I have known for years that I had a seizure disorder. It was a minor nuisance at most, twitching in my sleep with the occassional tonic clonic. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in October 2005 and within a few weeks of that I had my first complex partial with hallucinations. My boyfriend feared that it was latent schizophrenia or early onset of Alzheimer's. The hallucinations were auditory and visual and I could not tell what was real and what was psychosis, yet I knew that I was having an episode that I was convinced would land me in the psych ward forever. This spell lasted 1.5 days on and off. In June, I began a 2 week bout of insomnia, sleeping at most for 20 minutes at a time. The seizures happened at least 5 or 6 times nightly that I can account for. Then the psychosis came on with the non stop seizures. My boyfriend took me to the ER and they sent me to the psych unit. They never questioned me about
my history of seizure disorder nor did they investigate about
epilepsy etc though my intake forms list epilepsy in my family, the primary cause of my father's brother's death, and uncontrolled grand mals as the secondary cause of my mother's death. Finally, I put 2 and 2 together when my boyfriend started freaking when I seized in my sleep saying I was going nuts again and that he was losing me. The psychiatrists with all of their brilliance never thought to order an MRI or an EEG while I was in patient for this. Through research, I learned that I had complex partial seizures, partial seizures, and a few tonic clonics with accompanying psychosis. My internist gave me Keppra per my request after doing online research and added Zonegran later, also my choice. Finally, Medicaid took my application enabling me to see a neuro. I have partial epilepsy with impairment. I cannot drive legally which puts a big monkey wrench in my plan to find a job with benefits. SSI rejected my claim. Social Services will not provide training for a home based career nor will they assist with transportation to a job should I find one. I am new to the area I reside in and have no outside contacts or friends. A car is a necessity to get around here so there goes any grand idea of going to a library or school. I sit and stare at my 4 walls with 2 cats for company. My boyfriend has to work lots of double shifts to pay our bills as I am unemployed with no prospects. We spend about
2 hrs together all week. This is day 298 of my being house bound. I am desperatley unhappy and do not see a realistic way to get out of this cycle. I do not want to go on this way as I have always been productive and independent. I have no desire for this pathetic life that I lead and my heart breaks more each day. I have grown bitter angry and emotionally unstable. I don't know what to do and don't give myself much of a life expectancy if this situation doesn't change. I want to take a coding class so that I could work from home credentialed as a certified medical coder as I have worked in the medical administrative field for years. I am ineligible for any more student loans, we are barely meeting our expenses so saving 5 grand for the class is unrealistic. Though I have Medicaid, I am not eligible for any assistance for job skill through the state. I hate waking up in the morning and feel more and more grim each day. I have no hope, optimism, etc for the future. I give up. What little bit of happiness I had in life has long since gone with this epilepsy. Working, driving, having health insurance and spending money are out of my reach. I haven't taken my meds in days and just dont care.