How to help Hubby....

Hi there!  I have such a long story to tell, but I will try to keep it short.  Really what I want is to gain some understanding as to what he is going through and why he can't just stop.

We have been marrried for almost 21 years.  We both come from religous families, althoguh I had a time in my life where I went kind of wild.  I had partners before him.  This time in my life was brief (a semester at college) and was 25 years ago.  He has always known about it.  He has asked many questions about it over the course of our marriage--he wants to KNOW things.  But it has never been as bad as it has been over the last several months, since he has had some mystery health issues (actually now diagnosed) and slid into a depression.

He has been on percocet for many months; he has tried different depression/anxiety meds (we are still working on this).  He says that he cannot control his thoughts and the questions that come into his mind regarding this time in my life.  I feel almost like I am being mentally abused by his quesitons, his doubts. None of these relationships (actually a bunch of one-night-stands) ever meant squat to me and were not physically satisfying AT ALL.  Yet he has this unsatiable desire to know everything there is to know about this!  He says that it makes him crazy not to know!

Remember, it has come up before and we've had some very meaningful discussions about it.  But never, ever as intense as this! It's  EVERY night when I get home from work!  It's horrible!  Sometimes it lasts for hours.  He says that he can't stop the thoughts....he says he hates it too...he says he wants to stop, doesn't want to hurt me...

I want to help my husband in any way that I can to overcome these demons!  He has seen a counsellor--counsellor says "it happened before she met you it shouldn't matter, you need to get over it".  Well, no kidding Sherlock.....but how do we survive this?

I wonder if it's the meds screwing him up or what....

I wonder if I've made a mistake in allowing these discussion to happen at all....

I wonder how much longer I will keep my sanity through all this....

I wonder what my kids are thinking when they know that Mommy cries so much when she comes home...

I wonder...

thanks for listening

--t

eidited for typos

- T
Wow, yeah sometimes men seem to become obsessive over our past. I am not sure why that is..my b/f tells me he just won't think about what happened before him.
Women get that way too.

I think that your husbands disease is making him very insecure,and for some reason he can't get over that.
I suggest that you both seek marriage counseling. And if needed individual counseling also.

Until then,what I would do is just halt the conversations before it gets out of hand. If you have to tell him you are not going to talk about it any more and then go take a walk....sometimes when someone is told no so many times they finally give up.


Good Luck and please keep us posted.