Hi there I am newly diagnosed with depression

Hi everyone,

I was diagnosed yesterday with having depression, funny thing about 2 years ago, I actually told a counsellor I felt depressed but nothing was ever done.

I am no stranger to HealingWell as I'm a moderator over on the Ulcerative Colitis (UC) board, but I am new to your forum so please treat me gently because I'm very new to this even though my name has been on the Depression forum previously.

For so long I have been of the impression that my decreased participation in the things I love doing, insomnia, bad moods, feeling low, decreased appetite and other symptoms were a result of UC or the meds I take on a daily basis, but yesterday I saw a new GP following a bout of vomiting, this GP was amazing, his first question was " I have just took a quick look through your notes and can see you have been having a bad time, now tell me how you feel".  That was new for me, I'm so used to doctors getting you out as quick as they can   The GP made an appointment with him for next Monday so we can be more thorough and work out a treatment plan.

Recently so many things have happened in my life which I feel have got on top of me, things like getting suspended at work, a family member being diagnosed with Bowel cancer (which sent me in a panic), death in my wifes family, learning I have damge to my heart and surrounding muscle and finally the pressure of constantly fighting to remain in my job with a chronic disease.  One of the things I told the GP was that I felt a little stressed and admitted that things did seem to be getting on top of me, when he actually told me he believed I was suffering with depression, in a sense it was a relief because immediately it made so much sense, although very hurtful, I actually told him I thought I was stronger than that, of course he informed me that depression was not a sign of weakness but I guess being a man I immediately instinctively jumped into a defensive mode

So that's me, although I do have a question or 2, what will next Monday bring, I have this scarey thought that they will wire my head up and send electric shocks through my brain in order to get my thoughts and motivation etc. back on track   I'm pretty sure that's just in the old films, but seriously how do they fix depression?  The GP mentioned counselling and medication but I already take 9 different types of meds per day, I rattle now if I jump up and down more pills is just not funny, I also have this strange thought that medication for depression would have the same effect that alcohol has, I don't know why I think that, what medication for depression prevent me from driving?

My wife is a very strong positive person, who said "you're not depressed why did you let him tell you you are" she then started going on one because she now feels like my employer who has access to my medical records, can use this as ammunition to get rid of me :-(  My wife and I don't actually communicate, we haven't for years, we argue the majority of the time, and she has said some very hurtful things to me in the past, especially since being diagnosed with UC, but hey that's just the way she is, she sees illness as a weakness which I gotta tell you has lead to some very fiery arguments even though I try to avoid arguing, I try to tell her I don't want to argue because of the additional stress it will have on my heart and UC, but you know how it is right?  How do you get someone to realise stress isn't good for anyone? 

My very last question is this, I always try to keep a smile on my face, admittedly a lot of the time, it's difficult to achieve this, but I believe positive mental thinking is very important in life, is someone suffering from depression always meant to look unhappy and down?  This slightly confuses me and as such is playing havoc with my mind because I'm trying to convince myself that my GP is wrong. 

Ok I apologise for the long thread

Take care.

Dave

Shy,

Thank you so much for your reply, my GP also asked if I had any suicidal thoughts, I was pleased to be able to say no, however, when I was first diagnosed with UC it was a different matter. Of course on diagnosis I was referred to the Armies equivalent to a counsellor The most difficult thing is to open up to an Army Officer, subsequently I dare say I didn't benefit too much.

Referring again back to when I initially saw a counseelor, my wife did actually wish to attend with me, but that is not allowed by the Army for whatever reason, and she was made to wait outside.

Thanks again for the feedback it is much needed right now.

Take care.

Dave

Hardspacecore,

Thank you so much for your words everything you have said makes so much sense, I even remembered whilst reading your reply that after I first saw a counsellor, I did get put on a drug called molipaxin, which was an an antidepressant, hey I forgot I was taking that one But I'm sure before that noone told me I was depressed at that time, is it usual therefore to get depressed, fixed and depressed again?

Well thanks again.

Take care.

Dave

I think depression, especially if it's clinical/chronic depression, can be very similar to our UC in that it will rear its ugly head from time to time, sometimes for only a week or two, sometimes for so long we can't even remember what it's like to be happy. Occaisionally it goes into hiding and right when we think we're past it, all of a sudden it comes up again seemingly out of nowhere like a hurricane happening in the middle of a beautiful summer day.

That's not to say I don't think anyone can completely get rid of depression, but that if you let it, it can be really easy to slip back into it, just like if we don't take our colitis meds we start to flare. I certainly hope I don't have to take anti depressants for the rest of my life, but I know right now that it's best and maybe in the frame of mind they give me I can learn coping mechanisms that are healthy to use when I'm off of them. I know if I do decide to stop taking them someday that perhaps I will be depressed again eventually, I guess that's just how life is and maybe we're more susceptible than others - I think it just means we're more sensitive and caring than most ;) Hehe.

I'm kind of rambeling right now, so I'll stop, but I'm glad I was able to help!

Hi Dave, I wanted to welcome you to the depression forum!  It is quite common for people who have serious medical issues to also have depression.  They often do go hand in hand.  It sounds as if you have been going though a lot of stress lately so, you add all that on top and it can push depressive symptoms to a higher level.

You mentioned in your first post having feelings of "decreased participation in the things I love doing, insomnia, bad moods, feeling low, decreased appetite" and thinking that perhaps your medications or UC was the cause for this.  These things you listed are classic depression symptoms.  Not to mention a stressful marriage.

I am sure that your doctor will slowly start you on an antidepressant, not just jump you up to a high dosage.  As with the driving they often caution you to not drive for the first few days so you know how you react to the med.  Some of them can cause dizziness and drowsiness at first.  Plus they dont really "fix" depression the antidepressants mainly just help lift the depression so that we can deal with our life issues.

Depression is really a medical illness since it is a chemical imbalance in the brain dealing with serotonin levels.  Antidepressants help to regulate and restore the serotonin that we lack.  You also asked about "having depression, getting fixed then getting depression again" well, normally this would be called recurrent depression or major depression which is always there just under the surface (not dx'g here   ).  Here is a link on it for you to check out if you like. http://www.psychologyinfo.com/depression/major.htm

Please do keep posting Dave and letting us know how your getting along.

Just to warn you, those books are not "easy reads". It's the type you read with a highlighter in hand. I had to also read "light" books on and off with them just to digest the information.

Hi Dave -

It sounds like you've already received a ton of great info. I just wanted to briefly touch upon one of your initial questions concerning "positive mental thinking". While I agree cultivating a positive outlook can be extremely beneficial, it's not always appropriate. I mean sometimes it's appropriate to be mad or sad or angry and I think by "putting on a happy face" all the time and ignoring important internal or external signals can be potentially harmful. To me it seems like it's more important to critically analyze what we're thinking and why to make sure (we as depressed individuals) are correctly interpreting that information and acting appropriately. Because, sometimes it is very appropriate to say exactly what we think (even if it's not particularly pleasant) and other times it isn't.

Thanks Lyn,

You know, just reading the replies and typing things out, is making so much difference as is being home from work :-( I'm sure you know about my constant battle at work, I keep wondering if enough is enough, I have been fighting to stay in the Army for 2.5 years now, the lack of sleep, night/morning pains and sweats just seems to have gotten too much, last night, is the first time I have really thought to myself that I'm so fed up with being in so much pain, hee hee, usually I have the ability to laugh it off, tell myself no pain no gain!

As for being signed off work, well I usually feel so guilty but right now I'm not it's like I'm recognising I really need this time off, for sure my unit are struggling for manpower and I feel bad about that, but I never asked to get ill.

I got an unexpected email just the other day from my ex platoon commander, he's just finished his time and is no longer in the Army, he told me that I should take care of myself more and that I owe the Company nothing, as I'm one of the nicest guy's in my Corps and always putting the job first, hey I can't begin to tell you how touched I was.

Regarding what Sadsong wrote, I think I maybe am overdoing putting on a smile on my face and giving people the impression I'm coping with things better than I am, but that's an Army thing, It's not right to show signs of weakness whatever the circumstances, just to get on with things is drilled into us from day 1 and it's a hard habit to break.

Oh well, I guess I've rambled on far too long thanks for being there.

Take care.

Dave