Do you guys have these symptoms?

Hi, I'm not big on these forum things but i need a little help.
I started having seizures 4 years ago at the age of 25 they came like a swarm of bees all the sudden 3 or 4 per week. I guess they call them tonic clonic seizures. Anyway I had them no matter what I was taking for 6 months. First the docs scared me saying I had a calcified deposit or something then we waited forever for an MRI where no tumors were detected the next step was an EEG. Which I didn't go to. I decided, like a royal ignorant jack *ss that I was bigger then this panicky illness and it would go away. Funny thing is they sort of did. For the next 4 years I had only 3 big seizures, a ton of mini's and a couple of drop and pass outs for now reason, but otherwise cool. After the onset of another seizure swarm this September. This one far more aggressive then 4 years ago you better believe I'll be making this appointment. Here's my questions though. I read about people having grandmal's and it all sounds so horrific and my symptoms feel different. I'm scared they won't find anything and that in fact what is wrong is that I have a multiple personality disorder that has panic attacks and hyperventilates till she passes out that is the only thing that would justify these seizures to me. So getting on with it. do you guys have this? Is it emotional or physical?
Heres my seizures.
notice my right arm shaking
start to space
smell burning smell
try to ignore it (eh it's nothing, just too much coffee)
eyes begin to loose focus
GO LAY DOWN!!!!!
eyelids flutter eyes rolling
want to stop feel like i could if i tried hard enough
arm shake turns into head shake which rolls down other arm into stomach through legs that tense up roller coaster drops in gut jaw clenches here my body vibrating on whatever it's smacking into. If I'm with people I hear them say things like "she can't hear you" I wish I could say "yes I can shut up" but I can't. I can't do anything except lay there and jerk and shake trapped in my skin.
I feel people rubbing me and saying it's okay I am too tired to move even though I feel like I will puke but I have to just lay still for a moment. I lay there here myself snoring and I listen to them. "god darn it she had another seizure" I am trapped by my still twitching muscles that won't move, and these words and needs I can't respond to. I have just realized that I do loose chunks of time during these episodes even though to me it seems like one fluid event that's whats got me confused. Is this common are these glorified anxiety attacks or real seizures. I think I'm still in severe denial.

CZ1,

Some of these seem like classic seizure symptoms; the loss of focus, the spacing out and of course, everyone's favourite, the shaking. Not had the smell of burning myself, but a strong smell or taste is supposed to be a common one too. I also know the feeling that you could stop it if you just try hard enough. Occasionally it seems I have been able to; which leads to the accusation that I could get rid of the rest if I was just strong-minded enough. But of course that's rubbish. It's only ever extremely weak partial simples I'm ever able to 'think away'. I've got to lie back and enjoy the rest.

Just because you've not had a classic grand mal (and they are foul, by the way) doesn't mean anything. Epilepsy comes in a lot of shapes and sizes and some people have never passed out at all. Of course, you do need to grit your teeth and submit to the tests to know for sure. I fully understand you not going to your first EEG. I was passing out for nearly a year before I made an appointment with a doctor. Somtimes a fear of the answer can be stronger than the problem. It's still an idea to go back though. However strong we are we sometimes need help, and the right drugs can help a lot.

From your post, it seems you'd consider it to be your fault if the problem is 'just' panic attacks. People aren't to blame for panic attacks any more than epilepsy, and they certainly aren't necessarily a sign of multiple personality disorder. I'm not even sure they're purely an emotional thing, though am on rather uncertain ground here. But I do know panic attacks aren't a sign of weakness or frailty. They're just a rather nasty condition which nobody should be ashamed of. If I misread your post, please ignore this rather patronising last paragraph.

Take care,

Andrew

just wanted to say thanks for all the responses. I have felt so helpless and they came on so fast and I think the only way to deal with getting this sick is to somehow say is it my fault for me. I went from a very high functioning person to now a person home bound having 10-20 seizures per day as per the doc. Lately it is 1 or 2 big huge wipe you out go to bed kind every day I realized Ive been in bed or in the hospital for almost a month without even realizing it. My speech is weird, I see spots all the time, and sometimes I'm so tired I can't even move my limbs. I've accepted that these are not panic attacks and even if they were Andrew you are right no judgment. I just have always come from the hippie school of spiritual thought that you create your own illness for different spiritual benefits. Yes I'm having seizures. Yes I'm on a horrid amount of medicine, and yes Carla I am going to my EEG. They say I'm a strange case cause I get so many different kinds of seizures and working into a big tonic clonic is usually following lots of smaller ones all in a row which is why I feel aware. But I have now tracked that I do loose at least 5 minutes during or after every seizure of course I wouldn't be able to tell you guys that. It's not like when you go to sleep you notify yourself 'I'm going to sleep now. What time is it'. You just fall asleep.

Hi,
I have been having seizures on and off since I was 2 years old and I am still in denial! Are you on medication?
There are a lot of different types of seizures. I have grand mal seizures and sometimes I might not come out of it for a few hours. You should really get some test done, like school house rock says "Knowledge is Power".
There is a lot of information out there. I grew up in a time when the drugs were experimental, they'd give you anything and see if it worked cause there was no other way. We have amazing doctors now who know a lot about the brain its not as taboo as it used to be. I don't know where you live but check in your area for referrals cause there are more old school thinkers out there then new but there are new ones which is good.
As for the thoughts you are having regarding your epilepsy and schizophrenia, I would get the test done first before you start jumping to conclusions. The brain is complicated and tricky and for some people like myself we live pretty average lives being able to hide our disorder from the world yet when a seizure occurs, the lines of electricity are crossed so its like being shocked and it could happen suddenly or over a period of time so your laps of memory could mean that you were starting to have your seizure earlier then when your motor skills kick in, I think its a pretty normal reaction.
This is the first time that I have written about my epilepsy, I don't even write about it in my journals its a soft matter for me but just know that its really no big deal but for your safety you need to be equipped. I am able to drive I've been taking Mebaral for over 30's years its not the best because its a Barbiturate. There are many other drugs out there much better with less side effects.
Good luck to you.
Ciao

Losing bladder control is a possibility with grand mal seizures as is loss of rectal control. Basically a grand mal seizure causes a loss of muscle control (Usually with the exception of cardiac muscle) which can cause incontinence