Coping with being overweight...

Weight has been a struggle of mine also, before this bout of illness, and since.  In my early 20's I suffered a major depression, and went from a once athletic young woman to a very sedentary and over weight one.  In high school, I too, suffered from Anorexia which was a result of a trauma.  I hadn't been concerned at that time with my body image because I was very fit.  Starving was something I could control, when I couldn't control anything else.

Since getting sick over the last year and a half, I now weigh 100 pounds less than I did 4 years ago.  I lost 60 pounds the healthy way before this current illness had any hand in it.  Anorexia resulted first from my loss of appetite, and has now become a way to deal with my frustration over the illness as well.  Bottom line, I know it isn't healthy. 

Being ill is difficult enough without having to look in the mirror.  When my weight began to drop rapidly, I got caught up in the compliments I received, but also found that I was having difficulty recognizing all aspects of the person I saw myself becoming.  Anorexia is not the answer.

I have now been making a very concious effort to keep only healthy food in my home at all times, and even when I really don't feel like it, I get out for a walk.  Even if you do all the right things, and your weight issue persists, I promise that you will still find a sense of relief and self-satisfaction in knowing that you are doing the right things.

Take care of yourself.

One thing is for sure, I am much happier not obsessing all of the time about food.  I could give you the internal monologue here, but I am sure you are familiar enough with it.  With anorexia, I lost a lot of my hair (it is still growing back), my heart shrunk because of malnutrition (it is back, now), and my metabolism shut down.  That was the hardest part.  I can no longer lose weight by restricting.  My body will not allow me to lose weight.  My body still does not trust me and I have been eating for 3 years now.  In fact, when I think about going back to anorexia to lose the weight, I remember those things:  I want my hair and my heart and I do not want to gain any more weight!  My motto:  "If I don't eat, I will get fat!" 

Please do not go back there.  Once you head back, you will lose glucose in your brain and you will lose all ability to reason.   (fog is bad enough!!)  :)   You will eat less than 1000 calories a day and no one will be able to convince you that it is unhealthy and you are killing yourself.  Don't do that to yourself.  Fibro is hard without adding anorexia to it.  I actually had to "unfriend" a facebook person because she was eating 800 calories a day then burning it all by exercising.  I politely told her that her posts were triggering and I could not read them anymore.  She was extremely angry with my comments and insisted vehemently that there was nothing wrong with her behavior.  You do not want to go there. 

Little fact: My treatment nurse taught us that we need about 2000 calories a day to just lie around and do nothing.  Our bodies still have to work.  In fact, prisoners of war were put on a starvation diet of 1400 calories a day.  We need food to function.

Btw:  I also weigh 147 pounds.  I hate it.  But I am alive and that is good.  I am trusting that my body will finally get back on track and get me to a healthy weight.  I would like to be 135.  115 is actually too thin for me.

You can e-mail me anytime you like and if you want, e-mail me and I will send you the link to a blog a friend of mine from group therapy writes.  It is actually very powerful.

Gentle hugs,

Sue