ranting... ive had a long day.

so for the past 2 months i have been seizure free.. that was until 9 am this morning. i woke up on the kitchen floor with my sister and brother standing over me. i had hit my head pretty hard on the counter and was really confused. so, no big deal.. life goes on right? well, later in the day i was with my friend at the store when i had ANOTHER seizure. total count so far today is 5. my sister is going to sleep on the couch in my room tonight.. hopefully thats the end of it.

MandiAnn said...
Hey Kenny - Checkin in cause you haven't responded yet.  Hope you're well hun.

hey! sorry it took me so long to respond. i havent gotten on the computer in about a week.

so as far as how im doing... since the last post i was having several tonic clonic, and complex partials in one day. too many to deal with. but, since then i havent been doing much better. thankfully though not as many tonic clonics.. i have to register for my classes on monday but, i dont know if ill be able to take classes this semester if i cant go to them. my moms trying to get an appointment with my neuro its so hard to get ahold of him.

last night was the first night that i was able to go out with my friends without any problems. i feel like im trapped in a prison, ive been extremely irritable with my family. i have two younger sisters and a younger brother that have gone out of their way for me and all ive done is treat them like crap. so as you can tell im depressed and i feel guilty. i need people to talk to.

i was reading someones message on here, but i dont remember whos it was or what the subject was but i do remember something that they wrote. that they dont want to be alone, but they dont want people to watch them go through it. well, i feel the same way, completely. see, both my parents work full time, my brother whos 14 goes to boarding school 10 our of the 12 months of the year, my sister who is 17 works full time, and goes to school, then theres my other sister who is 20 works part time and goes to school shes also the one who ends up "caring" for me. which really sucks because shes only 20... she has a life to live of her own, i feel like im holding her back. i know i should tell her how i feel, but i dont want to make it awkward, not that it isnt already.. haha.. god i sound so lame right now. i dont know.. maybe im over reacting.

LOL And I thought you were commenting on something I wrote before, Kenny. Apparently, we all feel the same way.

Hugs to all.

c&c

Kenny,

I'm glad your sister responded that way, that must really help.

On the dating issue - you made me smile.

I just ended a relationship with a guy who wanted to prove to me the seizures were in my head by switching my meds to sugar pills (like I wouldn't notice that the medication I've been taking for two years just happened to look a little different). Breaking up was devastating at first, as it always is, but earlier this week I found a button with a saying on it that fit perfectly.  "It is better to have loved and lost than to be with a psycho forever".

I hang out with friends when I can, and have had the same response as you; most just want to be friends, and some just plain run for the hills.  Mandi's right on the ball, as always you don't need to be with a girl who doesn't accept all of you.  Right now I'm back to dating again, and at the end of our first date, I started getting the shakes.  Josh asked what was wrong and I told him.  His first response was asking what he could do to help, and even though it was mortifying, he stayed there with me, and kept talking to me afterwards, as if nothing were out of the ordinary.  Amazingly enough, he even called the next day, and we've been hanging out with friends and going on dates for the past three weeks.

Don't give up, okay?  My brother was single for almost three years, waiting for the right girl.  Now's he's dating this incredible woman, and I love seeing them both happy.  There's someone out there.  Just be comfortable with yourself, be who you are, and when you're no longer searching for love, it'll be there waiting.

Kenny,
You don't sound horrible, you sound honest. Ending a relationship that's unhealthy is never a bad thing. STAYING in a relationship that's unhealthy, now that's bad. :)
That's awesome about signing up for classes. I'm going tomorrow to see what classes I can take at the local college for the winter semester. I might do what you decided, with the internet courses. Let me know how you like them. What are you studying?