My life .....

At the age of 9 my life took a drastic turing, the happyness and security I once felt at home would be gone and my life would never be the same again.

I was sent to my room by my mum, a cupple of hours later my parents called my downstairs, my mum asked me who do u want to live with, I thought are u nuts I'm living with u. Then they told me they where getting divorced .... the next day my mum went away not knowing if she would come back I was left behind with my dad, 2 weeks later my mum came back and my dad had to move out and I only got to see him once every 2 weeks, being daddys little girl this killed me.

At school they all found out that my parents where divorced and starting teasing me, which made life harder. To cope with it all i started eating more I ened up weighing 90kg as a 12 year old.

At the age of 12 my mum met her current boyfriend, the moment I saw him I knew he wasn't good. He moved in with us after only 2 weeks. He talked bad about my dad all the time. At 13 I tried to kill myself by jumping, my mum caught me just in time though ....

By the time I was 13 I was moved to a diffrent school where I made lots of friends and I was happy there, we moved to a new house which was hard for me as I was leaving the house I once called home. Once we moved into the house it all got worse, my mums boyfriend started drinking more. When I was 15 I came back from a sleep over at a friends house only to find the front door totally smashed, I went inside and asked my mum what happend she said her boyfriend had beaten her up. I totally ignored him for the comming days as I was scared of him, one day it was raining and my bike was outside he told me to put it in the shed, I couldn't find my keys and tried to push past him when he then punshed me in t he face. I then moved to my dads he had just come out of a long relationship and was dipressed himself, I took care of him, did the washing, the cooking and went to school.

A few weeks before my 17th birthday I met my boyfriend it was one of the happiest times I have had in my life. Around that time my dad met his current wife through internet and he bought her over from the Ukraine. We lived all together in my dad's house, although she never did my washing or cooked for me she only did that for her son and my dad. One day my dad had gone out and she came to my room and told me it was time I moved in with my boyfriend I couldn't belive it. I rang my mum and she came to get me.

I lived for another year with my mum and her boyfriend, I was slowly dieing from inside, it was killing me I was scared of her boyfriend and everyday there would be a feight of some kind. at 18 I moved in with my boyfriend and his dad, his parents had just got divorced and since I was doing real bad they took me in.

I celebrated my 19th birthday there even my grandma from germany came as a suprise, I was really happy that day, until my mums boyfriend showed up already drunk, he was starting to irritate my guests. I had enough of it and walked to the hall he followed me and I tried to escape from him when he then tried to strangle me, my boyfriend and my dad then threw him out. My mum left him for some time she told me she had met someone else which I then found out was a lie. I confronted her with it and tod her I would not be there for her this time I didn't hear from her for 3 months. By this time me and my boyfriend had bought an appartment and where living together, thats when the depression started only I didn't know it was depression :(

Things went bad for me at work and over the next 3 years it all got worse. I am now 23 and the last few months have been a living hell for me, my depression has gotten worse, I know am waiting for treatment and taking anti-depressives. I have locked myself in from the outside world, have no friends left anymore. I now feel the need for friends but I have none left, and I dont have the spirit or strength to go outside and meet new ppl. I still sometimes have thoughts about taking my life, but when it comes to it I know I won't do it. I feel so lonely although i have lots of ppl around me that care I feel all alone, there are days that I am fine but days where I can't stop crying, I can go from happy to sad in under a minuut and the smallest thing can triger it. There are days when I dont even want to come out of my bed. I feel like I have lost everything and feel alone .....   I have even started to hear and see things, dont know if they are real though.

I'm glad to have my boyfriend he is always there for me, without him I don't think I would be around anymore ...

Natalie

Post Edited (FairLady) : 12/18/2006 7:13:52 AM (GMT-7)

Hello Natalie,

First of all let me welcome you to Healing Well - you will find great people with loads of helpful advice here.

I'm sorry you've had to go through such hard things in your life , and I'm glad that you are going to get treatment.

How long have you been on anti-depressants , and which ones are they. If you have been taking them for a while then you need to go back and talk with the person who gave you them and tell them that these aren't working for you. They will be able to give you something different as there are many different types. Unfortunately it's trial and error as something that works for one person might not for another.

When you say you hear things , is it voices telling you to do things or is it noises.

I hear snatches of voice and noise that sound real to me , they do not tell me to do things , they make me jump sometimes - these are the ones I assosiate with my Anxiety Disorder when I am under extreme stress , I have been reassured by a professional that it is normal. If on the other hand they are telling you what to do this is associated with schizophrenia.

What treatment will you be getting?

I'm sure other people will post with advice too.

I wish you well , take care ,

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