The party's over

Well the partys over,problem is I didnt even know I was having one or I would have enjoyed it more!!  I am talking about weight gain!!  Omggggggg I had worked so hard to lose 75 pounds and was determined to get another 20 off and I stepped on the scales this moring and I gained 10 pounds in the last month.  I am praying that some of that is residual water gain form yesterday.  I am having a problem with edema and yesterday I swelled up so bad it looked like I was going to pop!!  The majority of the swelling was in my legs.  I have had some edema in my lower legs a few times since starting the Lyrica and was so afriad that was going to make me have to stop taking it but it only happened a couple times and that was with me sitting too long or being on my feet a long time and went away overnight.

 

The last 3 days I have had my lower legs swell quite a bit but yesterday the swelling went all the way up my thighs to the point where I thought I might have to go to the ER.  Omg my legs hurt so bad and were rock hard and twice the size of thier normaly chubby size.  I couldnt hardly even walk and of course it was the day I was out with my daughter but I cut it short and waddled home.  I doubled my water pilland was guzzeling water and I finally started to pee.  I realized that I really hadnt been going that much for 2 days.  So I spent most of last night with my legs up on a foam wedge praying they would come down in size and they did.  This morning still a lil swollen but not bad.  But even with this edema I know that not all of that 10 pounds was from edema.  I have been pigging out for a week straight and sure not following my own advice of sticking to low cal snacks at night.  So it's time to get my big butt in gear and do something about it.  I knew that I was gaining some by the way my clothes felt.  After losing the 75 I threw out all my fatter clothes and bought only pants with zippers and no stretch clothes so I would know even without going on the scale if things were getting out of hand.

 

I am so disapointed in myself.  I took the hard work for granted and look what happened.  I even had bought some really great blouses a size smaller(I am a 16 and bought some 14's and was at a 24) with the hope of getting into them by the end of summer but thats not happening.  The thing is I know exactly where I went wrong.  It was always at night when my pain was at its worst and I was tired so I just started this "I dont care" attitude.  I am so ashamed that I have been picking on Jay for weeks about his weight while I had this superior attidude because I had lost weight and he had gained,truly what a B**** I have been.  And I was still no where close to what I needed to be at for a goal weight.  I never had plans of going below a size 12-14 but was a good 20 pounds away from that.  Who was I fooling?once a fat girl always a fat girl at least at heart.  I knew from years before that its always going to be a struggle for me.  I am not new to losing a large amount of weight.  I lost over 80 pounds in the early 90's on nutri system before breaking my tailbone and then gaining it all back plus some.  I got up to nearly 300 pounds during a bad marriage and dealing with chonic pain then lost most of that and was in a size 12 when I met Jay.

 

Then once again gained again when I fell and broke my back and through several surgeries that followed.  Some of the weight gain was unavoidable as I couldnt work out like I used to but alot of it was emotional eating.....your hurting so eat,your deppressed so eat,your sad so eat and sometimes even on the rare day that your happy eat to celebrate.  I am an emotional eater and I fell right back into that pattern this last month or so going from one flare to the next.  I wish I could afford to be on some plan where the meals are brought to you and there is no guessing or thinking about it you just eat what they give you but I dont have that option anymore I am broke as a joke most days and really when you think about it even if you can afford those plans when your reach your goal weight you have to be on your own eventually so why not from the start?  This is so hard and I dont know if I have it in me anymore to keep fighting what my body for some reason wants to keep going back to.

 

I guess its pretty bad if your life has got to the point that you find more joy in eating a hershy bar then so many other things in life but with my health the way it is I dont really have a choice.  Gaining back all that weight would be a disaster and just add to my woes of high blood pressure and added pain and I cant handle much more of that.  So even if alot of this pudge is water gain time to get my arse in gear and practice what I preach and hopefully Jay will take the journey with me cause that sure wouldmake it so much easier to get healthy together.  Wish me luck =)

 

Love and Hug's,

Karen

One day at a time... one meal or snack at a time. Just brush yourself off and get back on the wagon. A little slip does not mean that everything is over... Tomorrow is a new day. Start again and keep at it. You can do it.

You guys are great and made me feel so special. I cant stay long been on my back with my legs up all day. Swelling in legs continues with a hot red rash as well. I have to set up an emergency appointment with the doctor as I showed my legs to the pharmacist and she about fell over and she got very serious with me. She asked how long this had been going on and how bad and when I told her at least 3 days and though bad today it had been even worse she said she believed it was congestive heart failure specialy with my health history so need to get checked asap. I am really scared I have already had 2 strokes and I am diabetic and have been running myself into the ground and for what? trying to help a family that doesnt really care as long as they got what they wanted out of me? and I can say that cause when I showed the pharmacist my legs she had stopped me in the store when she saw how I was walking and I told her I was there shopping for my mom. My mom had saw my legs before I went and I had been begging her to hurry up and make up her mind so I could even go and get home cause my legs were hurting so much(I had been at her house for hours going through tons of boxes of junk to get rid of). Even as I finally started walking out her door she was yelling back at me "did you bring your lil cart?" I said no and she goes"well gee then I guees getting milk too would be too heavy?you can go back tomorrow cant you?" and she knew right then that I was having trouble and wanted to go home to rest. I asked her why didnt she go to the store herself today and she said she just hadnt got in the shower and didnt want to go looking like that and when I said how bout you go and get milk tomorrow she said "ohhhhhhhh I guess if I have to" does that sound like someone who cares? they may say they care but their actions dont show it. Jay told me today that unless I am at the doctors I better not be doing anything but resting my legs tomorrow. I hope he remembers that when he comes home and the chores arent done and there is no dinner cause I know in my heart I will probaby hear"oh I guess I have to make my own food?" easier to say its my family thats the problem when I do many things I shouldnt for him because of the guilt factor and then I get the "well I never told you that you had to do this or that"but himand the rest have made it very clear that is what they wanted from me by their actions or they would have already done for themselves. Oh well I am tired and hurting so I am going to bed. Will get back to you with what I find. The funny thing is one of the first things I thought when told I might have congestive heart failure is I dont have time for this, how messed up is that?

Love ,
Karen

QTK,

 

First of all, you need to have that edema looked at.  It could be related to so many things-I see you have high BP and you are diabetic.  That much swelling is NOT normal.  As you know, I'm not a doctor (I don't even play one on TV), but I do have a medical background.  But, any layperson would agree with me (I hope) that something is wrong.  I mean, your kidneys could be shutting down!  Please take care of yourself.  We need you around.

 

As far as the weight goes, I do understand how you feel.  But, it sounds as though at least some of that weight is from the edema.  So, don't knock yourself, OK?  I am overweight, and I am desperately trying to change that-because it isn't good for my already crappy health.  Seriously, I know I am one Twinkie shy of being diabetic.

Anyway, as Karen (getting by) said, TAKE CARE OF YOU!

Karen,

I agree with the others, you are being waaay too hard on yourself.  You have lost the weight before and you can do it again.  Temporary water weight gain is just that: temporary!  I was watching the Tyra Banks  show the other day and they had an expert on there that said you can eat as late in the evening as you want, just not 1 1/2 hrs. before you go to bed.  Sounded good to me.

Don't beat your self up over a temporary setback.  Have yourself a good pity party and then get on with business.  Remember what Scarlett O'Hara said: Tomorrow is another day.