too much to handle

I have been diabetic for over 31 years and suffer from mild diabetic neuropathy in my feet. Two years ago my husband was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, he has severe diabetic neuropathy, lost a toe and part of the bone in his foot to osteomilitus. He gets these huge foot ulcers, can't feel his feet and now his hands are going numb, he falls alot because he has no balance due to neuropathy of the central nervous system. It is like he is dying piece by piece in front of me. I take care of him, but quite honestly it is getting to be too much. It scares me in the worst possible way. He is only 43. I need suggestions on ways to cope.

Is he on disability or anything like that?  Could you get someone to come in for a couple hours a day or week to help out?

This is a hard situation but you need to take care of yourself also or you will both be in need of help.

Take care of yourself and good luck.  Rhoda

Do you have any adult children, a close friend, or clergy that could possibly talk to him about taking care of himself? He may be suffering from depression about the situation along with the denial.

Does he always wear good shoes to protect his feet? Would he consider using a cane to help steady himself?

Is his diabetes in control now?

I have a good friend whose husband has been diabetic for 30 some years and he has finally taken control of his own health but it was a struggle there also. He too is having problems feeling his feet. He went through some counseling and now is like a new man. He does use a cane but he just laughs about it now.

Hang in there!! Take Care. Rhoda

Dear Mom,
My suggestions:
#1. Take care of you. If you don't do it, no one will.
#2. Join a local YMCA if possible. It's not very expensive and you can go there to do your exercise, (I swim the backstroke for about 30 minutes). I treat my Y visits as if they were trips to a mini spa. Long showers after my swim, time in the sauna, blow dry my hair without any interruptions.
#3. Check with your doctor about nutrition classes. These should be covered under your insurance. Both of you should attend so that both of you can learn together.

#4. I'd have a heart-to-heart with dear hubby if it were me. (I'm bold like that.) I'd say:

"Honey, this is it. This is the only life we get... no 'Do-Overs'. This is the hand we were dealt and we have to play it out. Now we can be miserable and unhappy and go thru each day like a thundercloud... or we can choose to find ways to enjoy the life we have.

We are still both going to have diabetes. We can go to the market together and try new vegetable ideas, take cooking classes offered by the local diabetes association or health department, do some exercises together, be loving and kind with each other...

Or we can wallow in self pity and anger, refusing to accept the reality that no matter what we do.. we... will... still... have... diabetes.

I am going to do the fun stuff. I will ride the electric carts offered at the store so I can finish my marketing without my feet hurting. I will go to the Y and swim in the early afternoon before the kids get out of school so I have the whole pool to myself... I will make the best of this life I have.... Do you want to join me? Or do you want to sit around and feel sorry for yourself? "

One of the definitions of Love is 'wanting what is best for the beloved'. This is why you can spank a child for running in the street. The spanking hurts but it is in the child's best interest to be afraid to go into the street. If you love your husband then you will want what is best for him. Telling him the truth is what is best for him. Telling him you will be there for him and support him is what is best for him. Telling him to keep trying and to keep choosing ways to show he loves you is what is best for him. Telling him to take each day as a precious gift and use it as best he can to make life as sweet as possible is what is best for him.

And if he won't travel this path with you then maybe you should start doing these things for yourself and make yourself happy. He will see your happiness and either join you or still choose to be miserable. Either way you win because you took care of you first. Don't be an enabler of his misery. Get on with life and keep going. It might just be the kick in the pants he needs to get his life in order.

And that's my 2¢...