In so much pain

I had already brought up the bursitis thing on another post asking if anyone else gets this with fibro.  Things have changed so fast and its gotten so much worse today.  My shoulder was hurting front and back but today it started spreading and the pain went on to cover my whole right shoulder blade and down my arm to my elbow.  I had to go over to my moms so I had her rub me down with flex all and that did no good at all.  When I got home I was crying and then I had to change my top cause I was too hot and omggggggggggggg just bringing my arm up enough to get a t shirt on was the sharpest most horrible pain I have had in ages.  Then after Jay finished helping me with the shirt immediatly the pain spread down to the end of my arm and went across my thumb area.

 

I had talked to the pharmacy gal when I stopped to drop off my sharps and she said that she was pretty sure it was bursitis too but that it sounded to her like with all the swelling and fluid building up in there it had pinched off a nerve or worse case that I had a blood clot in an artery blocking blod flow.  The clot thing scared the crap outta me and I went back and forth wondering if I should go to the ER or not.  I told Jay if it got any worse I would go and if its not better by tomorrw I will go get it scanned.  Earlier today my docs nurse recommended that I use my sling from when I dislocated my other shoulder and I still had it so I put that on and it helped alot by keeping my shoulder immobil,almost right away the pain in my hand and low arm subsided so I was pretty sure I do have a nerve pinched from the swelling.  So ya,cant move my shoulder at all without horrible pain that would drop ya to your knee's and low on pain meds till refills on thursday so hurting so so much right now.  Omggggggggggggggg and right before I got online I had fallen asleep in the chair downstairs and Jay had been asleep on the couch and he wakes me up all grumpy and annoyed and I get my stuff together as best I can and he said something and I didnt hear him so I ask what and he goes"never mind just get your a## upstairs!!!

 

I didnt say a thing but burst into tears soon as i got upstairs,what a freakin jerk!!!!! he was all nice today and helpful but he wakes up grumpy and treats me like crap? what the hell?  its like someone does that to me and all the nice things they did for the day go right out the window,not to mention bring back memories of my ex being vicious.  Now I dont feel so much hurt as really po'd.   And with all thats going on with me today I still managed to get the kitchen clean and bbq him a nice dinner and do all the laundry one handed grrrrrrrrr I feel like going downstairs and slapping him.  He was all nice earlier and so concerned about my pain  sheesh serious jerk!!!  ok I am down venting and talking its really hard typin one handed and I gots to lay down.  Hugs everyone.

 

Karen

Hi Dinda,

Welcome to HealingWell fibro forum. I think that you will find that this is a wonderful place to come to. All of the member are so kind and compassionate.

Feel free to read other posts, we have a good informative one called fibro 101 and Who's who in the land of fibrofog to get to know eachother. I am sure that you will feel comfortable here.

Anyways, keep posting and remember we are here for advice and support.

Have a wonderful day
hugs, Karen

Hi Dinda and welcome to our fibro family. Read, ask questions and vent when you need to. This is a great group of people.

 

Karen, I'm sorry the pain has gotten so much worse. I hope you have it checked out if it doesn't get better. Why were you trying to do laundry and stuff???

 

I know when we are in a lot of pain we are more emotional but don't dwell on Jay being a little grumpy when he woke up. You should have said, "Geez did you get up on the wrong side of the couch".  If Ken and I dwelled on every time one of us was a little grumpy we would be mad at each other all the time. Can't say I'm the most pleasant person when I get up sometimes. Especially on those mornings when I get up and feel like I haven't gone to bed.

 

Feel better and take better care of yourself.

 

luv and hugs

Marlee

 

 

Thanx my good buddies,

 

Awwwwwww I am not mad at Jay anymore,still annoyed,just not mad.  Ya see it's a double standard so many times for women.  Men get all grumpy and snap or say something insensitive and all a guy has to say is "I was only joking" or"I'mm sorryyyyy" and we forgive and forget,but,we do something to make them mad or hurt their feelings and we are in the doghouse for the whole day!!  That's what annoys me most.  I knocked myself out with melatonin and slept extra long(well about 8 hours thats extra long for me) so

trying to wake up here.  My shoulder doesnt hurt quite so much if I dont move it.  Yesterday it was hurting no matter how careful.  Welcome to the forum Dinda and yes a sling does help.  For one thing hanging your arm down yanks on the bad shoulder and trying to just hold it close to you on your own gets tiring and still doesnt take the pressure off the shoulder completely.  Only thing is now the side of my neck hurts where the sling was pulling.

 

And Kelly thanx for siding with me when I was mad lol sometimes ya just want to be validated even if your not acting like a big girl and being the better person.  I think whats bothering aside from hurting all the time is I am afraid.  I have bad and badder days now.  I used to have days when I would have relatively low pain days and I cherished those days but these last few months I feel like I an truly falling apart.  If I could just get a breather inbetween but its one thing after another even when I am being careful.  I am so afraid of losing my mobility and hate having to rely on someone to take care of my basic needs.  Later today I am going to have to have Jay help me shower and its degrading ya know?   And I feel ashamed for taking so much for granted for so long.  I have seen others in wheelchairs or bedridden and thought oh how terrible for them but there was always that little voice in the back of my head that thought at least thats not me that I can handle this or that pain as long as thats not me.  Not that I felt like I was any better person then they were but I have always been so independent,I never realized how independent until recently.

 

And I think even if I end up in a wheelchair how do you escape the pain? It's gotten to the point where Jay has come in and waken me because I am crying in my sleep.  Even if I can stay asleep I dream in pain now.  I have asked Jay to just leave me be that if he wakes me up it doesnt change anything I will just be more aware of it and I am so undermedicaited it's pathetic.  I can't find a so called pain doctor to raise my meds and the drug holidays I take are becoming a waste of time for me.  I am never comfortable.  I get just enough pain relief to keep me mobile.  My doctor said if your doing something that causes you pain then stop so what? stop living? And I am terrified with everything going on with the DEA that I could lose what little bit of pain relief I have and that terrifies me because I absolutely could not cope with that.  And the alternative breaks my heart because I dont think my family would ever fully understand what is is to live in this body.

 

I know just how bad it can be from sharing a medical transport ride with a young man one day.  He was on his way to the University of Washington Medical Center that day as was I.  This kid was in agonizing pain and between trying to breath and crying he told me that he had an inoperable brain tumor and that they were refusing him higher pain meds as they were afraid of him getting addicted.  He was like addicted!!! you got to be kidding me? I am going to die soon.  So I know if they can do that to someone who is dying they can sure do that to someone who has a long time left in this world.  And it's not so much that they dont want to help yu but are too afraid to help you they way they should because of fear of being investigated of having their practice closed down.  How did things get so bad in medical care that the government can step in and not only take away the doctors life but how many of that docotrs patients ended up commiting suicide because they had what little hope they had taken away?

 

I hate living in fear of anything.  Thats why I left my ex hubby.  He had become so violent that I knew if I didnt leave I would die or maybe even him with the thoughts I was entertaining,you can only whip a dog so long before they bite back.  And this old dog was more then ready to try out her choppers ;)  at least I can look back at that with some humor now.  Whats so disheartening is that when I left him and started my "new" life with Jay,even though I had chronic pain at that time,it was managable and I thought it was finally my time to go out and spread my wings and get a job and just live my life without lving in fear anymore but that fear has been replaced with this new fear.  I have lived through bad accidents and domestic abuse and violent crime that almost took my life and pain has turned out to be my greatest fear of all because even thugh those things in my past where horrible they happened and then I could work towards getting past them and moving on but this is so different because they is no running no hiding its there everyday and getting worse.  You know the saying "if these walls could talk?"  If only ppl knew all there was to know about me and things that have happened.  Stress makes pain worse but how can you forget about a lifetime of pain that is locked in your mind? Man I'm complicated sheesh.

 

Well,I have about thunk myself nuts for one day.  Thank you all for being here for me.  It is a comfort to me to know that there are ppl that "get it" and not just the physical pain aspect of it but a womans life(sorry guys but this is one club ya cant be a member of).  I come here and I can take a big breath and let it out instead of holding it all in.

 

Soft Hug's,

Karen

Karen, I know it's hard to live with pain.  But you are dwelling on it all of the time!  If I did that, I'd be in misery, too.  Thinking about the pain and feeling the pain and thinking about how you are living with the pain has caused such fear and anxiety.  Read the scripture in my signature.  I chose that particular scripture because I thought it would be very useful on a forum such as this.  Just think about it.

 

I have my very worst pain at night.  I start out all right but I have a huge hernia and my doctors want me to sleep on both sides.  I can't sleep on my stomach because of the hernia and I can't sleep on my back because of scoliosis and fibro.  So I start out on one side.  Then I have to carefully roll to the other side.  Words can't explain the pain I feel when I do that.  It takes my breath away and I am moaning.  Then, after a few hours, I have to do that all over again.  Then, I usually have to get up 3-4 times a night.  I barely can stand and I use a cane to get to the bathroom and back.  The pain has grabbed me around the ribcage and I can barely breathe let alone put one foot in front of the other.  But, when on the toilet, I do stretching exercises to help loosen those muscles and I make it back to bed again.  This happens every night for me. 

 

Now, I could dwell on it, get myself upset and make myself hurt even more, OR I could hope that the new day would bring me less pain.  I choose the second choice!  I know I can take this pain for one day and I have hope that tomorrow will be a better day.  This type of thinking keeps the depression at bay and let's Marlee call me Little Miss Sunshine!    I never look ahead and think, "Is this how my life will be?"  Do you know why?  Because no one knows what the future holds.  Tomorrow we may wake up and, by some miracle, they have found what causes fibro and now have things to help us!  I know doctors are working on it so anything is possible. 

 

So, plan something that  you enjoy each day.  Take time for yourself and try to think of more pleasant things than the pain you are feeling.  If you get busy with an activity the pain can fade in the background. 

 

Sherrine

When I made the comment about big girls to Kelly I was joking.  I am sorry if I made it sound like anyone was picking on me.  I did not mean to be a bummer to anyone.  I know that there are others here that are in as much pain or more than me and I was just saying how I felt or what goes through my mind but this isnt everyday.  I do try to think positively and that is what gets me up and out of this house nearly everyday but yes,I do have bad days and sometimes bad weeks where things are overwhelming.  I was pouring out my fears and feelings because I felt comfortable enough to do that here.  I did not want to make anyone feel that this is not a positive site I know that most here are pretty upbeat and I know that ppl put aside their own pain to comfort others and I try to be there for others,maybe not enough lately and I am sorry If I let anyone down by dwelling on my own problems.  I am working on not being so negative,its hard but im not the only person that has had to do it.  I dont know what else to say I understand what you mean and I will work on it harder thats all I can do. 

Hi Karen. I hope you are feeling better today. I had bursitis in my right shoulder for a long time which progressed into a severe case of impingement syndrome that did require sugery. Before the surgery the burning pain was in my shoulder, down my arm, into my hand, my armpit, my chest and the whole upper quadrant of my back 24/7- not a good time at all. I had wonderful success with my surgery-it actually felt like a miracle when I woke up in the hospital and all that pain was gone.(the post-op pain was so minimal compared to what I had been experiencing). The scar tissue build-up from the bursitis was so bad the surgeon was even surprised! My suggestion to you is to go see an orthopedic surgeon before it gets awhole lot worse. A cortisone injection or two may help you alot. I was starting to have the same symptoms in my left arm and after about 3 injections I haven't had that pain anymore. He may send you for some pt also or suggest other therapies. Please don't wait on this. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. Lisa

Karen,

WOW, thought there was a mirror there when you were talking!
My first hubby was very abusive too..I have a chink missing from one of my vertebrae where he kicked me with a pair of steel toe work boots.. He was the devil himself..
Funny enough, after we had been apart for several years (we have 2 kids together), I had a dream..a really nice dream..honestly. We were all in the kitchen (my ex, his wife, me and my hubby) having coffee talking politely and joking around while the kids all played out side.
That was the entire dream, nothing bad, no mean words or anything.. and I was so FREAKED out by the simple dream, that my heart was POUNDING so hard, it woke up my hubby!! He thought I was having a heart attack!! I was on muscle relaxers for a few days from the pain in my chest of my heart pounding..it was awful..all over a stupid dream!!

Well, new hubby, Dave, is not abusive in any where near that manner, he can be so hurtful in what he says..I really chalk it up to his heritage, and his upbringing..he doesn't know how to treat people. Add to that he is a construction worker, so it isn't like he has to behave at work

It is hurtful when our companions don't support us, but one thing I have to keep reminding myself of, it can't be easy for them either..
So, I try harder on days I feel good, but he know when I hit a wall, leave me alone..no rude comments or anything..or I will break out "my choppers"

I really hope you feel better, and am glad to have you here with us..it is a great place to vent and get advice..no big girl panties needed here..lol..

Have a great day!!