Holiday Blues

  What's wrong with me?  I have a chance to go home and be with my family for Christmas, but I'm finding myself making up excuses not to go....as in "it costs too much" and "what will I do with the dog". 

I love my family and I haven't seen them in almost a year.  So why do I feel pressured to go home?  Before I moved out of my b/f's house, all I wanted to do is go home.

So why not now...especially for Christmas?

Controlled

I went through the very same thing. It was shortly after I finally figured out that my relationship was over,I was not happy with my life at all. I just did not feel that I could face my family. I think I was afraid that they would see right through my fake smiles and then I would break.

Could that be it with you? Are you feeling down and just thinking that you can not handle the questions about how your life is going?

Would your b/f be going with you? If not,I really think this is a great time for you to get away and be within your safety net.
Even though you are older now,and have moved out,a family is a safety net and most families will do anything they can for each other.

Please try to go,I think it will do you a lot of good.

Shy

Hi Controlled,

I just went through a similar thing when I was suppose to go home for Thanksgiving. I've been living on my own for the past 13 years, but when I go home I tend to work myself up into a nervous wreck and my folks revert back to treating me like I'm 16 again, I'm 33 now. For me, it seems to coincide with how I anticipate the events that will occur and I start to imagine all the ways things could go wrong or make me feel bad or how I was put down in the past by either my immediate family or extended family, to the point where I can't function anymore I make myself ill. I would suggest paying attention to your thoughts and feelings when you start geting anxious about going home and trying to identify any particular snapshots or phases that pop up. Hope it helps! :)

Hi Controlled,

It seems like eventhough it won't be particularly stressful for you to go home "my family has always enjoyed Christmas," the preparation to get ready for Christmas is stressful, especially the amount of money you feel you would need to spend to "make it right." I've often felt that way in the past, but I've finally come to the realization that I only have so much money to spend (I'm saving up to purchase my first home) and my family will love me no matter how much or little I spend on them. It truly is the thought that counts! :)

I also spent this Thanksgiving alone, but I really enjoyed myself! It was nice and quite, unlike it would be at my Grandparents house. Plus, I got to do what I wanted when I wanted rather than sit around and wait for everyone else. So, I went grocery shopping for just the essentials and picked up exactly what I was in the mood to eat (chicken panella with shrimp) and cleaned my apartment. It seemed that as soon as I changed the way I was thinking about the situation (stuck home alone without turkey) to one that had potential (I can eat whatever I like and then clean my bathroom so I can take a nice warm bubblebath) it had a wonderfully postive effect.

I understand where you're coming from Controlled, I've also wanted to just lie down and go to sleep. It seems like the perfect solution at the time, since you wouldn't have to deal with any of these difficulties, but unfortunately or fortunately (depending on how you see it) Rip Van Winkle is a fairy tale! :)

Things will work out. But, in the meantime, take care of yourself and keeping write. It helps to get it all out of your system!

Hi controlled

I feel the depression around Christmas myself. The stress of buying gifts when you don't have the money.
If it wasn't for my b/f helping me with the gifts they would not be getting anything. It took me a month to ask for help...he had already planned on it,but I did not assume it... I need to get a better paying job,and get back on my feet but we all know how that goes.

I am not sure why the plane tickets are so high right now...we usually go visit his parents in Florida a couple times a year and this year I doubt it will happen..it is crazy.

You know,I came to a conclusion awhile ago...although I don't always get to stick with it..BUT,
if something does not feel right,or if I am stressing about it beforehand then I am trying to not do it.

I have canceled out on plans with friends and family because it seems to always benefit them...and if I have to stress about it,then it is not worth it to me.
I am not saying do not go,just really think about it. If it is going to put you in a financial bind for a long time after....

Shy

Thats a really good idea Cary. For those of us who hate the holidays, its a perfect answer... and presumably you are paid for your services?!