Hi Rainey,
Sheralyn is right, it's hard to see the depression lifting when you're right in the middle of it, but it's true, it can.
Eleven years ago i had a nervous breakdown, my depression came to a head and was at it's most severe. I like you couldn't see any point, i felt so much in pain mentally it was hard to breath some days. I remember my mum saying "we'll get you back to yourself", and me saying "what if this is me, what if this is as good as it's going to get?" I tried two suicide attempts back then which both times ended me in hospital. Sheryln is right, it's not the answer, it just adds to the problems. It doesn't solve anything.
Eleven years on you wouldn't guess i'm the same person. The depression hasn't completely gone, but it's so much more managable and mild now, and i do see light, lots of it, i see a future now. I have a lovely little boy, and a lovely partner, and a career i'm working towards and i've never felt happier. There is a future beyond depression, and no matter how dark it gets there is a way out of it. I'm walking proof of that! I can guarantee if you asked most of the people i knew back then if they thought i was going to get passed all that, they would have said no; i'm still astounding them when i occassionally bump into them now! They're always so shocked at how well i'm doing and how well i look compared to what i was like before.
It's hard to believe it, but it's true, there's always a future within reach worth fighting for, and i promise you it's so rewarding when you do get past the worst of it, and you start really living life.
Keep talking to doctors and counsellors, and friends. Whatever it is that helps, even a little. I used to write a lot when i was badly depressed, it just helped to get my thoughts down on paper. Is there anything you particularly have an interest in that you can get into, even just a little bit; like music, walking, reading, animals, photography etc....? I had a little black and white cat back then called Pompey (not my choice of name lol!!!!) but he was like my soulmate, he was so loving and cuddly. It's surprising how therapeutic that can be, i used to talk to him a lot. It's important to find something you get some enjoyment out of, and do it for yourself, somethig just for you.
Am thinking of you,
Best Wishes,
Sarah 