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Posted 12/12/2006 4:31 AM (GMT 0)
And nothing to fill the void. Nothing is fun anymore...absolutely nothing. I can find no pleasure in the things that use to be amazing to me. I find myself going (or wanting to be going) to sleep way earlier in advance. I've heard sleep can be a sign of depression, for the fact that you cannot face your problems. It's getting unbearable to live like this anymore, and I don't know what to do.
A big problem I have is rejection. I have been rejected, in more ways than one, most of my life...mostly in the social area, despite the fact that I do have a good number of friends. I cannot get over the feeling that they may stop being my friends, which in the past has happened quite often. Make friends and they drift away, never to hear of them again. I've always had somewhat of a problem fitting in through my life, and no matter how much I try (nonchalantly, of course) to "fit in," it gets no where. I'm not talking about a "popular" crowd, by the way, I'm talking about any crowd. All I want is to mean something important to somebody. Is that really too hard to ask for? I don't see myself as a bad at all...and what I've heard I am not. I just don't understand it though.
I cannot begin to tell you how alone I feel right now, despite the fact I have people there for me; my parents (who are still together), my brother (who is by far my best friend), and all of my other friends.
I really am not sure how much more I can stand of this. I know I could ask my parents if I could go see somebody about this...they would not care at all and would be extremely supportive of this...but I can't seem to tell them.
I really don't know what I'm going to do.
Posted 12/12/2006 4:53 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Jon, Welcome to HealingWell. I'm so glad that you found us. We are here to support you. It sounds like you are depressed. Have you ever taken an anti-depressant? You could start out on the minimum dose and you might feel better in 2-3 weeks. Of course, meds are not the only answer. It sounds like you could use some therapy. Their is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and that is the place to open up about the things that you fear if you open up to others about they might reject you. You are sensitive and that is a wonderful quality. I am sensitive too and I have experienced a lot of pain and rejection in my life. Let's face it, life is difficult. You are very fortunate to have your family and friends. My advice to you is to not let this go on too long. Depression left untreated gets worse. You are reaching out here and that's a start. I'm sure others will be along to share their thoughts and experiences too. You are not alone. We are all on a journey to find more joy in our life. Take care and God bless.
Posted 12/13/2006 9:29 PM (GMT 0)
Hi JonT,

I am right there with you. It's wonderful that you are seeking help and recognizing issues. It sure is not good to wait.

I did and lost my job... point of near suicide....... hospitalized and released +1month. My dx is severe depression. I am tring to find me everyday. I no longer know who or what that person is........looking back I never have known. Like watching life go by without participating.

I am trying to take it one day at a time so that I wont get as overwhelmed.
Posted 12/14/2006 5:44 AM (GMT 0)
Hello JonT -

It sounds like you have a good support network, and the desire to change, which are two of the most important pieces to overcoming depression. hopefulmigrainer and levon have it right. Don't let this go on too long. It can be hard to suck it up and say "I can't do this alone", but it sounds like you are ready to get some help, and it is better sooner than later. Talk with your parents or not, but definitely seek out some professional help. Regardless of how you feel, you aren't alone in this, and there is hope.

I wish I had some words of wisdom about fitting in, but I don't think I've fit in since I was a teenager. I've moved around so much in my life that I'm one of those people who just drift away. I do know that when I make friends now, they are definitely genuine friends. I don't have a large circle of friends, but when someone is let into my circle, it is because they are person who accepts me. I used to think that no one could accept poor old depressed me, but I've been proven wrong several times.

Good luck, and know that there are people who understand what you are feeling.
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