Off Celexa Back to Reality

I know now that I have used antidepressants instead of dealing with my problems and unhappiness.  I've gone off and nothing has changed in my life.  I have settled for things just to keep peace and have taken the medicine to make things seem better.  I've been married for 10 years (not my first marriage and share no children).  When I met this man we shared so many things in common.  I loved exercise and was walking 31/2 mile a day, every day.  I was in such good shape.  We started roller blading together and got bikes.  When I met him I thought we were both financially equal.  He didn't seem to be looking for anything but I owned a house, made more money, had a new care, etc. etc.  I was on the rebound and he caught me off guard.  We married a short time after meeting, he moved into my house and things were happy for about two years.  Today I no longer own the house and all the proceeds have been blown away by him.  I now live in a mobile home, in a bad neighborhood on 3/4 acre of property.  He told me it would be temporary and I've been here three years.  Last Jan. I bought a piece of property, 1.5 acres with the intent to build a home.  I still have money, I make 4 times what he makes.  He is trying to get me to take all my money out of the bank and build a home which will be half his.  That's what happened with the property we own now.  I have three grown children and he has four.  I can tell he doesn't love me because of the way he treats me.  I no longer do anything I love to do because I have no one to do it with.  He won't go for walks with or roller blade or bike.  All he does is watch sports on tv and drink beer.  Going out with him is always to a restaurant to eat where they serve tap beer and I drive him home.  We have nothing in common anymore including a sex life.  I have worked so hard for the past two years because that is my life.  I don't know what to do because he told me he will take half of everything I have if I decide to leave.  I am 56 years old now and still attractive.  Most people think I'm in my 40's.  I feel paralyzed and destroyed.  If I hadn't taken the antidepressants I think I would have been forced to deal with this a long time ago. 

I also forgot to mention that he spends all his money flying off to see his grown children by himself.  On most weekends he plays in a band.  I don't like sitting in smoky bars so I chose to stay home.  I developed a bad habit of going to the casino when he's playing.  I have vowed never to do that again because I was wasting money.  I am so lonely even though I live with someone.  What can I do? 

Yes, I do feel that he is taking advantage of me and the thing that really bothers me is that he doen't even appreciate what I've done to improve his life.  I was so embarrassed by the junky car that he drove without air conditioning (in Florida) that I finally paid cash to buy him a really nice car.  My car has 124,000 miles and his has 42,000 miles.  After about a week he thanked me.  Now all he does is complain that it uses too much gas (25 mpg) and that he will fix up his junk car that is still sitting in the yard.  Last night I was looking to see if I could buy a house back in the neighborhood where I lived before him because I was so happy there.  I see that the value is up over 100,000 from what I sold it for. 

I can't talk to him.  He is on the defensive all the time.  He screams so loud all the neighbors can hear him.  He calls me fithly names and tells me I can leave but he won't.  The easiest thing for me would be to leave just to have some peace.  It's just so difficult giving up and letting him win.  No matter what happens I lose.  I feel so terrible just fighting with him all the time.  I start to think maybe it's me.  I feel grateful that I found this board because at least I feel like someone is listening.  Tomorrow I'll put on my suit, smile, and pretend everything is great all over again!  Thanks for listening and God Bless everyone who is suffering from depression.  May we all find peace through God.

Lucy