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Where Do You Turn When When You Find Yourself Alone?

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Posted 5/12/2007 3:36 AM (GMT 0)
I am having a hard time with understanding everything that is going on in my life. I have been a member here for several months and my life is usually up and down. I have battled everything from basic medical concerns with my depression and my VNS implant to the worst days of my life and wondering how I am going to get through another day.

I recently within a couple days heard from my doctor who has followed my most of my adult life. He takes care of the VNS implant and has come to be the only doctor I trust. This all changed recently and I am absolutely devasted. Now before I go on, you guys will write me back and say that I must learn to trust that all docs are not bad, I know, we have already gone that route, I guess I just want to vent right now. I am at a point in my life where the only thing that gets me through the day to day trials is my FAITH. Without that I would perish, I truly believe that. My Faith has always been a powerful influence in my life but has never led me like it does now. I have never experienced the level of trust in Faith as I have the last several years. It is this Faith that allows me to have great expectations for my life. However, I must swallow my pride and be a little embarrassed and say that that I am trying so hard to understand why my faith is so strong but my life is so bad.

I see signs from God that give me strength in believing that things will be ok. I have done so much wrong and in return have had so much wrong done to me that I beg for solence. I beg for the chance to be happy and live the life that I so rightly deserve but turned my back on so many times. I ask God to please lead me and allow me to make whole what I have lost, give me a chance that I dont deserve but want so dearly!!

There are so many important things in my life that without those I will never be whole. I know God knows this and it is my understanding that these things will be possible.

This I do know: I will not give up! I will pursue this recent health issue with strength. It is hard being alone and having noone to lend a shoulder when I need one. The many times I spend in tears, daily I will spend also in prayer more so than usual. I will be the person that I want to be, the person that has Faith in this VNS and I will eventually have it turned back on instead of having it taken out.

I want to be healthy and happy and trustworthy! I can be all these things. Alone and lonely I dont have any of these but I have faith that I will, I WILL!

Ok guys, Im a little better. Sorry so winded, Friday night and a little stressed, weekends are really bad for me. I miss my happy weekends. I have Faith they will be again.
Posted 5/12/2007 3:51 AM (GMT 0)
Teresa, don't forget: God helps those who help themselves. I am so happy that you find solace in your faith in God, but don't forget to have faith in people too - and yourself. Do you think God wants you to be miserable? I don't think so. It is up to you to reach out to other people and make your life into what you want it to be. Please don't be afraid. We're not all bad folks out in the world. Maybe we just don't know you. When was the last time you took a chance and just said, "Hello" to a stranger and smiled? It's work. It's hard work. But reaching out to others can be more rewarding than you may imagine. God Bless you.
Posted 5/12/2007 8:50 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Teresa...

Faith is a powerful thing..thru faith and a strong mind you can acheive many things - including the occasional miracle lol!

Have you got any goals in your life just now? They needn't be too long term..but it's good to have something to work towards and it stops us dwelling on our day to day problems.

You are a strong person Teresa..you have had a rough journey and survived! I believe you are ready for some good stuff to happen in your life..start envisaging positive things and you may well be suprised at what comes along

Take good care.

Maree
Posted 5/12/2007 2:10 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you guys for the nice words. I agree with all of what you are saying actually they are excellent words to live by! I guess my scenario is different than any other scenario. I know everyone thinks their situations are different but I will tell you that mine truly is! I do smile and acknowledge people on a daily basis. I have met some really nice people and have made momentary friends, some that are nice people. However, it is the companionship that I dont find that still allows me to be alone. By my choice. That is where my Faith in God, signs and myself come in.

I am going through an extremely lonely time right now but find that it is better to be alone than be with anyone that doesn't make you feel whole. I propose to have alone time instead of "killing" time with anyone that you can "pass" time with. In the past, I have done the "pass" time with others and it left me alone and unfullfilled. The things that tore me apart as a person, I wont touch again.

Yes there are good people out there but there are also wolves in sheeps clothing.

You guys are good people and I find solance here. I feel safe here.
Posted 5/18/2007 8:39 PM (GMT 0)
I am even more depressed! I just typed a whole page on what I was going through today and the phone rang and all that I wrote is gone!!!! I am so tired of things like this all my thoughts and feelings are gone in frickin cyberspace. I coud just scream. I got news today that has changed my outlook on how I see thing. I have done nothing but tried to do the right thing for seems like ever and today I just finally feel as if it will never be good enough. I actually questioned God today and why are my trials so bad. I am having a hard time with understanding what I am going through. I am so sick of it and just want it to stop. With it being the weekend, I am even more depressed. I hate the weekends, they are filled with filling empty time and putting on false faces. I hate it!

Please say a prayer for me as I am not sure what my life is going to bring. I am so hopeless and sad. I have a small bright light that is fading really quick. Once it goes out, it will be dark and I am so tired of darkness.

I just want to be happy just for a day that is it, why is it so hard. I am starting to think that people tha I love are better off without me! The songs that are becoming my life are surreal, maybe they were written for me.
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