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Posted 11/11/2006 12:34 AM (GMT 0)
Hi all, I have been depressive my whole life, and thought it was under control of medicines.  My husband and I decided to finally try to have children.  It worked right away, I got pregnant, and now everything is falling apart.  I'm 4.5 months pregnant, and miserable.  I can barely make it to work every day (I often don't make it but end up sitting home crying, I have only 1 leave day left for this year and still have 6 work weeks left) and my husband just doesn't seem to care.  He claims he called my psychiatrist and left a message, he wants her to just up my dose.  But she never called back and it's been over a week now.  Not that she can do much, we already upped my dose of antidepressants to counteract the increased blood volume right now and she didn't want to go much higher.  And I really just want my husband to be understanding so that it won't be as bad.

The worst part though is the lack of support from my husband.  Anytime I am tired, he just retreats and ignores me.  I need his help, but he won't help.  I've handed him articles or books on pregnancy, and explained to him how tired I am and how hard this is on me to keep working, and taking night classes while being pregnant.  But he just ignores me.  When I lay crying begging for help, he just leaves me alone.  We've been married 4.5 years now, but I seriously wonder why he wanted us to have children.  He said he had come to grips with my depression, but I guess he hasn't.  I just don't know what to do anymore without his support.  It is just too hard.

 

Posted 11/11/2006 1:52 PM (GMT 0)
watyer,
I am going to go into the man's mind right about now (not saying it is the right way to think) He might be having a hard time with this because in his mind,he is thinking he did his job by getting you pregnant,and he can't understand why you are not happy. Men are very simple. They only see black and white. And trying to get any type of emotion out of most of them is like pulling teeth. Now,saying that. Him calling your phys and telling her you are having problems,is his way of reaching out to help you.
Quite frankly,you are never going to get the emotion out of him that you expect.
But,when you get to the hospital,and he see's his child born,that in itself will probably change him in more ways than one. My brother was the toughest,less emotional man I had ever met,until he saw his daughter being born,he came out of the delivery room and flew into my arms and broke. It changed him forever.
I guess what I am saying is,first watch for the little things he does...making you dinner,buying your favorite ice cream without being told. Remember they are not like women,and quite frankly could you really live with him if he became a sappy man,instead of a strong man that is trying to hold everything together and be tough? That is his way of keeping things sane. When baby is born,I bet he will step up to the plate and be the man of the house,making sure you have everything you and the baby needs.
Good luck ,and just remember,when your son or daughter is born,once you hold that baby in your arms and you realize they are part of you. Your life will never be the same.
Please keep us posted!
Posted 11/11/2006 2:15 PM (GMT 0)

Actually it's funny you say that, he actually is a sappy guy, and I'm more of a black and white thinker.  But that is one reason we get along so well, we aren't exactly the 'normal couple; (not that there is any normal :-) 

Unfortunately he doesn't do anything without being told though, which is one of the main problems.  But I think his thing is more that he gets so upset because I am upset, and so he can't handle the emotions and runs away from them.  I don't blame him, I just don't know how to get him to be more understanding of me.  I tried explaining to him that when I'm upset, I'm not mad at him, I'm just upset, but he gets angry/frustrated at me whenver I'm upset.  It's just very frustrating, because I know I'm not going to get much better after the kid comes out, and I worry that he'll just keep leaving more and more often.

I did want him to call my psychiatrist, but I think he lied to me and never did.  I doubt that she'd just not call back for over a week when notified that I'm having issues.  I should just call her I guess, but I don't think there's anything she can do unfortunately.  Oh well.  Thanks for the feedback though!!  At least I can vent on here when he walks out on me when I'm crying :-)  Makes me feel a little less alone at least.

Posted 11/11/2006 3:25 PM (GMT 0)
Hi watyer, Welcome to healing well.  I am very glad that you have found this forum as it is a great support system.  I do hope you keep coming back and posting it can help alot.  I dont have children so I cant relate a whole lot in that area.  I agree with Shy and what she was trying to explain...from your first post it sounds like your husband isnt connecting into what your emotional needs are right now.  Please do correct me if I am wrong in this.  It may be that he doesnt know what to do or how to help...I dont know. 

What I do know is if you are already seeing a psychiatrist and are on an antidepressant and your having increased depressive symptoms then you need to call your doctor.  Yes, it is nice to have a husband to take care of these things for us...but if you doubt he called then first thing Monday you call yourself.  Second, your psychiatrist can set up counseling for you and your husband which wouldnt be a bad idea since you feel that your having some communication issues.  This way hopefully your husband will better be able to understand how your feeling and be more caring during this time. 

Please do post and let us know how things progress.  Take care

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