I am discouraged -

Hi all,

I know we all go through this and I know my situation is "light" compared to many others ... but I'm still so discouraged. After being diagnosed in May 2005 I lived in terror for about four months ... dropped 15 lbs. and brought my A1C from 7.0 to 6.1 to 5.5. I was THRILLED. THRILLED!!! Then I got all caught up in school (I'm a teacher) and maintained alright. THEN I fell off the bandwagon. In the past year I've gained 10 lbs. back and my A1C is back at 6.00 (around Thanksgiving). I've been given eight weeks to "shape up" or go on medication. I have been STRUGGLING with self discipline but have been really GOOD since finding you all here (in addition to your motivating stories, I've been doing a lot more reading). But I still can't get my numbers to drop like I could in the beginning. I took my bs two hours after dinner and it was at 133!!!!!!! That is HIGH for me. This past weekend I've had a horrid cold and thinking I was a "good" diabetic I found some zinc/C lozenges (not Coldeze). Last night my bs was high for me and it was at 113 this morning (I usually am between 80 and 95). Puzzled I went off to work where it dawned on me that the blasted things must have had sugar in them. I checked when I got home from school and sure enough ... I was bummed and felt stupid, but was still encouraged because I've been SOOOOOOO good today. Then just a few hours later I burst into tears over my bs. Now I realize that what I THOUGHT was ok as a "treat" after dinner probably elevated my bs ... two of those sugar free Jello puddings. Sure enough ... they have no sugar but they DO have 15 carbs each. Thirty carbs like that (as opposed to whole grain) is TOO MUCH.

I'm scared and I'm overwhelmed. I have no support system where I live (long story). To be honest I am feeling very sorry for myself at the moment. I'm not even wishing to be "normal" anymore (that is an impossiblity so I don't allow myself to focus on that) ... but I DID think tight control was in my reach as was a long time without meds/complications.

Will someone please (lovingly) help me out tonight?

Thanks.

Ruth,
Your numbers are fine. You are doing well. Blood sugar readings are guidelines not taskmasters. The let us know where we have been so we can decide where we are going. Moderation is the key, and stress alone will drive your sugars up. Keep up your exercise, do some relaxing things like listening to calming music, play with your dog if you have one. (Animals lower blood pressure and stress levels.) Make some homemade soup with lots of veggies and sliced cabbage in place of noodles. It's filling and nutritious and gets those veggies into you!

For myself, I eat real chocolate instead of 'diet' puddings. Real chocolate has cocoa butter, a fat, which slows the carb absorption so it levels out the spike a bit. Real chocolate is actually discouraged as an 'emergency' sugar source when your blood sugar is low because it's so slow to absorb. So for me, it's a small piece of the real thing.

And as for the threat of having to go on meds... Ok, so what? Thank the good Lord above we have the excellent medications we have to help us in the treatment of our disease. My father-in-law didn't have metformin to help move the sugar into his cells, and eventually ended up nearly blind from his diabetes. The meds aren't so bad and even insulin is easier than learning to put on mascara for the first time. This is not a big problem. If you woke up with aching knees every day and the doctor said, "Take an advil before you get out of bed every morning," you wouldn't think a thing of it. You'd just figure it was arthritis. No big panic... Diabetes is like that now. The only people who get into trouble are the ones who ignore their doctors and ignore their bodies and then are totally shocked when everything goes "Pfffftttt!"

You aren't ignoring your physician. You are really trying and if after all your trying you still need meds, that's ok. Whatever it takes to get the numbers into the safety zone... That's the goal. Not whether or not you take meds or insulin. Just good numbers, ok? Be nice to yourself. You're doing the best you can. And there is no pass or fail. Just one day at a time, all things in moderation.

RUTH

maddogg heres ya...........angry and stubborn me....on freaking med...

want bad to attack enemy...... hurt it........... make it pay........ enemy in me.


madd attacks enemy by cutting its supplies......make it pay.....make it suffer...........make it die..

no more it gettin sweets and white carbs.......let it die......

no more it gettin slow movin quiet gentle person to reside in..........let it die

now plan to not give it anything it wants ever...ever...let it die

if it kills me..im gonna take it with me.....when i go........

madd