Spouse of a diabetic and feeling frustrated....

For what it is worth based on what you have posted I agree with you that he is depressed but he is working the system for what ever reason.

I am curious. Does he suffer from diabetic nueropathy? If he does, and I imagine he does based on what you have told us so far, what if any medication is he on and how is it working for him?

The reason I bring this up is that there are a few anti-depressants that are often used successfully to treat the pain associated with diabetic nerve damage. Two that I know of are Cymbalta and Effexor. I know of these because I was on the former for years and am now of the latter for my nueropathy and I have had and am having really good results with those medications.

What I am thinking is that if he is on something like gabepentin, which often takes quite a few pills every day to manage the nueropathy you might be able to talk him and his doctor into trying one of the anti-depressants to treat that, which often takes far less pills for the same and possibly better results, and as a "side effect" get the benefit of being on an anti-depressant.

Finally I would like to welcome you to Healing Well. I also encourage you to start your own topics for discussion as you may get better results. This post is over 2 years old and while you are welcome to comment on it, many long term members may bypass it thinking there really is nothing new.

Luckily, my internist is also his and yes I do talk to him (the internist) about some of my husband's issues, but I'll make a more thorough list. The kids are divided on how to handle this. One daughter thinks he is a "Dead man walking" and thinks we should give him anything he wants to eat, let him do nothing and make him comfortable. The youngest kids (who actually lived at home when he was at his worst) tend to be more aggressive with him and will speak frankly with him about giving up, etc. He doesn't fight with them, but most of the time has a blank stare and ignores what they are saying. The eldest goes between being angry at him for the time he wasted in denial and feeling compassion for him for the part of the disease that is under no one's control. This son always speaks with respect, but he is having a tough time with it as well. I just get really upset thinking that my husband accepted a kidney that someone else probably died without and then he doesn't see the necessity to care for this remarkable, miraculous gift! I just don't get it. Maybe I'm the one who should get counseling....maybe my standards are too high. I know my husband thought initially that the kidney transplant would make things alot better and then when he developed leukemia from the rejection drugs, he kind of gave up. THAT would be alot to process emotionally/mentally. See, I vascillate as well!! Thanks for listening and thanks for the reply and suggestions. I'll address it again.