Unsure what to do

My pain has been getting worse and worse almost daily lately.  It's constant, and never changes whether I'm sitting, standing, lying down, walking.  Nothing changes it.  I have tried every OTC pain medication available, I've tried every herbal supplement I've heard is supposed to help, along with every vitamin.  I use heat about a dozen times on any given day, stretch about 10 times, try to go walking for as long as I can, either use a handheld massager or get someone to give me a massage, go to the chiropractor... and nothing helps at all. 

When I tell my rheumotologist that I'm in pain all she does is throw more pills at me or make me take a higher dosage.  I always ask to get in and actually see her, but she never has any openings.

My family doctor prescribes me percocet, but it's never enough to last me a whole month, so I always run out and am not able to get any more, even though I take it as prescribed.  As soon as I go about 24 hours without any the joints and muscles all throughout my body lock up so tightly I can hardly move.  Last time this happened I ended up at the ER where I was treated like a drug addict.  I just can't help it.  I have tried everything else that I know to try, and it is the only thing that helps (a little). 

The worst part is, I'm about to lose my job, because neither of my doctor's will sign a form confirming my condition-- even though they both agree that I have fibro!  Plus, the form was due last week and with my grandfather's death I never got a chance to go back to the doctor and try to beg one last time.  I'm as good as fired and if I miss one more day, my job is over.  It's horrible because tonight I start third shift (midnight to eight am), and I always feel worst on that shift (I have to rotate every four weeks).  I don't know how I can work when I can't even use my right arm. 

I haven't been sleeping at all.  It doesn't matter what I take, nothing helps.  I wake up at least once an hour, covered in sweat, and constantly have horrible nightmares all night long.  I'm so stressed out from losing my grandfather, dealing with my parents who are convinced I'm lying about my health, and from fear of losing my job, which will also mean losing a place to live and a car to drive.  It's a viscious cycle I can't escape.  I'm not going to feel better until I'm not stressed out, and I'm not going to stop feeling stressed out until I feel better. 

I don't know where to turn or what to do.  Everyone else I know who has chronic pain says just deal with it.  I can't deal with this.  I can't bear the thought that this is going to be my life every single day.  I feel like the pain is making me lose my mind.  I cry all the time, and my thoughts just keep becoming more and more jumbled and unclear.  Where do I turn when none of my doctors will help me, none of my family will believe me, I've lost all of my friends, I'm in medical debt up to my eyeballs, going to lose my job, and can barely, barely even function?  I just don't understand how to deal with this or where I should turn.

Hi, Lefty! I am so sorry for what you are dealing with. It sounds to me that you are really overwhelmed about your present and your future and the unknown of how everything can change. I would like to encourage you to look into employee benefits at work, to see if you can visit with a therapist to get some assistance with all the directions your life is taking. I believe you need a little help now to clear out all the chaos and set some priorities, and set some things aside for now. I hope you find that each day gets a little easier and you can breathe better and not feel so alone. Please keep us posted on how you are doing!

Dear Lefty: I totally agree with Sara Smiles. I was right where you are about a year ago. I was at the point of giving up. I made it into a psychiatric emergency; got to see a pdoc within a week, and wih his guideance, things have begun to improve. The business with the pain meds, well, that too, I totally relate to. I get almost enough to get through. Mine are Tylenol 3's, hence the handle, and i don't know where they stack up compared to percocet. They have 30 mgs. of codeine, each. It takes the edge off the pain so I can do more than just lie in bed and moan. We know, full well, that stress is the enemy. Right now you are under considerable stress. So, get some counselling. Get some medicine to relieve the stress, for now, so you can get some sleep. Keep at he docs to sign your paperwork, and once you see a pdoc, perhaps he'll sign for you. Mine brought it up day 1. He signed to get me medical leave. It was so obvious that I couldn't work, I couldn't tie my shoelaces. I couldn't summon up the strength to shower. To much bending to get dressed. There is a theory about the pain relievers causing more pain. Apparently, what happens is your brain stops producig natural endorphins, this is a safety switch to avoid opoid overdose. That leaves you totallydependent on the outside meds to feel (almost) OK. Then when you run out, as we all do, from time to time, the pain is 100x's worse b/c our brain isn't replacingthe missed endorphins. Also, you are likely depressed. This can cause body pain. So, grab yourself by your bootstraps, get in to see a shrink, lay your cards out on the table and ask, "what now, doc". I had to exaggerate a bit about what was going on with me after waiting 18 months to see the pdoc. Made up a little half truth concerning a string tied to my big toe. It got me in. Otherwise, I don't know if I would be able to sit here and spew advice. My heat goes out to you. Be careful, you're very fragile right now. Treat yourslf as you would treat your best friend. 

Lefty I'm sorry your going through so much but I think you hit the nail on the head when you said stress causes pain and pain causes stress. If I get stressed I can just feel the pain engulf my body, the muscles automatically tighten up and that causes pain. I'm not in your position of being self supporting but I can imagine how frightening that would be.

 

You really need to get the paper work signed and I would think your employer would understand about your grandfather dying which kept you from getting it signed. It does sound like you need a break from work to kinda regroup and get yourself together.

 

luv and hugs

Marlee

 

 

Jeannie said...
(Hate to sound harsh but honey, you have to buck up and keep going. Fibro hurts, but it doesn't kill you. Pain is a part of your life so you need to start dealing with it. Take a shower before bed, eat some carbs to raise your serotonin levels, put on a sleep mask, put in your ear plugs and go to sleep.

You can't go into a funk. You have to keep going. You are young and strong and you CAN do this. Set your mind to it and push yourself. Ignore as much of the pain as you can. Either that or work through it. Otherwise your life is going to turn into one big pity party and nobody will want to join you. The pain is real but you can't let it rule your life. You're on some pretty heavy duty meds and if you want enough drugs to take the pain AWAY, you won't be able to function at your job. Hang in there and keep on keepin' on.)

Jeannie!!!! Welcome to the fraternity of tough love!! Great straight forward advice. I absolutely LOVE it!!!!

It is not the burden that wear you down, it is how you carry it!! :)

Hang in there Lefty. Now you know where bottom's at, it can only go up from here.

Where do I sign up? I love you Stargeek. So, bang, on, man, radical. Like having a baby, man, just breatheeeee. I swear we Fibromites run around in a state of hyperventilation, holding our breath, shoulders up around the ears, all muscles ready to take off, fly right up to the spacestaion and fix that thing right there, right now! (Started watching CNN again last night, my kids made me swear off it for a couple years). Gotta solve all those world problems, like right now. Got no time to breathe. To much to do.

Dear Jeanie: Could you elaborate on the Oxygen-Glucose-ATP (what's ATP?), Pain continuum. I haven't heard it before. Also, I have been restricting food. Solid food is very hard for me to deal with, swallowing problem, and I have been living on Ensure (high Protein), Milk, and gummie bears. I don't know what's going on with the craving for gummy bears. It used to be chocolate, at least I've cut the fat, but why am I craving pure sugar so much. I take amytriptilene at bedtime, not nearly the dose I was taking, 125 mgs. at bedtime. Now more like 35, along with a couple of OTC muscle relaxers and a sedative. Sleep is elusive at best. My landlord has gone on the attack. I have only been here two weeks (less, actually), and already I've had three interruptions from his forewoman who unfortunately live next door and pops over to complain about well, everything. When I tell her I don't feel well enough to move my vehicle, or pull my dandilions, she get her abusive boss on the phone yelling at me. I cannot take one bit more stress. I am on the brink of calling my shrink and asking to be hospitalized. My son is also at the breaking point and I am afraid he will react in a violent manner. We desire only quiet enjoyment of the premises, not constant demands to reallocate our belongings once again after being denied full access to the unit for ten days as the landlord failed to get previous tenant to get her stuff out, or move it himself, so just after a disasterous move, we were invaded ten days into our lease, by previous tenant who threww my belongings, including fine china hither and thou, to get her stuff from underneath. Not one bit more stress, I am about to collapse. I don't mean to complain but I really don't think I can take another assault on my system. I intend to file a formal complaint with Residential Tenancies today. This man was screaming at me on my cell phone at 9 PM last evening. I said "I have to go" and hung up. He immediately called back and began using foul language with my son who took the second call, b/c I simply couldn't absorb anymore. Will it ever stop? Help. Also had a root canal yesterday and had hugh fight with stepmother b/c she used my vehicle (driven by my son) to attend a doctor's appointment, and despite a prior agreement to return my vehicle with gas in it, as it had 1/3 tank when it left here, she returned it empty. I don't have funds to do this anymore. The same trip by ambulance woul have cost her 1000.00, and we were helping out by doing it only for the price of the gas to transport her. She also soiled my passanger seat, despite my son repeatedly asking her if she needed a washroom, he would have assisted her, instead she overflowed her diaper. What do I do? Then she called a neighbor complaning I had taken advantage of her. he called me all upset, as she had upset his wife by crying, begging for money and complaing about me. Is the world losing it's collective mind?