Sick of Martyrs

Ya know the other day I was at my beaking point.  I had been dealing with a very *****y mother and after at least 2 trips to the store for her and then only to find that I had forgotten to pick up one of her meds......was it something she needed right then? no but she berated me til I went back to the pharmacy and when my turn came all I could choke out was "I forgot moms medicine" then burst out bawling like the flood gates had opened.  Was it embarressing ?yessssss did I feel ashamed?yesssss but when that oh so sweet pharmacist came from around that counter to give me a hug and hold me like the small child I felt did I care who saw? noooooo all I knew was her arms felt so good and warm after such a  hard day of pain and verbal abuse from mom.  Ya maybe I did feel kinda like a martyr? kinda but I didnt care.  everyone is entitled to feel a lil bit sorry for themselves.  I felt oh so much better when that hug was done.  I think that ya just need to connect with ppl and let them help if needed.  I am a very emotional person to begin with.  I hurt deep and I love hard and I just cant hide that nor do I want to its makes me who I am.  What I get most is I am being a drama queen because my family doesnt take anything seriously including my requests for help.  And I do i feel at times like I am the only grown up here.  What I hate is for ppl to say ohhhhhh Karen if it wasnt for you keeping it all together blah blah I dont want that I want ppl to pull their share.  And I hate when I am trying to tell family how bad I am hurting I get well ya know what happened to me the other day?  always gotta to one up me.  I know others hurt too but I need then to hear me too and ya it does make me mad when you have someone whine about a hangnail when I can barely move.  Heck I dont even remember what I wanted to say here except we are all entitled to our moments/

Hi Austen,

 

I think that you expressed yourself very well and you didn't say anything to offend anybody.  So worry not.  We are all welcome to express ourselves and we all have different pain levels and different levels of fatigue.  So we understand that the other person could be hurting more or less than we are.  So there is a pretty broad spectrum there.

I hope that everybody is haveing a wonderful weekend.

hugs, Karen

Family!  Sometimes they just don't understand.  Sometimes they take you for granted.  Yesterday after I had worked 3 12 hour days plus a 2 hour comute, I came home to "family  night" exhausted.  Everyone expected me to have dinner.  I swear, sometimes they would all starve to death if I didn't feed them.  I could barely sit at the table with my head on my arms.  I told them we should just go get fast food and suggested a place.  dh just stood with his arms crossed vetoeing every idea anyone had. When I suggested we just eat sandwiches they said "yes" and all just stood or sat there.   I finally said, "So the only way we are going to eat is if I get up and make us something?"  Then someone said, Oh no and started digging in the fridge.  They asked what I wanted and I told them "nothing" and went to my bedroom and cried.  Then I felt guilty for making everyone "uncomfortable." 

Sometimes I get so frustrated when I am in pain and dh asks, "what's wrong?"  "I have fibro, you moron!"  I think that, but don't say it.  I guess it is easy for them to forget because of course, I don't look sick,"   

But good news for today is, I don't have a lot of pain today and I was able to think clearly and get some things done.  Yay for today.

Sue

Hi there,

Good days are soooo welcome here...

 

I think that you know that.  We love to hear about the good days.  It just seems that some of us don't have them as often.  I for one do have my share and I am able to keep my pain under control (not absolutely gone) with medications and malic acid. 

I think there was an apology made if the thread was taken badly.  And you shouldn't feel offended by it.  Maybe some of the members just wish that they could have more good days.  Please don't feel you are being thought badly of because you are not.  I think it is great that you can have good days as I am happy that I do too.  We never do know how long it is going to last.  Be happy that you are happy.  I am happy for you.

Please don't feel offended.

 

Hugs, Karen

After reading all these posts, I had to smile.  This is what this forum is about.  Someone is down & those who are having a good or better day lift them up.  Those who are depressed are given optimism.  Those who are sad are cried with.  Those who need a hug, get one.  I come here when I am sad or hurting or sick & just want someone to say "It's all right, it will get better." & "It's all right to feel bad right now, we have been there & here is what we did."  There is always someone here for me even when those in my own life are not.  Other times I get the wonderful opportunity to give someone a hug & let them know how I feel about them.  To say you are so great or so funny or so amazing and mean it.  That just for this few minutes it isn't about me or my illness but about you & yours.  thank you for this forum.  All of you make this the place it is & that is why we are all here.  Hugs to you all, Denise 

Geez, this is becoming more like a real family all the time.

 

LilMissSunshine don't you dare stop posting your positive days young lady. It was very uplifting to read about your job and how much you are enjoying being a part of society and feeling like you have a purpose again. There are so many on here that are striving to get fibro under control with whatever is available so they too can be where you are.

 

luv and hugs

Marlee

Sunshine,
Don't you dare stop being positive. I love it!! There are plenty on this forum that enjoy being upbeat about our pain and fatigue.
Sue can not possibly believe that her pain and fatigue might be worse than mine or yours. We not only have different levels of pain and fatigue, but also different levels of tolerence for these effects. I have always worked sick, with blown knee, broken nose, etc... It is my nature to push on and accept all challenges God throws at me with a positive attitude.

I truly hope to not see another negative post on this matter, because I believe it is counter productive to the true meaning of our little family to scold those who choose to express themselves differently than others.
Sunshine, Keep on being positive and being a positive influence on my life for I need you and the other Martyrs keeping me looking forward and to better times.

Statgeek, I know where you are coming from.  Here are a couple of suggestions.  I did this when my children were small and I still do this.  On my better days, and for you if it is a weekend, I prepare twice as much food as I need.  It doesn't take too much more effort.  Then I have plastic plates with snap on lids that I dish the extra portions in and then I label and freeze them.  It's so great to have a home-cooked meal without cooking!  If I know the next day will be extremely busy, I head to the freezer and take out meals and put them in the fridge so they aren't rock solid the next night.  It's easier to microwave them.  I freeze dinners, one pot meals, and soups for those lousy fibro days!

 

I have Rubbermaid Takealongs that I use.  The one I use is an oval divided plate with three sections but I couldn't find  it on line.  But here is a rectangular divided dish with two sections that would work great, too.  I also buy the Glad covered bowls for soups.  Here is a link to the Rubbermaid divided dish.  If you google Rubbermaid Takealongs,  you will get a large selection.  They can be in the freezer and the microwave.  When I microwave the food, I remove the lid and cover with Saran Wrap.

 

http://www.epinions.com/content_188589575812

Another thing I would do is "Fend for Yourself" nights!  LOL  If I knew I had sandwich fixings or leftover food in the fridge or canned soups or boxed macaroni and cheese, everyone would just help themselves to what looked good to them and then take care of their mess.  My kids were all at least 10 years old when I started this.  Actually, they really liked it because they could eat whenever they wanted!  LOL

 

Hope this gives you a few ideas.  If you aren't feeling well, don't let your family make you feel guilty.  Besides, you are actually teaching them some sense of responsibility!

 

Sherrine

 

Sue2z,

 

I have to admit that at first I didn't want to comment on your post-because my first emotion was anger.  But, I was not angry with you, I am 100% with you.  There have been quite a few times when I have been offended by people here.  Once I even considered leaving all together.

 

But like any other family, I guess we just have to come to the point where we "agree to disagree."  I have to remember that some people may say things with no intention of hurting me, but it's the way it is said that does hurt me.  Maybe these people are reading this and thinking, "She's too sensitive."  Well, maybe I am.  But I don't react well to people suggesting that I "get over it" or "suck it up."

 

Also, I have said this so many times, but I'll say it again.  Everyone's pain is different, and we all react to it differently.  I wish I didn't have to take Rx medication.  I often feel a tremendous amount of envy for the people here who don't have to take meds.  And, what works for one person may not work for another.

 

Just speaking for myself, I don't have a lot of emotional support (concerning fibro) from family.  So, I come here for that support, and it hurts me deeply when someone tells me that I should just ignore the horrible pain. 

 

Anyway, that's my 2 cents, and I apologize if I have ever hurt anyone here.  I love y'all and you have been so supportive of me this past week.  You'll never know how much that means to me.

Okay. I think I am a loving, kind and caring mom--a wonderful person.

However, my children say I am grouchy.

I would make a horrible martyr. One reason is that at home I whine. But, in public, I am so happy to be out of the house that I am considered a very happy person.

In my book fibro sucks.

However, I cope in whatever way is possible. I use a power wheelchair and I get to hear people say, "Well, at least I am not in a wheelchair" or, "I know you will be glad when you get out of that thing."

They cannot understand that the charr is my road to freedom. Instead of attending events hunting down a place to sit, I am comfortable. When on long lines, I do not have to worry about the pain of standing. I can go to the pool everyday because I have the chair.

So, the reason I handle my illness so well is I have hunted sown every assistive device that can help. I have the energy to exercise because I am not exhausted by walking.

I like pain medications. I do not get that many but I will try out what is offered. I consider a great side affect to be less pain.

The other day I was told that I did too much and did not know how to rest. I thought,
"Huh?"

Later on I realized it was because I did things in spite of my disability. I also pace myself. I put in my time being house bound due to pain and exhaustion. It was such a frustrating way to live. I remember the days of brain fog, the sleepless nights and constant grogginess.

I too become angry when people tell me that if I did not eat this food or use that product, I would no longer have chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. I am also tired of quacks offering the latest snake oil. One friend commenced to tell me who the foremost researcher in fibromyalgia was. I could not convince her that there were thousands of fibro researchers. I know this because I have access to the latest studies.

She still felt I should listen to him. Grr

When I swim I ususlally meet a woman who is a physical therapist. According to her I am an example for her patients. I do look impressive. lol

But, I do not want her to compare my accomplishments to those of her patients. Just because I swim daily does not mean that all fibro patients can do it.

I am ranting probably because my wheelchair stopped working last night and I am stuck here. It has been a rough month. First snow kept us in, then I had a virus for over 2 weeks and now I have a broken chair which may be repaired on Monday. However, they might have to have insurance approal first. I plan to say screw the insurance, I will pay. lol

Do I sound like a martyr?

Donnaeil

I do not see any reason for you to regret this post. I myself, have enjoyed it. It is good to come out and say that something like a great attitude will et us through the day. Maybe a great attitude and a morphine IV will but this illness can drag anybody down.

Just watch people who have temporary pain. Even my freinds who do not have fibro tell me that after feeling a month of pain they were miserable. They admitted that they had no idea what it felt like to hurt all of the time. In addition, they were clueless about flares.

Of course, once their problems were cleared up, it was hard for them to imagine relentless pain anymore since it was gone. HOwever, they have a newfound compassion for me.

Keep posting, we do need a bit of reality now and then. In addition, I respect your thoughts on this subject.

Again, Thank you,

Donnaeil

hi rich,

thank you so much for that post..you've really hit a nerve with me, but not in a bad way. (i'll try to explain myself here, but please note that i am in a baaaad flare today and i might not make much sense!)

i am terrible at communicating myself when it comes to my fibro. i just don't talk about it, even when others around me are asking "what's wrong?" i just say "oh, nothing". my hubby has gotten to understand me well enough that he knows when i say "oh, nothing" i am totally and completely full of you know what, so he will just say "uh huh" in that way that lets me know he knows i'm full of you know what, but he will wait for me to open up instead of pressing the issue. i really appreciate when he does this because it lets me know he's there and he cares without making me explain myself. also, i didn't mean to suggest that my dh doesn't care to talk about this, but i do know that talking about it upsets him. he's terrible at expressing himself, too, though, so when he's upset, it translates into being irritable. i know this about him, so i know when he gets irritable when i talk about my fibro, it's because he's scared and sad. that's not to say he gets that way ALL of the time, but i don't like to press the issue because then i feel bad for upsetting him and on and on. (i really don't like to upset people)

i think a lot of my problem with expressing myself and how i feel when it comes to my fibro is that i don't know what to say. when i am feeling fibro-flare bad, my brain doesn't work right either so i don't even know how to go about explaining to someone what i'm going through. it all becomes a jumbly mess and i end up saying it wrong and getting frustrated so i normally just don't say anything at all. see-i don't even know if any of THAT made sense..lol. arg!!

so i haven't even really talked to my kids about this because i am not sure what to say to them or how to say it. my daughter is older and i've explained it to her in a "clinical" fashion-this is what i have. these are the symptoms-but i didn't know how to express how i feel to her in a non clinical way, so i'm not sure if it had much of an impact. to her, i'm mom and mom is always mom and mom will always be exactly the same every day and whatever is going on with mom doesn't affect her life because i'm just mom. do you know what i mean? she's a teenager, so she's pretty self-directed and lost in her own things and i don't think she thinks about how i feel, not because she's a bad kid (she's a GREAT kid!) but because she's just 15 and doing what 15 year old's do. i know i didn't think much about how my parents felt when i was that age!

with my sons, i haven't said anything to them about any of it because i don't know how to explain it to them on their level (they are 6 and 4). i wish they had a book on this, kind of like the "where do babies come from" books and stuff. lol. i just don't know how to translate the reality of fibro into language that kids their age can really understand. again, i don't want to scare them or make them sad, but i also know i have to stop NOT saying anything because i know that they know something is going on even if they don't know what, and the longer i go without explain the what of things to them, the more likely it is that they will build some terrible thing up in their minds and be scared and sad anyway! so, yes, i know i need to talk to them. if anyone has tips on how to talk to little ones about fibro, i would greatly appreciate it!

anyway-back on point. i love your idea because this might be a way for me to communicate how i'm feeling without having to use words. this is something hubby and dd can use, too. if i'm having a bad day, i can put up my oscar (yes, they still have oscar ) and everyone can kind of gauge where i am at without there having to be a big fussy conversation about it. thank you so, so much for sharing that idea because i think this is definitely something my family and i can work with.

i think i need to work on coming here and being more honest and upfront about how i'm feeling, too. a lot of times i just want to be supportive of others because i have grown to care about everyone here so much and hate to "see" anyone here having a bad day. even if all i say is "i'm here and i understand" (which is usually all i ever say lol) i feel like i might be helping at least a little. i'm one of those bleeding heart types that want to save the world and everyone and everything in it, so when i see others in pain, i just want to help, even if it's at my own expense. again, i hope i'm making sense here. my brain is so so foggy today...

oh, and yes we went and saw mall cop-so cute!! it wasn't exactly what i thought it was going to be, but it was still really fun. afterwards i told my son "i thought that was a really cute movie-what'd you think?" and his response was "yeah, it was pretty good, but not as good as hotel for dogs!" hahahaha. gotta love kids!

I am letting our administrator make that decision.  I did report this to him.  You see, not only have you posted 9 times in the fibro and migraine forums, you have mentioned this site EVERY time.  Sure seems that you are "promoting" this.  Also, these are basically duplicate posts.

 

Sherrine