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Posted 7/26/2007 6:49 PM (GMT 0)
I was with this guy for 3 months, and it was never even really serious although I wanted it to be so bad...he was emotionally unavailable and it finally ended a month ago...he treated me well about half the time and unfortunately i just keep remembering that half, and it physically aches...and sometimes all i want to do is scream & cry...still...after a month...my anti-anxiety meds arent helping enuf in this area.
help :(
Posted 7/26/2007 7:14 PM (GMT 0)
Hi again Jenni, I'm in exactly the same situation... I've been with a guy for only 4 months. He treats me well sometimes, but mostly like crap, but nonetheless I still want *him* to want to be serious with me, even thought he clearly doesn't have any intention of getting serious. I know it's not right to stay with him, and yet I'm hanging on for dear life b/c I'm so scared of the unknown. I had a belief that having someone (anyone!) in my life would somehow make me feel better, but we all know that no one can "save" us, from loneliness or otherwise.

It's so unbelievably hard - I really feel ya on this one. Everyone tells me I can do better, and you must believe that you can too.

I understand it's soooo hard to be alone and yet it's even worse to keep subjecting ourselves to someone who doesn't appreciate us, deserve us, realize what we have to offer. It's so demoralizing and it's too hard on your self-worth. You're obviously a caring person who deserves someone who can appreciate all that you have to offer. Don't forget that. I know it physically hurts/aches to no longer have that person in your life, but it's probably a blessing in disguise - you have to figure out what makes you happy, what you want in life, etc. without that negative influence (of him).

So try to do something today that you enjoy and that makes YOU happy, whether it's just getting out and enjoying the sunshine (hopefully it's sunny where you are) or reading a book in a park, etc. Don't isolate yourself. Remember that you are ALIVE and it's *your choice* to enjoy the day and enjoy your life.

Easier said than done, I know, because I've sat at home alone and cried many days away over loneliness, heartache and disappointment. It's so easy to fall into that pit of despair - I do this very well - but you must resist!

Don't let one bad relationship and one stupid guy ruin everything for you. Once you get happier with yourself, people will take notice and you will attract or meet a much better mate for you!!
Posted 7/26/2007 7:24 PM (GMT 0)
unfortunately this is the millionth time ive been hurt and rejected but this one seems to be the worst so far.

the first paragraph you wrote couldve been written by me a month ago. i was holding on for dear life and he could see that so he let go...i wanted him more than anything and i wouldve stayed with a man who treated me like crap and who didnt appreciate me at all...and that makes me feel sick.

i feel sad in so many ways, sad that i want someone like this, sad that i know we wouldve been great together if he just let it happen, and sad that he didnt.

i keep trying to "work on myself" and be happy like everyone says but it hasnt worked yet...im just so tired of being so alone.
Posted 7/26/2007 7:42 PM (GMT 0)
Many of us have been in the very same boat you are in right now. There is no easy cure to feel better about a breakup. I couldn't even listen to the radio at one point because I would just break down and cry hysterically. Here's what I do know, it really truly does get better day by day and before you know it, someone new will be turning your head. After that, the exboyfriend will become a distant memory.
Posted 7/26/2007 8:33 PM (GMT 0)
I agree, time is the only thing that heals this situation.

A lot of people have told me recently that my life is my "choice", so I should get out there and start living it. Much like we want people to appreciate us, we must start appreciating "life". It's a weird concept to grasp, esp. when you're depressed. Not sure about you, but I feel at the mercy of my depression most of the time - that I do NOT have a choice. But it really begins when you wake up in the morning. Choose to have a good day, choose to have positive thoughts, choose to be good to yourself, etc. It certainly doesn't come naturally, it takes a lot of practice, but it can have a significant impact on how the rest of your day goes. Believe me sweetie, I know how hard it is to be alone. It can feel absolutely terrifying. I think the worst thing for us depressed people is to feel that no one cares, no one loves us, no one knows we exist - it's so isolating, and we already feel isolated enough as it is!

So try to start the day off right, with positive thoughts, etc. You won't be alone forever, and you're definitely not alone here.
Posted 7/26/2007 10:20 PM (GMT 0)
Hello All,
I think people are just trying to help with their words and no one that knows how depression works thinks you can just shut down the pain of loss.
I feel it takes time to get over someone or to get out of a situation when your afraid there will never be anyone else. You are all worthy and not a single person deserves to be disrepected, not even under the name of love.
Yes you may have differences and spats but to be treated badly or abused is never right.
Warm hugs to each of you.
Posted 7/28/2007 12:30 AM (GMT 0)
sad  I agree that depression and love are one  of the hardest combinations there is.  I have loved at a level that I believe very few people experience, i know some of you will probably say that we all have but i truly know this because of things that have happened in this relationship, it is hard to explain but it is a love that you can never do without!!!

 

I can really relate with loving someone so much that it hurts to just be awake.  Everything around you is a reminder of what the two of you shared, music, places, smells or even the sound of a motorcycle going down the road.  I am in the midst of experiencing this and i refuse to give in too losing what i have with this person,  the relationship is complicated but there is still hope that getting healthy and fighting this depression every day will get back the person i miss so much.....ME!  yes me and then everything else will fall into place.

 

This man was and still is my hero that you read about in books and see in movies.  If there were ever a warrior to my depression it was this man.  They say time heals and mends hearts but i disagree.  When I am away from this man I think of him every day, four years later i still have butterflies when i hear his voice.

 

I guess the long and short of this is that I refuse to let depression or anything related to it destroy anymore of my life and if it means rebuilding, I would do anything.  I truly believe that when God puts someone in your life as I feel he has with this man, although life is awful to bear it will be so worth it!

 

I guess I cant really give any advice.  The only thing I do is hold on to my faith and be patient in rebuilding what we had.  I pray every day!!!

Posted 7/28/2007 1:28 AM (GMT 0)
Jenni

I got married at the young age of 16,thought he was my knight in shining armor. HA!
I stayed with him for 13 years,praying everyday that it would change. It never did.

What I am trying to tell you is this...I believe that you have got to go through a few heartbreaks to find the "one"
I am 37,and have been with who I think is the "one" now for 3 years. Believe me,it was a very long road getting here...but you learn from heartbreaks that is for sure.

Stay strong and keep your eyes open!!!

Shy
Posted 7/28/2007 12:52 PM (GMT 0)
I have been with my husband for 20 years now. We've been thru alot over the years. Sometimes, relationships are really hard work. If a love is strong, it can survive anything. My husband has been thru some pretty bad times with me, especially when I was hospitalized for my depression. This is what he said to me and I hear these words everytime I have a melt down. "There isn't anything that is so bad that we can't get thru it - together". If there is any such thing as a soul mate, I beleive he is mine. Sure, we have arguments and at times we may disagree, but I've always beleived if 2 people get along and agree all the time, then someone isn't thinking for themselves. Love is out there, you just have to let it find you. Don't ever mold yourself into something that you're not for someone else's happiness.
Posted 7/30/2007 12:56 AM (GMT 0)
Bionca, you and I are definitely on the same page. I never have quite trusted couples who say, "We've never had a fight." HA! Building a long-term relationship doesn't mean you never disagree or have an argument. You have to learn how to fight fairly. My husband and I actually divorced after nearly 10 years of marriage because we "never had a fight." Just walked away from each other and never resolved a darn thing because we "might" have a fight. Waaay too much avoidance. It took another 6 months to really start talking about why our marriage failed, and we did some serious work on our own selves. Next thing you know, we're remarried just like the divorce never happened. It isn't just "love" that makes a good, lasting relationship. You can't lose yourself in your partner's needs, and standing up for yourself doesn't mean you have to scream and shout and throw things either. Not always easy in the heat of the moment, but certainly doable.
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