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Posted 3/10/2005 12:20 AM (GMT 0)
I've been reading these for a couple days- would like to join.  I'm feeling very isolated & like a failure.  I've always been an over- achiever ( I've been told), one of those ' always felt less- than so have to do more to feel enough' things.  I've been diagnosed with non-epelitic seizures for 7 mo.s and the last month I've been having about 6/day. I'm a mom (5 yr. old), wife , and private music teacher.  I've been doing a very poor job at all of them.  I know when they're coming- nausea, thick tingling tounge and lips, and I'm 'out of it' for a while after.  I'm also bi-polar (at least 8 yr.), so all the Doc's send me to him (psychiatrist) and tell me that I'm not their problem.  Now I have 7 meds that make me useless- feel worthless.  ( Oh, yeah, I'm a recovering alcoholic- 8 years).  I don't know where to go ( my pshychoanalist doesn't take insurance).  We're going bankrupt, I'm self-employed, so I have no benefits,  my mother -in -law just passed away, and my son is acting out in school. (It's a private school- they don't like that too much.)  Yes, I'm feeling incredibly sorry for myself.  THEY say that it will get better, but it's not.  The thing is, I miss ME.  Even with the bi-polar and alcoholism history,  I loved my old life. I'm only 33!  I just can't deal with the seizures.  I can't stand being undependable.  I'm not working, which drives me crazy- I can't make plans, I can't even go to the Dollar Store :) one of my simple pleasures, because I even had a seizure at the allergy doctor the other day.  I could go on... I can make a long story longer :)   Thanks for letting me get this off my chest, and really, thank you for sharing your lives- I don't feel so alone.
Posted 3/10/2005 12:37 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Ms. Jen.
Welcome to the forum. Vent anytime! That is what we are here for. Epileptic seizures or non epileptic seizure, they are still so tough on the body and mind. I hope you can get some good medical treatment in the future. It stinks not being able to go out. Hope to hear from you soon & take care, Tracy
Posted 3/10/2005 3:05 AM (GMT 0)
Ms Jen -  Welcome to the only place that I feel I can come and vent without anyone passing any judgement, the only place where people understand how I feel, and the only place where people truly care without ever having met you. 

I'm pretty new here also.  I'm kind of in the same boat - no insurance, lots of debt, due to past medical bills.  I also am newly diagnosed as bi-polar.

I feel for you darling...you've got a lot to deal with right now.  I just want you to know that you've just found a whole bunch of friends who truly want to see you feel good.  Even when you want to let everything out, no one else in the world understands, everything is at its darkest moment...Come here!!!!!!!

We'll be here! :-)

Posted 3/10/2005 3:08 AM (GMT 0)
Welcome aboard! I'm sorry to hear all your issues, just remember, we're all here for a reason- because we have seizures and want some support or have some support to give others. Feel free to vent and ask questions! Just feel welcome here, it's awesome to know there's somewhere to go after a really crappy day. Hope things turn for the better soon for you!
~Jessica
Posted 3/11/2005 10:08 PM (GMT 0)

Jen-

I, too, am fairly new to the forum and have found new friends here.    True,  I will probably never meet anyone that I communicate with here, but I know everyone understands what I'm going thru.  So often the people here make me laugh, which is so good for me, and when I need that pick me up, I know where to look...You've definitely felt the pressure all around you.  You're NOT worthless.  You're NOT a failure. You're OVERwhelmed.  Anyone would feel like that!

Welcome, Welcome, Welcome!!! :-)           Glenda

Posted 3/13/2005 1:02 AM (GMT 0)
HI ms Jen, so sorry you have so much to deal with right now!! I hope that you take comfort in the others here with similar circumstances.


I would also mention, if you can find ANY way to get a second opinion, do it. Non epileptic seizures are sometimes misdiagnosed and can be epileptic.

Have you looked into SSI to at least get some medical coverage? Many Psychs will work on a sliding scale that might be affordable.........


Hang in there. COme here often! We will always listen!
Posted 3/13/2005 1:07 AM (GMT 0)
Hi
Thanks so much you guys. Doc's not sure about them being non- epileptic (since I had one in his office) have to go to epileptic clinic/ center. Out of work for 5 more weeks. Just got a registered letter today- my private music teaching job and band terminated. I have Doc notes for every day missed( there's alot)- but it's a private school, so they can do whatever they want- I guess. Can you be fired for being sick? My poor students- I've been there for 6 years- I even start kindergarden kids on little violins. My 5th to 8th graders play highschool music. I took the Band from 7 to 60. How can the (new) principal just terminate the whole program? I feel so screwed. Holy seizure day. I average about 6 everyday ( for almost a month). I hate it. And as soon as I think it's over, they just keep coming -in waves-for about an hour. I'm so tired. Please keep writing.
Posted 3/13/2005 6:40 AM (GMT 0)
Jen-

Sounds like you're dealing with a LOT of work issues.  Technically, a person can't be terminated just for being ill, but in real life if an employer really wanted to fire someone, they would do so, if they could show that there was any incompetence/lying/stealing on the job.  An employer can fire an employee for a variety of reasons, but you can't be terminated if you missed work because of your illness.  If you feel you've been treated unfairly, make sure you document everything and be cool-headed if you have to talk to them about why you were terminated.  Employers that don't play by the rules will eventually have to answer for their actions.    

Make sure you are getting enough rest and eating properly!  There's nothing worse than feeling lousy with physical and emotional fatigue.  Stay strong.  Hang in there....  Don't give up....  There WILL BE better days to come.  :-)              Glenda 

Posted 4/2/2005 11:32 AM (GMT 0)
I know how you feel. I was diagnosed when I was younger but for some reason it decided to come back full force in the past 8 mths.
I feel the same as you. I cant get on a med that will regulate me and make me feel alive again. I am constantly feeling like crap. I'm tired, irratable, and that list can go on. I cant work because I dont trust myself enough to hold down a job. I cant concentrate on anything long enough to make it work.
My husband has been super supportive and if it wasnt for him I dont know where I would be.
All I can say to you is good luck in this "quest". Its going to be hard but that is why I found this. I need someone else to talk to. Someone else to vent to every now and then.
So vent away. That is what we're here for. :)
Posted 4/13/2005 11:42 AM (GMT 0)
 

Hi Jen,

I think that when we all of us read your post, we understand what you are going through. I have been dealing with this for 11 years. I am 31. My husband and I have three children and we both work full time jobs. Epilepsy is difficult to live with. I know it affects my whole family because my mood swings are horrible. I feel like a horrible parent and wife at times. It is like I deal with PMS everyday. Hang in there. Your family is the most important thing. That is what I tell myself everyday. I have to try to put my personal problems aside. Hopefully your doctor's can control the seizures with proper meds. Talk to them and don't take no for an answer. Sometimes they seem to not fully understand the aggravation that we go through.

Vent anytime. Hey that is what we are all here for.

Take Care,

tongue  

Nikki
Baton Rouge, LA

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