Some things I've learned about diabetes

I think I'm figuring this out. Ten years after my diagnosis I'm finally getting it. Diabetes isn't about control. With sugars being affected by everything from food intake, stress levels, exercise and whether or not the day ends in 'y' we can't really control anything. What we do is make choices. These choices have consequences. Some are bad, some are painful, some are healthy, some are selfish, some are a form of dicipline but they are all just choices.

Each day we choose to be as healthy as possible or not so much. I choose to check my sugar to see how my diet, meds, exercise and insulin are working. I choose to make foods that are high in veggies, medium in lean meats and low in carbs because I feel better when I do that. I choose to swim a few times a week when my housework and gardening isn't enough because I know I will stay active longer that way and hopefully help my circulation in my legs and feet so I get to keep them. I choose to keep a food diary when my sugars are out of whack and lo and behold!~ It's usually traced right back to my food intake! I choose to skip alcohol because it messes with my meds.

Sometimes during the day I choose wrongly. Sometimes I choose to eat 2 donuts at church on Sunday morning and end up sleeping the afternoon away in a carbo induced nap. Sometimes I choose to eat chocolate so I won't fight with my husband and end up fighting with him anyway. I choose to eat the whole bag of microwave popcorn because I start it and don't portion it into a bowl like I'm supposed to and I look down into the bag and suddenly it's empty, so I must have eaten it. I choose to buy things that are sweet and yummy to keep in the house 'for the grandkids', but I usually eat them, too. I choose to be too lazy to get up and take my bedtime meds when I've forgotten them.

And I choose to learn. I learn when I sign up for my HMO's diabetes classes for education and help thru the winter holidays. I learn when I visit my doctor's office and see patients with limbs amputated because of the complications of diabetic neuropathy and poor circulation. I learn when I purchase online food diaries that help me track my carbs, fats and proteins thru the day. I learn when I go to the eye doctor and realize that my sight changes are due to my diabetes and not keeping my blood sugars in line. I learn by obtaining copies of my lab results each time I visit the lab so I can keep track of my good or bad choices and how they affect my overall health. I learn by reading about ways to improve my knowledge of how diabetes impacts my emotional as well as physical health. And best of all, I learn by visiting this forum and seeing how others are making choices, both good and bad so I may make better ones in the future.

It took me a long time to realize that all along I still had diabetes. Through good choices, bad choices and denial, the only thing I could change was my choices. As soon as I did that I started taking positive steps to improve my self management of the disease. I subscribed to some diabetes magazines to keep up with the new medical stuff. I quit beating myself up for slip-ups, just started with good choices at the next meal or opportunity to exercise or relax. I became more forgiving of myself and saved my bad choices for a single day a month where I would just enjoy a great Chinese buffet and not be too good. (That is my downfall, especially fried dumplings!)

Now I look at the big picture and realize that I've choosen to be healthier than I ever would have if I hadn't gotten diabetes. And I've had a great impact on my children's health since they may be sharing my diagnosis some day... And I'm learning to care more about others because I share this disease with a lot of good people who are trying to cope just like me. Sorry to run on... just wanted to share.

Welcome back Jeannie.    Nice to see you posting again.  Your post on diabetes really rang my bell.  I saw myself in so much of what you have described.  Guess I have been beating myself up to much, when i fall off the wagon.  There is hope afterall, neeed to get back to making the right choices again.  Thanks for the help.  I printed it out as a reminder of what the stakes really are and how we need to make the right choices.  The consequences of not making the right choices are substantial and some what scary.  You certainly have hit the nail on the head.  As you said its CHOICES, CHOICES, CHOICES.  Thanks.

Wow, Jeannie, this post was just what I needed at this point. Thanks so much :)

DD,

I used to be a control freak and as I've gotten older I've learned that control is an illusion. We have little or no conscious control over how our body is going to handle our next carb load. We can measure, test, notate and discuss the amount, numbers and levels but that isn't control. We can eat more, less, more often, fast and starve but none of those things will change our body's ability to metabolize carbohydrates. My message is that we can choose to do our best. That's not a wrong message... That's all we can do!

One of the finest men I ever knew was a brittle diabetic. He had more dicipline than any five men I know. He was extremely careful of his diet and exercise. He felt it was his moral obligation to do the best he could to keep his numbers in line. And he was the one who taught me that control was not anything we had power over. This dear man was a Catholic priest. He knew how needed he was. He knew that there is a shortage of priests in this country and that he had to do the best he could to stay healthy. He still died of complications of diabetes at age 67.

I am not so afraid of dying that I will be frantic over my diabetes. I simply do the best I can. That's all anyone can do. And I refuse to tear myself up over making a bad choice because that only leads to depression for me... I can't take a militaristic view of this disease. It's not all or nothing. It's not a war. It's just little choices all day long for me. It's the background noise of my busy life but it's not the center of my existence. Ain't none of us gonna' get out of this world alive, anyway so I'm just trekkin' along.

I take a more gentle view of diabetes because I don't want people to get the idea that it's a life of rigid rules and the penalty for a mistake is DEATH! Knowledge of the pitfalls of this disease is a definite plus so continuing education is good for anyone who wants to have a quality of life. Even so, I am kinder to myself and others. If I choose badly on a busy day I don't berate myself I simply try harder the next day. When some diabetics are held to horrendously tight standards they give up. My job is not to be a drill sergeant whipping new diabetics into shape. I'm here to urge the stumblers to get up and try again. That's my style. You may feel otherwise and that's your style. That's what makes life interesting... the fact that we are all different.

Hey Jeannie,

You don't realise just how much I needed to hear right now what you said about picking up the stumblers.  Thanks for the support you knowingly and unknowingly give us all here, and thanks to everyone else here too. 

Claire x

LOLOLOLOL....you should see the cakes this lady bakes for a living!!  I don't know how she manages to come anywhere NEAR control!!  Geeeez...and I thought sugar free Jello pudding was great!! 

Glad I don't live anywhere NEAR jeannie's bakery!

 Warren

I'm bumping this for the newcomers who are stumbling and the old timers like me who have to face the Easter Candy!

To Jennie. I'll tell you a little secrect. There are only two things in life you have to do .You have to be born and you have to die. Everything else in between is a matter of choice. Remember doing nothing about something is a choice also I choose to struggle with diabetes. I choose to be pro-active. I choose to take control of the wheel and try to keep starring. and when I go over a bump get back on the proper road

Post Edited (steven k) : 4/23/2006 4:24:48 PM (GMT-6)

THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORDS, WISDOM BEYOND YEARS :)