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Posted 12/15/2006 10:47 AM (GMT 0)
As of right now it's just past 4:30 in the morning and I haven't been able to sleep. I'm worried about my grades this semester since I've spent the majority of it feeling alone and depressed, hiding in my room. Now I fear I could be dropped from my college. I don't know how I can tell my parents, since all they've expected of me is to do well in school and I've been putting up a facade for so long. I've sadly pushed most my friends away from hiding out and not participating in usual things. While I don't feel suicidal. I've been seeing my psych for over four years now and have been through three different kinds of meds (Zoloft, Prozac, and now Effexor). I know I should go to someone and open up, but I'm so afraid of letting my family and friends down. Do any of you feel like you're just causing pain for others but you can't figure out how to make it better? Cycling through this again and again is starting to wear out. It's like a terrified perfectionist, but lacking in the motivation to actually try and be perfect. Sometimes I feel I'm at the end of my rope. Honestly, I'm not sure why I even bothered to post, but I guess I'm just looking for some positive support from someone who hasn't seen me go through this time and time again. Some days I wish I wouldn't wake up from my dreams.

sad

Hi PiratePeach, I am sorry but I have had to edit your post due to forum rule #1 no discussion of any illicit drug usage and self injury.  We have many kids that post here and wont want them to be influenced by something that we would post here.  I do hope that you understand.  Thank you. Elisha

Post Edited By Moderator (els) : 12/15/2006 4:27:45 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/15/2006 11:48 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Pirate, Let me welcome you to healing well forum, we are happy to have you join us here and also glad that you reached out here on this forum.

I have had major depression, anxiety & panic disorder for many years and also suffered from this all through my college years.  I know it is difficult and I too felt the extreme pressure to be perfect and not living up to everyone's expectations.  I am 33 now and slowly working on getting my master's degree in psychology.  Even now I still feel the pressure with grades and wanting to give up when things get tough....but I know now what my triggers for depression are and work with my psychiatrist to counteract those.  I also do other things like meditation, exercise and yoga to help clear my mind and center my thoughts.  Sounds hokey I know but it really helps.  I too had pushed all my friends away and isolated myself and have a tendency to still do that when my depression gets bad.  I am your typical type A personality and everything has to be perfect...it is hard to live up to.

As for you, what I recommend is getting into your doctor ASAP.  Lack of sleep can worsen depression severely and it also is a sign of sliding into a depressive state.  If your now taking Effexor it could be possible that your dosage needs to be adjusted as your body has become used to the your current dose or maybe you need to be on another medication...I don’t know.  What I do know is that you need to communicate these things with your doctor and work with them to get better and stay that way.  Don’t wait until you’re so bad you want to harm yourself...I do hope that you talk to them regarding this.  Also, Please stay away from the substance that you discussed in your post, this is only going to worsen your depression not help it.  It works as a depressive in the body and is going to screw with your brain chemicals which is counteracting your medication I am sure...to a point. 

I understand this is a difficult time and you have so many pressures on you to succeed.  You can but, you have to take care of yourself inside...mind, body and spirit.  I hope you continue to post here you will get lots of positive support here; we are filled with wonderful people always willing to help.  Take care
Posted 12/15/2006 1:51 PM (GMT 0)
I felt so bad reading your post. I have neem where you are and you have to get help. You have to find a way to make things better. Don't give up on meds just because you haven't found the right one, just keep trying. Continue therapy and you really should find someone you are close with to open up to. I feel the same as you doabout burdening people with your depression at times. I am very lucky that everyone, with the exception of my husband (great right) is very understanding. They all know what to look out for and can tell me if i am acting differently, they are a great tool when trying to find a meciation because they can see what you can't sometimes. I really hope you will find something that helps you. I will be thinking of you. Good luck.
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