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It just seems like things are getting worse

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Posted 7/14/2007 1:15 PM (GMT 0)
I have had one thing after another .It seems like it`s never going to end.

I do not want to go out anymore i stay inside for weeks at a time .

Last weekend we went away for a couple of days .After my sons death i just couldn`t even talk to anyone i still haven`t said much to anyone all i seem to do is cry everytime i think about him and i just feel so awful with what has happened .

I just feel as though i`m living a lie nothing is real anymore .As the days pass it`s seems to be getting harder and harder .

Restless

Posted 7/14/2007 1:43 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Restless,

I cant imagine anything worse than losing a child and it must take a while to return to "normaility". I think it is perfectly normal for you to feel the way you do, even now. It hasn't been that long since your son died and you need to give yourself time to grieve properly. I think you are being very hard on yourself, expecting yourself to be superhuman when you are a mere mortal. Have you tried making yourself go out? Perhaps once a week to start with and then building yourself up slowly? It could be walking the dog or even just walking to the shop for a pint of milk. The healing process has to start somewhere but dont try and rush it. Grieve "properly" and allow yourself to move on properly. Im sure your son wouldnt have wanted you to put your life on hold just for him.

Have Strength

Darren

Posted 7/14/2007 6:36 PM (GMT 0)

Hi restless,  You have had so many things happen to you in your life...I am so sorry you have lost your son.  I cant imagine how hard that must be for you.  I have to agree with Darren that your son wouldnt of wanted you to feel this way.  I wonder if you have considered grief counseling?  There are even support groups for this and I think you would really be surprised at how healing it could be and knowing that others feel the exact way you do.  It would get you out of the house and maybe even make a few friends you could lean on.

Stay strong

Posted 7/15/2007 12:48 AM (GMT 0)
Thankyou Darren and Els a great part of me died with this boy he was the world to me but i hadn`t spoken to him in three years he left home and would not have any contact with us ,it has been a really hard time for me i was the one who stood by him as he struggled for life in those first few weeks and have always been there for my kids .I just feel as though i`m being punished for what has happened .Mike never knew the pain i was feeling especially the day he laef home it has remained with me and is now trippled .I `m not ready to talk to anyone atm i will see my psychologist at the end of next monthe when she is due to come out here again ,I never imagined life could be so cold and hard .
Restless
Posted 7/15/2007 1:23 AM (GMT 0)
sad  Restless~

I am so sorry for your loss and pain that you are going through.  I usually answer with I know what you are going through but not you, i cant imagine losing a child!  I am so very sorry. 

 

I know how bad my depression is without a life altering experience such as what you have gone though.  I makes my problems seem so small.

 

Just know that i as well as everyone else here care about you!

Hugs and prayers

Posted 7/15/2007 3:38 AM (GMT 0)
Im truly sorry for your loss
and i know there is really nothing i can say to comfort you or make your situation any better but just letting you know im here and am just another person out here that cares and would give you a hug if i could!
although this doesnt compare or make me any better at relating my mom did have 5 miscarriages, 2 at full term and i know that was extremely hard for her so i cant even imagine losing a son...
my prayers and thoughts are with you
-LG
Posted 7/15/2007 7:51 AM (GMT 0)
I just feel as though i have lost him for the second time .The first when he left home three years ago .but now know i will never get to see him again .When he left home three years ago i always lived in hope that he would return each day saying to myself that i was one more day closer to hugging him again .That i will never do again .I just have so many questions that will never be answered now .I will never know.
Restless
Posted 7/16/2007 3:02 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Restless,

I know exactly where your at and I feel so sad for you. There is nothing that I can say to make it better. People told me time would make it easier but time only numbs the pain, it is always in your heart.

The support group was a good idea if your ready. The one I know the most about is The Comapssionate Friends. I am posting their national web site and on that site there is a link to find local groups.

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/

I know you were a good Mother so please do not blame yourself for what has happened. We have such great hopes for our children but they are our dreams. Our children don't always have the same dreams.
Posted 7/16/2007 3:18 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you very much Kitt i have looked there but can`t find a local one in my area but will look on the web and see whats around here .
I don`t know how it will numb in time this is a great part of me i have lost it `s really hard to describe how i`m even feeling now .
HUGS .
Restless
Posted 7/16/2007 10:37 AM (GMT 0)
Restless
Please remember that we are all here for you as much as we can be.

Stay strong


Shy
Posted 7/16/2007 10:41 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Shy so many times i have tried to write emails to menbers who asked that i email them but i`m just lost for words and some i have manage to write have been returned i`m not sure what i`m doing wrong atm but will sort it out .
I really appreciate the support given by all in this site it has been of great comfort to me especially in these past few weeks .
Thankyou everyone so much .
Restless
Posted 7/16/2007 10:48 AM (GMT 0)
I understand that...the words will come when your mind and heart are ready.




Shy
Posted 7/16/2007 9:12 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Restless,

Dont worry about writing all these emails. You dont need any more pressure that you have already. When you are ready, the emails will write themselves. Until then, concentrate on getting yourself back on track.

Big British Hugs

Darren

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