resources/Books section on the right of this page.

Please don't take any risks with your health at this point: your parents are your parents and, even if there's short-term alienation from them, in the long run at least you won't be alienating everyone because of how bp goes -- and your parents will only understand once they educate themselves on this condition a bit more, which is what must happen now -- once they understand, I'm sure they will support you, but that understanding is for them to foster and ultimately should not affect your decision on you wellbeing.

By the way, did you know that there's a bipolar board on this site too? Do pop by there any time you like -- we'd love to meet you (and it's a nice bunch of folks there too!).

Rosie x
Posted 9/18/2006 1:15 PM (GMT 0)
cool  Esurvivor

nono  I never understood why people would stop taking the meds?

I have treatment resist depression so, no has to tell me how ugly it can be. There is hope out there. I spent 16 yrs. in darkness. I'm going contact HealingWell.com.  Than I will be back....

Posted 9/18/2006 5:56 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Rosie, there was a brief conflict when I had to decide which forum to post it under since I have both so I just picked one (no offense to either, I'll be posting in both). I think I will go to the campus health center today and get a consult. I haven't been to a doctor since Freshman year so I'm guessing I'll have to start all over again with the sessions and then getting diagnosed and then getting meds. You're absolutely right though and I appreciate your input.

Esurvivor, as I said, I stopped taking them because I felt that I could possibly do without them (for fear of getting hooked on the meds I guess really). It was a mistake but luckily it hasn't been too long to correct it.

Thanks for the help y'all!
Posted 9/18/2006 6:04 PM (GMT 0)
Hi icarus, I just wanted to take a moment to welcome you to healing well forum.  We are happy to have you.  I do hope you post often as there are many people here that are always willing to help and lend support.  Take care
Posted 9/18/2006 6:10 PM (GMT 0)

Esurvivor said...
cool  Esurvivor

nono  I never understood why people would stop taking the meds?

I have treatment resist depression so, no has to tell me how ugly it can be. There is hope out there. I spent 16 yrs. in darkness. I'm going contact HealingWell.com.  Than I will be back....

Hi ya Esurvivor, Welcome to healing well, we are happy to have you.  I can also agree with you that is difficult to see why someone would stop taking their meds....however, I have Major depression and have stopped my meds several times when I was doing well and didnt feel that I needed them any longer...which is exactly the same thought pattern in the Bipolar person.  They are stable on their meds and believe they no longer need the meds that they can handle their illness, which usually isnt the case at all.

The thought process between a person with Depression and Bipolar are worlds apart so we cant begin to understand their reasons why. 

I do hope you continue to post here often as I am looking forward to hearing more from you....take care

Posted 9/18/2006 11:03 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Icarus --

No offense taken at all -- just wanted to make sure that you knew about us over there. The great thing about this site is that you can post in as many forums as are applicable to you -- and keep bumping into lots of people who are doing the same!

Hope everything goes/went (pesky time zones!) well at the health centre. -- Do let us know how it goes!! -- And GOOD LUCK!

Rosie x
Posted 9/19/2006 1:17 AM (GMT 0)
Hello! Icarus, I go back and forth between post depending on what and how I'm at. Mostly stay with Asthma/allergy, been here depression and Gerd. If they had one on lower back pain I'd probably be there too. My parents keep asking me, how old I am because I shuffle between more doctors than them. It kinda hurts the way they say it sometimes. Anyway, goodluck to you, hope you can get on a medicine that works for you and let us know how your doing!!! scool We can pick our friends, just not our relatives. Be true to yourself and do whats good for you.
Good luck!!!
Posted 9/19/2006 6:02 AM (GMT 0)
Hey, just to update:

I went to the campus health center and had a consult with a psychologist. She was great and I did feel better afterwards. I will probably start going for therapy more often and also see a psychiatrist as well (also at the campus center). Hopefully I can work with the psychiatrist in finding a medication that fits for me (or go back to the one I was on because that did help as well).

Unfortunately, the relief I felt was fairly short lived. My depression came back in the evening time and it's pretty bad right now as well. I dunno what I need to do to get rid of it but hopefully the upcoming sessions (in the next few weeks) will help.

Thanks guys/gals for the support.
Posted 9/19/2006 11:20 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Icarus,

Really glad you found a good psychologist that you can relate to -- so important. Here's to the psychiatrist being a goodie too!!

Don't beat yourself up about sinking back again. Until you get on the right meds this is very likely to be the case, so just work on getting that process started. Things really will start to look up when that's in hand.

Rosie x
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