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Confused and concerned husband looking for help

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Posted 5/31/2007 1:18 AM (GMT 0)
My wife is miserable.  She says its not my fault, but her pain makes me feel terrible.  She lost her job last year and has tried to keep busy selling houses, but she has yet to break into the business.  We have two children.  I work 80+ hours a week to pay bills.  She does not have too many friends she can confide in so she has turned to internet relationships that make me jealous.  We have split twice in 10 years, but rebuilt both times.  She feels that she is depressed and is ready to see a doctor, but has not yet made the attempt to get an appointment.  She says I am a terrible listener so she can't talk to me.  She wants me to stand back and watch her suffer without helping because " there is nothing [I] can do because [I] have no clue what [she's] going through."  It kills me to see her suffer.  I miss my wife, what can I expect, do.... I'm looking for any direction or advice
Posted 5/31/2007 3:43 AM (GMT 0)

Hi 105t

Wow how difficult for you.  Sounds like she doesn't know what to do herself and is aiming her anxiety and frustration on you, and hoping you will fix what she doesn't understand.

Just a suggestion, tell her that you have heard what she's been saying and how worried you are, and if she won't make the appointment soon, you will, and you will even go with her to the first one to see how you can help, and do it!

She may well argue against it, but I bet if you are prepared to make the effort and go with her, and if necessary make the appointment, deep down she will really appreciate it.

I think her excuses are just that, excuses, because if she really is depressed, she probably has little idea as to why, and that is soooooo scary - it's like - how can I talk to him, he won't understand, cos I don't understand.

Even if you take her but don't go in to the meeting, (play it by ear on her needs), just knowing you are there will be a big support I'm sure.

Best wishes - I only hope you can find a solution soon.

Deb

Posted 5/31/2007 11:27 AM (GMT 0)
105t
Welcome to the board I am very glad that you found us.

Going to the doctor the very first time is very scary. We worry that the doctor is going to think we are crazy..we worry that they are not going to help us,or not understand.
Once she is able to get over that major first step in healing,and they are helping her with meds or counseling she will be glad she did it.
We as depressed people seem to take it out on the ones we loves. I do not know why we do it,but we do.
We also do not enjoy things like we used too,I think it is because we feel so rotten inside all of the time that being happy is something we start to feel guilty about.

If she does not want to go to the doctor yet,then I suggest some counseling for yourself. You have a very hard job of being the hubby with a depressed wife,and I just hope you are able to stay strong.
Please keep us posted and good luck


Shy
Posted 5/31/2007 7:14 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all, I appreciate your advice.  It's nice to be able to talk with people that understand what we are going through. 

Posted 6/1/2007 4:23 PM (GMT 0)
devil  just wanted to say that my wife is in the same shape and has seen and continuing to see a doctor for depresion. she makes me feel like i should just leave. she doesnt show me any affection,doesnt want me to even hold her or anything.i know its not really her saying those things but its hard on me and all i can do not to leave. i love her with all my heart and if you do your wife just keep trying to understand her illness and be there for her.
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