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I love my boys but:

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Posted 6/15/2010 3:11 AM (GMT 0)
 My boys are home for a visit and they leave tomorrow. I am doing some painting in the house and the wall I am doing right now is above our steps which means climbing onto a ladder. Not only am I afraid of heights but along with the fibro I have Osteoporosis. My husband works part time as a greeter at wal-mart and is working tonight. Anyhow I didnt expect the kids to paint the wall for me because Im used to them not helping out much, however they didnt even think to load the paint brush for me. So I just got up and down the ladder when it needed loading. This is also partly my fault for not asking them for help.  The part that really hurt though was there cousin called and asked them to come over and they were out the door with no thought at all to the fact that there mom was up on a ladder and what might happen if I fell off.

I dont mind them going to their cousins but couldn't they have at least waited till I was done painting. Am I that bad of a mother that they dont even care. I guess Im really feeling hurt by them right now and am not sure what to do about it. If I say anything they will just blow up and they probably wont come home for a long time. Thanks for listening

Shirley cry

Posted 6/15/2010 3:42 AM (GMT 0)
Shirley, I don't blame you for being upset! Ouch! I get hurt a lot by these kinds of things, too. I don't know what the answer is.
Posted 6/15/2010 11:06 AM (GMT 0)
Oh i hear you on that one my son got mad cause i dropped a full can of pop in the camper and i said well maybe you realize my hands don't work any more Deb
Posted 6/15/2010 1:15 PM (GMT 0)
They can't magically know you need help. You have to ask. Maybe you feel that since you raised them, they should somehow be in tune with what you need, but I can assure you they are not. They are there to visit you, and to enjoy themselves, and I am sure they would rather you sit and visit with them than be up on a ladder painting. Just my two cents.
Posted 6/15/2010 3:38 PM (GMT 0)
I have the same problem, I think it is because I always done everything. I never made my kids help with anything other than their own laundry and rooms. They always came first, I went the total opposite of the way I was raised. I somehow thought my pain was connected to working my tail off hauling hay and wood, picking up rocks and you name it that all weighed more than I did. We done this year after year and started at the age of 4. My brothers have problems also, although different than mine.
I was painting and working in the kitchen over the weekend and had the same problem as far as them helping. I love them dearly, and now I know everything is hereditary and my son actually has scoliosis (sp?) and daughter probably has fibro or AS (hasn't been dx'd yet). They will have their day and will figure out things as they go. They will wish they had done more, just as I wish I had made them do more. In a way i'm glad I know how to push myself to do things, I hope they are strong enought to do the same. For now, I will do all I can and just be thankful that I am able to do something. I have a new floor and freshly painted kitchen, hoping to work on the rest of the house after I recoup...........
Posted 6/15/2010 4:06 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah, I have that problem too!  If something needs doing (esp. for someone I love) I just jump in & do it without thinking....at least, that's always been my impulse.  Fibro has a way of making you say "uh, not so fast," but I still forget and then regret it.  I also wish I had made my kids do more.
Posted 6/15/2010 5:05 PM (GMT 0)
They are probably so used to Mom doing everything with no help, they didn't even think of asking.  I always ask.

 

I, too, don't like heights now.  I'll get a little dizzy on a ladder and I too have osteoporisis.  So guess what?  I refuse to get on ladders now.  Is the paint job worth possibly falling and breaking a hip?  I don't think so. 

 

Don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it.  We want to keep you healthy as possible!

 

Sherrine

Posted 6/15/2010 8:30 PM (GMT 0)
We could ssay boys will be boys. But I know from our sons now all are adults "How do we know you need a hand unlsee you ask"

That is what they say to us now they are adults, so we ask.

Our youngest son is the one most likely to help, our oldest lives some distance away. Our middle son will ask for us to help him but returns the favor when he can. [He suffers a lot from FMS]

But it is hard to ask for help at times we are used to being  the parent and helping them out.

It cost nothing to help, but we gain by asking, our children see they can give back to us, so let become the adults we want them to be.

Kathy

Posted 6/16/2010 3:32 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for all your kind responses. I guess I just got so used to when I would ask them to do something for me they would would respond with what are you going to do when we arent here, Or having them tell me I am lazy because my house isnt clean enough. Over the last couple months I have been doing my best to prove that I am not lazy by cleaning and restoring the house. Guess maybe I have gotten used to doing things on my own and I did ask my one son to do something for me the last time they were here and it never did get done until this afternoon shortly before I had to drive them the 100 miles back to where they are staying right now and I just got home about 10 minutes ago.

Someone mentioned that they would have rather spent time with me than have me paint. The reason I started painting was because they were watching tv and I needed something to do to keep from being bored.

Once again thanks for all the replies

Shirley

wink  

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