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Posted 6/20/2007 6:55 AM (GMT 0)

I have dealt with depression my whole life and it seems to come in cycles. Happening, about every 2-4 years or after any horrific events.  Anyway when I go through it and come out the other side, the after math of the depression is like a hurricane came through my life. As I rise out of the depression it’s like some inept idiot was in charge of my life and then I got to fix it. Well me and my family.

 

The cycle is getting old and the depression getting worse.  I have been in a bad depression for years now and then some major events i.e. loss of a job, evil ex-wife, etc brought it to a fix or die place. I always choose to fix it some how.  Been here before and it’s a very bitter sweet place to be.  I mean the depression is at bay at the present.  The feelings of pain and confusion are gone but I am left with a mess to clean up, AGAIN.

 

I got to get a job, fix relationships, get bills paid, get the house clean, pay more bills, etc

 


 

MY QUESTION

 

Anyone else go through this?

Posted 6/20/2007 11:44 AM (GMT 0)

Haapy

forgive the short reply ..I've only been up for 20 mins but

Oh yes, I know just what you mean. Especially in my 20s, I look back and it's 10 years of train wrecks! Have to pick up the pieces after you get your head together, and deal with all the you couldn't deal with during the depression.

But hey, you DID and you WILL clean up the mess as you put it. And remember you are capable of cleaning it up. You are a very strong person to recognize the cycle AND yet you still put it the effort to "fix" things. That is huge! You are not giving up, you are making the effort, and you deserve praise for that. clap clap! yeah

Posted 6/20/2007 11:46 AM (GMT 0)
Haapy
Oh yeah can I relate!! about 3 years ago I had to make a hard decision,my son is bipolar,my ex husband decided to move about 2 blocks from me,and did not stop harassing me. I had left him 4 years prior because he had decided early on in our marriage that I was his personal punching bag.
My son had become so violent that I was afraid for my daughter and myself. I met a great guy who lived 2 hrs away,I had lost my job and was down to my last penny. My daughter decided to move in with her dad,so I got my act together and made my son live with his dad. I basically cried myself to sleep every night for a year.
It took me 2 years to find a job,I felt like such a worm. My b/f was so great though and just kept telling me I would get on my feet. I finally did,but the healing process has been slow.
My kids are 17 and 20 now and are doing great. So I know my decision was the best one I could have made.
The reason I am telling you this is because you are going to get through it.
It is going to be hard. But as I always say,the ones with depression are probably the strongest people there are.
We have to go through so much everyday just to make it.
Now,Have you been to the doctor? I think that should be your first step here...you have to get you better in order to be able to give to someone else Ex job ect.


What is going on with the ex?

Shy
Posted 6/20/2007 1:55 PM (GMT 0)
sad  Welcome~

You stated that you have had depression on and off for quite some time.  Take solance in knowing that although that is terrible to you, there are some of us that deal with this demon on a daily basis and have for most of our lives. 

 

I am sad to hear that you are in a period of crisis and that you are frustrated with knowing that depression comes and goes in waves.  Unfortunately for me, depression is more like a tidal wave that doesnt even give me time to rebuilt. 

 

I am not sure what particular things other than what you wrote in your post are happening in your life.  I wonder though if you have been diagnosed with chronic depression or you have situational recurrent depression.  Mine is chronic, clinical recurrent and has been like a "cancer" eating at my body and soul since I was 21.  22 years later, the advancement of this "cancer" has not lessened but

I have found new ways of dealing with it.

The issues with your wife are not for any of us to really say.  There are so many dynamics when it comes to relationships and depression.  I offer you the chance to veiw a post on this forum that addresses to some degree relationships and depression.  There are many great topics relating to what you are experiencing with your spouse.  Maybe reading some of them may help you more than many of us just trying to give you advice for "your" situation.  In reading those post, maybe you will find something you can relate to or can give you inspiration for what you are going through.

Know that we all are dealing with depression in one way or another and yes it effects everyone in our lives.  All we can do is be healthy and never stop trying to keep it at bay.

God Bless 

Posted 6/20/2007 6:37 PM (GMT 0)

I have been dealing with my depression for 24 years and most likely all my life.  24 yrs ago I was diagnosed with chronic depression and placed on Prozac and was on and off the Prozac.   For most of that time I self medication and dealt with the depression only when it got so bad I had no choice. 

 

What’s happened recently is:

I have 4 years clean.  So, for the first time in my life I am feeling the depth of my depression.  Why I no longer self medicate is a mystery to me, I simply choose not to.

The Prozac stopped working and yes I have seen a doc recently and he has put me on Effexor.  It is starting to work. YAY

Got a divorce 4 years ago.  That is when this round of depression started.

My ex had zero tolerance for my depression when we were married. Now that we are no longer married she has less than zero tolerance for it.  Add that with the fact that she can be so cruel and mean that I can’t deal with her in any way.  So I choose not to deal with her and that pisses her off more.    

I got laid off my job and that was the straw,  I completely crumbled after that.

 

NOW, with the Effexor working, a job on the horizon and my family stepping and helping I can see the light of day. 2 weeks ago I could not even get out of bed or stop crying.  Today my ex is really not even a worry I actually feel sorry for her in some ways and she is the least of my worries. 

 

The after math of hurricane Depression that has been swirling in my life for years now has for the moment subsided and moved on. By the grace of God and all the courage of I can muster the rebuilding starts and with sunny days ahead that should not be so difficult. The fear, confusion and pain subsided with the storm and with them gone the world is mine to concur once again.  I must remember there can be a storm on the arising at any moment and I must become a better forecaster and aware of how to better batten down the hatches when these storms come in. 

 

I hope I have answered your questions and THANK YOU for your support it is much appreciated.  Writing about my depression helps me see thing so much clearer.

 

Ron

Posted 6/20/2007 7:42 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Ron,

I have had bouts of depression, though not nearly as severe as what you are describing. But I too look back and wonder how I got through some of the periods in my life. It's surreal to look back with a different perspective and vantage point (i.e., when you are out of it and feeling better about yourself) and really look at what was going on. It's almost like you can't relate to that person or the decisions they made...and we probably can't.

I also went through a divorce (5+ years ago) and it took its toll on me. Nothing else mattered but trying to save my marriage and family (two kids with her). Now that I'm on this side of things, it's disturbing to me to see some of the decisions I made and - yes - the aftermath that I had to clean up for years afterward that were directly related to those decisions. Whether or not we like to admit it, NOT making a decision is also MAKING A DECISION. It's simply a cop out and I'm finding that those enduring a depression tend to make a lot of cop out statements (i.e., "you're better off without me", "if I'm not able to be what you want me to be, why do you want to be with someone like me?", etc.). I think it's our brain avoiding the work and pain it takes to get through depressive periods in our lives. If we have made decisions that have created the bad scenarios we find ourselves in, it's much easier to run or hide under the covers than deal with it. It makes sense, but that's the rub - we have to either climb above it ourselves or get help in the way of meds and/or therapy and of course that is a crap shoot as far as getting the right therapist and meds.

It's tough, but I commend you for reaching out. You'll find a lot of support here (I know I have) and as you wrote above, talking about it with people who really do care and really have had similar experiences helps tremendously. You won't feel as isolated and/or crazy if you know that it's more common than you think. I've found that education and awareness helps as much as medication sometimes if you are willing to listen to it and embrace it and make it a part of your own recovery process.

Good luck and I'm sure we'll converse more!

Rick...
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