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Posted 1/3/2009 10:45 PM (GMT 0)
Hey there everyone. Well, as my post title states, I just lost my job. I was let go on New Years Eve. For a bit of occupation background, I was employed with the company for 2.5 years, full-time. It was my first job out of college. I was a database integration technician for a direct marketing company, and basically that involved keeping lots of databases updated monthly. The company wrote all of it's own software and programs, so my position also required learning about and integrating those new programs. It meant A LOT of attention to detail and concentration. Well for the first 1.5 years I seemed to be doing great. As recently as last March I was given a 14% raise and praised for my progress. But then began the downhill slide. It seemed like I just couldn't concentrate as well anymore and forget the attention to details. I was making little mistakes left and right. It was getting so frustrating because of course I didn't MEAN to make mistakes and didn't even realize I was doing it. It was like I just could not make my brain work the way it was supposed to. Luckily none of the mistakes were too major. In September I had a review and was told that I needed to "tighten things up" and pay more attention, and also have a faster turn-around time for my projects. At that point I had not been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. My supervisor was under the impression that I was just getting lazy, not paying attention, and didn't care about the job. I agreed to work harder and I did but I began to panic about everything, worrying constantly that I was making mistakes. I started obsessively checking my work, to the point where I would lay awake nights wondering if I'd gotten some little thing wrong. Well the day came when I made a big mistake. I put the completely wrong date into one of the programs and it screwed up all the results. I didn't catch the mistake before my supervisor did. Not to mention I was still making little mistakes in other areas, forgetting to do certain things, etc. Now I was diagnosed with Fibro in November, but I did not tell anyone at work. I just wasn't looking to play the victim or make excuses. And I also did not think I would get special treatment/consideration due to the disorder. It still meant I couldn't do the job I was getting paid for. So on New Years Eve my supervisor called me into his office and told me that I was being let go. It was just...humiliating. I did not even get out two words to him, it happened so fast. He followed me back to my desk to get my key and brought me a box and I had to pack up my stuff then and there. Did I mention that this was in the middle of the day and other employees were watching? It was just the most embarrassing moment.

Now I just don't know what to do. I am feeling like I'm going crazy with the memory problems, to the point where I'm convincing myself it isn't Fibro but maybe a brain problem, like a tumor. Then I scare the crap out of myself thinking it's a brain tumor. I'm messing up words, forgetting things, blanking out in conversations, asking the same questions minutes apart...etc. I feel like I am only 24 and this just shouldn't be happening to me. I was an honor student all through high school, on the President's list in college, and here I am being fired from my job for a silly mistake! I'm terrified that I'll never be able to hold down a job due to these issues and to be honest I'm scared to even try, my self-confidence has taken such a big hit. I feel...well, stupid. I mean just today I was talking to a friend about employment opportunities and I meant to say "I don't know if I have enough credits to take that TEST" but instead I said "I don't know if I have enough credits to take that HOUSE." Yesterday I was telling my Mom that I'd been watching a movie with my boyfriend the night before and a minute later she asked me what movie I watched and I said "When?" She said "Last night." And I honestly could not remember telling her I'd watched a movie the night before. I'm scared! Is there something wrong with my brain potentially? I'm just freaking out. Not to mention I now won't have health insurance and my regular prescriptions will be so expensive, not to mention if I need to go in and get my brain checked!

Sorry to rant but I am just...overwhelmed. And of course the stress = pain.
Posted 1/3/2009 11:51 PM (GMT 0)

Oh...I am so so sorry for your nightmare.  The only reassurence that I can give you is that the Fog and memory issues are typical and please don't worry about having a brain tumor...although there probably isn't one of us on this forum that don't wonder about that from time to time.  I rented a movie on pay per view last night and my husband said..."Why did you rent that?  We have seen it twice already."  I honestly don't remember a thing about it (Charlie Wilson's War).  I am a writer and have given up completely because my spelling is dyslexic(sp??) and I will read back a sentence that I already wrote in a previous paragraph.  I have lost three cell phones in the past six months and I can't tell you how many times I have left my ATM card in the slot at the bank.  I had to ask the hubby what kind of Van we owned for an insurance question I had to answer...as I had an accident last week end in a parking lot.  I get lost in stores I have been in a million times.  I'll go into a store for one item and just stand there once inside, forgetting what I am in there to buy.  The list goes on and on and I know how frustrating it is.

We lost our health insurance when we moved back to NY from VA so I know how scary it is to feel like you can't get the meds you need.  I ask for samples, and if the doc has them, I take them.  Lexapro costs a fortune!

hang in there and I hope you find something to do that you can cope with.(never end a sentence with a preposition but what do I care anymore??!)  This disease really sucks.

donna

Posted 1/3/2009 11:59 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Anxietyridden.

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your job and everything else going on. I hope things turn around for you and maybe you can find some support for your anxiety.

Hey Donna :) I always feel like I'm backtracking myself anymore. . . Sometimes it feels like one step forward and a few steps back. . . All we can do is to do out best!

Take care you all! I am not on the Fibro Forum much anymore, been dealing with my Anxiety and Panic in that forum. Time for me to heal as much as possible :)
Posted 1/4/2009 12:08 AM (GMT 0)
Hey there! I'm glad I checked your post. Let me say a few things, ok? Take a deep breath, have a sip of water, and listen to me.

I can relate to what you have posted; I'll bet many, many of us can. I understand your anxiety and fears, but now that the worst HAS happened, its time to let go of the fear and relax. I mean it! You were afraid of losing your job; the job has gone and now you can let that fear go. AND- letting go of one fear isn't carte blanche to pick up another one. It is true that the fog can really hamper us, but guess what- sometimes a fog that is worse than it should be is trying to tell us something. From your post, I would offer that the job you were struggling to keep up with was maybe something that was taxing you too much. It sounds like the job was asking that you maximize on your weaker skills. I have been right where you are now, and my job was asking me to excel at things I didn't enjoy or do well. I took the opportunity that FM was giving me and moved away from a bad position that was contributing to my illness.

Okay- lecture over :) Now lets talk about how the fog is affecting you- it is normal- I know that sounds wierd, but fog is foggy! Right now, with what feels like chaos, your fog may be normal FM fog with uncertainty and a sort of freedom all mixed together. Let me encourage you to think about what you want out of your professional life, use this time to imagine yourself doing things that you always wanted to do. Talk with friends about your dreams and see what occurs to you while you ponder your future. I want to ask you to stop being so hard on yourself. Fog, memory issues, making mistakes, these are going to happen, but you can work on ways to not beat yourself up when they do. You say you were Dx in Nov, you could talk to your doc about all of these changes and let them help you through them.

I hope you will begin feeling better soon. You have done nothing wrong, remember that. Keep your chin up and keep posting. Let us know how you are, we believe in you and your ability to adapt and turn this into an experience of personal growth.
Posted 1/4/2009 12:08 AM (GMT 0)

I am so sorry that you lost your job.  That really stinks!  As far as what you descibe, you could be describing me.  I have all of those problems but since I have been medicated (prozac and pamelor, no I'm not drepressed, although my doc keeps asking me if I am, I think it's an insurance thing) it is only really bad when I'm in a flare like today.  I took my youngest daughter to a ceramics class today.  When I went to pay, I handed the girl my money but she told me that I had given you way to much.  I couldn't comprehend what she was saying to me, I just said "Sorry, I'm having a bad day would you just please give me back what you don't need".  I felt like an idiot but that has been my whole day.  I keep using the wrong words and my kids think it is funny but they are getting used to the new mom. 

There are jobs out there that you will be able to do.  I had to change jobs myself and what a difference it has made.  I don't fear making huge mistakes anymore, I actually like going to work.  It sounds like you may be putting to much stress on yourself, that can trigger the fog and make things worse.  For now you should try to concentrate on feeling better, things will be ok!  We all seem to suffer some kind of major change with this disorder but we all get through it and we will be here for support.

Posted 1/4/2009 12:14 AM (GMT 0)
Golly, that's terrible news!  I started with the fibro fog really bad when my husband died suddenly.  I couldn't remember anything or have any recollection of conversations.  I though I was getting Alzheimer's.  I've been driving places that I've been a million time but yet really have to stop and think how to get there.  The next time I go to drive there I have no problem.  But, I really think stress plays a big part in all of this.  You have been under so much stress worrying about your job.  If you could just relax about it you might do better.

 

You can pick up COBRA and carry your current health insurance for, I believe, two years.  (I think that is still around.)  I did that when my husband passed on.  That might put your mind at ease.  Speak to your doctor about the memory problems.  He/she might have some answers for you.  There are certain vitamins that are supposed to be good for memory problems, too.

 

I wish I had more to offer here.  We are all in the same boat.  It's just so difficult when you are so young to be having these issues.  I will keep you in my prayers.

 

Sherrine

Posted 1/4/2009 12:58 AM (GMT 0)
I probably shouldn't say this, since its water under the bridge at this point, but I am sick of seeing people with this problem getting treated like its nothing. You were basicaly fired over a inability to perform your duties, that was due to a disability you developed while working at this company in a position that easily could have been the physical and mental stress cause of you getting the disability to begin with.

You developed Fibro working at a computer all day in a mentaly taxing, highly stressful job. You were diagnosed before being fired from the job. You had months of even higher stress worrying about losing your job. Strange thing about full time computer work. It aggravates the heck out of Fibro. Whether or not it caused it, who knows, but its not a good job for a person with Fibro.

I don't know what you can do about it now since you didn't tell them, but I think you would have stood a good shot at special consideration. Its a recognized disability and they would have had to make allowances, retrain you to something else, or put you on workmans comp. I believe you have six months to file a workmans comp disability claim. What your chances are on getting it, since you didn't tell them when you got the diagnoses I don't have a clue, but a free consultation with a workmans comp attorney might be worth the hour spent. Lots of people have been fired and then re-hired for mitigating circumstances after the fact.

Up to you, but it sounds to me like you were afraid to tell them, like the Fibro had nothing to do with the job, so it was all on you, when it really wasn't if you didn't have these problems when you hired into the job. I know the last thing you probably want in the world is more stress, but ask yourself honestly and then act on that. Did this job have anything to do with what happened to your health?
Posted 1/4/2009 1:02 AM (GMT 0)

I am so sorry about losing your job and how you are feeling,

Everyone has given you great advice, but I wanted to let you know that I have been going through the same thing with my job. I work as a Secretary/Bookkeeper for a Tree Company, the only difference is that I am the only one in the office and my boss doesn't know how bad it is getting. I forget important things. Previous customers will call for service and I don't remember them. I even forget to ask the right quesions when someone calls for an estimate.

I had to cut back my days because I just couldn't do it anymore. Right now, I am working 1 day a week and answering work calls from home on 2 days. Even that is too much. I am having alot of problems and hurting so much that my mind just doesn't work.I am just lucky that the owner gives me free reign and let's me run the office as I want. I know the day is coming when I will sign up for disability, but trying to hold off.

I'm sorry I talked so long about me, but I want you to know that all the things you are going through are typical of Fibro. Sometimes you will have good days where you remember everything and some days you won't.

Sherrine was talking about COBRA. My husband's plant closed back 3 years ago and we were able to carry his insurance for a couple years. It gave us time for my hubby to find another good paying job with insurance. Maybe you can call the personal department at your old job and talk to them about your choices.

I think you need to talk to your doctor and let him know things are getting worse. He should be able to give you something for stress. It helped me and sometimes you just need that extra push to help you get through things without being scared or bummed all the time.

Good luck with everything and I hope it all works out for you. Keep us posted or holler anytime you need help.

Margie

Posted 1/4/2009 2:56 AM (GMT 0)
COBRA is an option but it can be expensive. When I finally lost my job years ago, the COBRA payments were almost $700/month. The cost depends on your company, hopefully, yours will be more reasonable.

I was never able to return to my field, engineering, but I eventually was able to work as a part-time teacher. I looked hard at my strengths and weaknesses and found something I could do with my brain fog. Of course, I'm making less than 1/3 of my previous salary but at least I have insurance, a paycheck, and a satisfying job plus a lot of time off.

You did your best and worked hard. It's not your fault, you tried your best. Get in to see your doc before you lose your insurance. Take baby steps so you don't get overwhelmed.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Good Luck.
Posted 1/4/2009 5:29 AM (GMT 0)
First let me say I am very sorry for what you are going through at your young age.

Please try to see that you will be a stronger person in the long run for having to endure this now.

The work comp claim idea is an interesting one. You would have to identify a starting date for your claim, and as long as you were employed at that time, you should be able to file a claim.

Best Wishes no matter what you decide to do. And thanks for sharing - as a person on disability leave from a full time computer job, you've really given me some things to think about.
Posted 1/4/2009 4:29 PM (GMT 0)
Anxietyridden you have been given so much great advice from so many people on here. I just want to say how sorry I am that it come to a humiliating experience for you. I think your boss was a jerk for not being more discrete about it.

 

For every door that closes a new one opens.

Good luck.

 

luv and hugs

Marlee

Posted 1/4/2009 5:00 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry to read your post anxietyridden. First of all, I had no idea mental "fog" was part of fibro. I've suffed this mental fog and have always thought it was due to the meds. If it's any consolation, you have given insight to at least one person on this board with your experience.

I hope you'll be able to go on from here in a positive way. Good luck to you :-)
Posted 1/4/2009 8:47 PM (GMT 0)
Julieleaps

When you got the DX of spinal stenosis and fused C5 through C7, did they mention Thorasic Outlet Syndrome? Thorasic Outlet Syndrome starts at C5 to C7, then the nerves pass through the neck muscles, shoulder muscles and down the arms to the hands. Allot of people with it get miss-diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome, since it feels exactly the same at the hands. Slow realignment of the C5 through C7 vertebrae from computer work and nerve compression in the alignment of the neck and shoulders is usualy the cause. They used to operate on Thorasic Outlet Syndrome at the Vertebrae by fusing them all the time. They seldom do this anymore because it didn't work and people ended up with stiff necks from fusion. Now they generaly opt for months of physical therapy instead to get the head, neck and shoulders back where they are supposed to be, getting the pressure off the nerves.

Most people that get this have computer jobs.

I had a massage therapist coming to my house once a week for years just to undo the nerve compressions so I could continue to work at my computer business. I even thought I had carpal tunnel in both hands for a long time. He finaly got rid of it by working the neck and shoulders for months.

Computers are fun and oh so usefull, but they wreek havoc on peoples bodies, and it takes so long to get there, is so slow and progressive that by the time we know we have a real problem the computer posture is like its set in stone almost.

As far as a Workmans Compensation claim is concerned, all that is needed is to show a Causal relationship between the job and the exacerbation of a problem and a loss of function where you cannot do your job, or it will continue to exacerbate it. You don't even have to prove the job directly caused something, just that it made it worse. How many people have some degree of back problems. Most do. Then they take jobs and something happens that takes their back out on the job.

How well that would go over on Fibromyalgia would depend on how your Doctor or Doctors craft their statement on how what type of job you have and how this would effect what you have. There is an obvious relationship between spending lots of time at a computer, high stress, loss of sleep and Fibromyalgia exacerbation. Getting the Doctor to agree though and put it in writing that this made you worse working in that environment might be another story. But there is a ever increasing number of Fibromyalgia related workmans compensation claims being seen, because it is medicaly viewed as a syndrome, not a disease. Claiming that a job was a major cause of a syndrome, or exacerbated a syndrome is not a far reach.
Posted 1/4/2009 9:54 PM (GMT 0)
Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for the kind and supportive responses. Luckily I have a DBF who is helping to support me financially and so I should be OK in that aspect, other than the health insurance. I'm trying to make appointments for all the doctors I need to see within the next 2 weeks, before my health insurance runs out. I am also kind of hoping that my one doctor will have samples of Paxil for me - sometimes he does, so I'll ask. He is pretty understanding. I think I just needed to vent and speak my fears here to people who would understand what it is like to live w/ the fog. That is really what affected my job performance the most. I do agree with those who have said computer posture can wreak havoc with the pain though.

Tomorrow will be my first real day of "unemployment" since it is the first week day the office will be open since I was let go. Although I am not consciously doing so, I must be stressing because as the weekend and today have progressed, so have my levels of pain. It's so frustrating. I plan on setting a schedule for myself to follow each day because I know if I sleep too much or spend too much inactive time I will feel worse. Here's hoping I stick to it!

Thanks again everyone.
Posted 1/4/2009 10:14 PM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your job and the way that it was handled. That must have been so uncomfortable for you. But as was mentioned above, often one thing leads to another and hopefully there will be other doors opened due to the situation. Maybe a less stressful job somewhere.

I wish for you the best. Have an energetic and painfree day.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/4/2009 11:03 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, Anxietyridden...

I actually recently lost my job as well!!! I'd rather not get into it though lol it just gets me annoyed (long story) but I am sorry for your mishap.

But I also am experiencing BAD memory loss... and I mix up words and can't finish sentences.. it's just the Fibro I assure you!! It's so frustrating, I know.

I hope all is well with you when you read this and for the rest of your days. xoxo

______________________________________________________________________

Fibromyalgia, Bipolar Disorder, Hallucinations, OCD, Chemical/Noise/Light Sensitivity, Irrational fears

Posted 1/5/2009 12:43 AM (GMT 0)
anxietyridden,
Ask ALL of your docs for samples of Paxil. Explain that you are out of work and need a little help for now. A few years ago I needed Nexium samples until my insurance kicked in and even my Gyn had some samples. If you don't already have 90 day prescriptions for your meds, see if you can get some filled before your insurance runs out. Ask about changing to generics, some are only $10.00 for 90 days.

If you need to fill a prescription after your insurance stops, compare prices at various pharmacies. Some drug manufacturers have programs that help you get the meds free or low cost. Chain pharmacies like Walgreens and CVS now have low cost clinics in case you get sick.
Posted 1/5/2009 1:19 AM (GMT 0)
Anxietyridden,
You've been given lots of great advice and it sounds like you've got some good vibes going your way..
Be calm and be well.
Patti
Posted 1/5/2009 5:56 AM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry.
Posted 1/6/2009 6:51 AM (GMT 0)
I do not know if you live in the area where there is a Publix grocery store or not, but they offer free RX on the old antibiotics should get get sick.

You can also do a google search for Prescription Drug Program and Montel Williams. This program helps with some drugs on a at cost plan for those without insurance and no money.

I am sorry about your job. My husband lost his IT job 16 mo ago due to his fibro and other immune disorder. We are trying to get SSDI and VA disability. The process is long and hard. We are down to not paing one bill or not eating to pay the mortgage. I have been looking at job listings in our area, but they all want you to be articulate.........LOL I put the stranges words together sometimes, so I do not even dream to apply for those. I have to take care of my hubby full time, so I do not have any idea what we are going to do.

Right now, I think that we both have had the mono virus kick back up with all of the stress. We have been sleeping round the clock and on the pain meds to help deal with this constantly changing weather pattern.
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